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Old 10-08-2016, 07:54 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
14,383 posts, read 7,800,959 times
Reputation: 29888

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Quote:
Originally Posted by PhureeKeeper View Post
I think it's interesting the number of people who say they have no friends and are OK with it.
They must have a lot of family members to help bridge that gap, or are there that many people on C-D who are truly alone?

I used to have good friends but then I moved away and our lives went in much different directions. With one of my friends we kept in touch until my husband died.


Read some of the other threads about friends who only want to use you or the annoying neighbor thread and you will see why some of us prefer to have no friends. I ended a "friendship" this week with a snowbird neighbor who was just too pushy. Always calling and texting and talking, talking, talking.


I would rather be alone than have an annoying friend. Same thing when people ask me why I don't date after being widowed 6 years ago.


Plus, in my case, I have my sister nearby who is a year younger. We are very close.
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Old 10-08-2016, 07:57 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
14,383 posts, read 7,800,959 times
Reputation: 29888
Quote:
Originally Posted by coschristi View Post
I really, really want to travel.



I almost feel I do people a favor by not being able to really cultivate a friendship.

I feel the exact same way and this is one of the main reasons I don't want to get involved in a relationship.
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Old 10-08-2016, 09:52 AM
 
Location: in a parallel universe
2,648 posts, read 1,845,650 times
Reputation: 5882
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
Here's a question: would you rather have no friends or friends you have little or nothing in common with? Are you the kind of person that needs to have a squad around you constantly or can you be your own best friend?

I ask because I have a dilemma. For some reason, most of the few friends I have are in their early-mid 20's, including my 2 roommates. I feel like I can't connect with them on any level and I'm staring to think that I'd be better off without them. They aren't malicious in any way, but we've nothing in common. I find that as I've gotten older, I can't fake it anymore and I find myself feeling lonely among such people

Anyway, I'd be interested to hear other people's perspectives.
Years ago I had quite a few friends that shared a common interest as me but as we got older we stopped sharing those interests. Now, I find it's really difficult to have a conversation with them. Aside from the 'how are you? and 'what have you been up to?" conversations.. we have nothing to talk about really. We just chat online now and frankly, I've been spending less and less time chatting with them. It's not only me. They have nothing in common with each other either so any conversation is kind of awkward because we can't relate to each other's problems. It's time to let them go... People grow in different directions and sometimes you've just got to move on.

To answer your question.. I think I'd rather be without friends than have 'friends' that I have nothing in common with.
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Old 10-08-2016, 10:01 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
854 posts, read 405,991 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by elliedeee View Post
Years ago I had quite a few friends that shared a common interest as me but as we got older we stopped sharing those interests. Now, I find it's really difficult to have a conversation with them. Aside from the 'how are you? and 'what have you been up to?" conversations.. we have nothing to talk about really. We just chat online now and frankly, I've been spending less and less time chatting with them. It's not only me. They have nothing in common with each other either so any conversation is kind of awkward because we can't relate to each other's problems. It's time to let them go... People grow in different directions and sometimes you've just got to move on.

To answer your question.. I think I'd rather be without friends than have 'friends' that I have nothing in common with.
Thank you for echoing my sentiments. I would rather be alone too, as challenging as that can be at times. I find this era quite repulsive anyway.
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Old 10-08-2016, 10:38 AM
 
Location: Chicago area
17,697 posts, read 10,007,305 times
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I would rather have friends that I have nothing in common with then no friends at all. You can develop common interests. Last night I helped a friend celebrate her 50th birthday at a bowling ally. I've only bowled two other times in my life when I was around 10 or 12. It was a disaster but so much fun. I'd love to do it again despite the many gutter balls. Okay I wasn't too thrilled having my fingers in a ball that has had hundreds of fingers in it, but once you get passed the gross factor, it was really fun. It's not something I would have done on my own.

People are interesting creatures and yes you have to be skilled at weeding out the rectums. I have many interesting and diverse people in my life and it has made my life infinitely richer and more interesting. Yes CCL there will be people in your life that you just can't connect with. For me it's just been rectums and alcoholics. Heck I never played Scrabble in my entire life until just a couple of years ago when one of my besties introduced it to me. She beats the pants off of me almost every time and I'll tell her that it was fun and I'll let her beat me again soon. It's possible to find some laughs in anything if you keep an open mind, and I live for those laughs. Even after my third gutter ball in a row Just find a way to have some fun with your room mate and friends.
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Old 10-08-2016, 12:30 PM
 
Location: On an Island
322 posts, read 241,759 times
Reputation: 752
I had friends that I had nothing in common with, and our friendships didn't last very long. So I'd much rather have no friends than ones I have nothing in common with.
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Old 10-08-2016, 01:10 PM
 
Location: San Francisco, California
1,949 posts, read 5,830,086 times
Reputation: 2294
Wink not your friends

Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreamingx View Post
I had friends that I had nothing in common with, and our friendships didn't last very long. So I'd much rather have no friends than ones I have nothing in common with.
then they were really just "acquaintances" not really your friends , just people you associated with in a casual way, maybe you worked with them for years or grew up in the same neighborhood, but they were just acquaintances.
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Old 10-08-2016, 08:04 PM
 
10,599 posts, read 16,241,245 times
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Roommates for financial purposes are just roommates not necessarily "friends". That's not really the source of the "problem".

This is sort of a false choice, IMO. Acquaintances develop into friends with time and shared experiences. It doesn't happen overnight and can be a crap shoot.

ETA: You're 32? Well you don't even actually separate psychologically from your parents till your 30's so maybe you're a late bloomer. But I'm sure you know why, you're just not saying. Most people know their own ways, habits and relationship challenges (or lack of).

Your posting history has all the answers. You joined here troubled after breaking up with a BF after a year. Where were all your former friends during that time? Did you have any or did you dump them? Then: Anxiety. Hate talking on the phone. Father issues. etc etc.

I was shocked at how many acquaintances called me to see if I needed to stay with them during Hurricane Matthew (in Florida). I have my own condo yada yada.

WHY did they? Because I'm their pet sitter. They feel like family even though we have barely ANY contact on a day to day basis. LOL. But we have implicit trust and knowledge of each other's personalities and ways.

They also called me afterwards obviously because they needed to know if they lost their pet sitter.

If you have interests then you meet people. If you have no interests you're trying to build a foundation on nothing.

Last edited by runswithscissors; 10-08-2016 at 08:30 PM..
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Old 10-09-2016, 04:35 AM
 
Location: East Midlands, UK
854 posts, read 405,991 times
Reputation: 1840
Quote:
Originally Posted by runswithscissors View Post
Roommates for financial purposes are just roommates not necessarily "friends". That's not really the source of the "problem".

This is sort of a false choice, IMO. Acquaintances develop into friends with time and shared experiences. It doesn't happen overnight and can be a crap shoot.

ETA: You're 32? Well you don't even actually separate psychologically from your parents till your 30's so maybe you're a late bloomer. But I'm sure you know why, you're just not saying. Most people know their own ways, habits and relationship challenges (or lack of).

Your posting history has all the answers. You joined here troubled after breaking up with a BF after a year. Where were all your former friends during that time? Did you have any or did you dump them? Then: Anxiety. Hate talking on the phone. Father issues. etc etc.

I was shocked at how many acquaintances called me to see if I needed to stay with them during Hurricane Matthew (in Florida). I have my own condo yada yada.

WHY did they? Because I'm their pet sitter. They feel like family even though we have barely ANY contact on a day to day basis. LOL. But we have implicit trust and knowledge of each other's personalities and ways.

They also called me afterwards obviously because they needed to know if they lost their pet sitter.

If you have interests then you meet people. If you have no interests you're trying to build a foundation on nothing.
I'd agree with maybe 65% of this, so not bad. There's a lot missed out, but that's because there's a ton of stuff you don't know. I've battled mental illness most of my life. I do have interests, but I don't have the means to pursue them.

I do tend to push people away. I sabotage a lot of friendships and my last relationship to an extent. Guilty as charged I guess.

Late bloomer? Maybe. But then I'd feel on the same level as these 22 year olds, but I don't. I'm older and have had far more life experiences than they have.

Perhaps it's the way we define 'friends'. To me a friend is someone I enjoy spending time with and there are common interests. Maybe when these people will be older they'll become friends. I don't know.

I don't think I belong on this planet most of the time.
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Old 10-10-2016, 08:06 PM
 
Location: colorado springs, CO
9,087 posts, read 4,533,612 times
Reputation: 26546
Quote:
Originally Posted by Crazy-Cat-Lady View Post
I'd agree with maybe 65% of this, so not bad. There's a lot missed out, but that's because there's a ton of stuff you don't know. I've battled mental illness most of my life. I do have interests, but I don't have the means to pursue them.

I do tend to push people away. I sabotage a lot of friendships and my last relationship to an extent. Guilty as charged I guess.

Late bloomer? Maybe. But then I'd feel on the same level as these 22 year olds, but I don't. I'm older and have had far more life experiences than they have.

Perhaps it's the way we define 'friends'. To me a friend is someone I enjoy spending time with and there are common interests. Maybe when these people will be older they'll become friends. I don't know.

I don't think I belong on this planet most of the time.
Ahh; the bolded ^!

One of my earliest memories was looking around the first day of pre-school with a feeling like "You have GOT to be kidding me."

Kinda like I was supposed to "land" somewhere else but something went wrong & I had a crash-landing on Earth.

I actually really enjoy my interactions with some of the posters here on C-D. Right now it's literally the only adult interaction I have with somebody I don't share DNA with (or the grouchy old man I promised myself to for better or worse).

It's fine for right now & maybe if I get the chance someday to do more I won't feel so glaringly awkward.
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