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My SO is the black sheep of his family, but he's definitely NOT the oddball, loser, etc. of the family. He's the ONLY humble, kind, modest, classy, respectable, sweet one in his family of 6. He's just completely different from all of them. Here's a breakdown of his fam members:
Dad (early 60s) - Waste of space, loser doesn't have a pot to <bleep> in, divorced from mom due to multiple cheating, controlling ways. On 2nd marriage, cheats on this stupid wife. Crass & disrespectful w/ women. Owes IRS $100K+ due to not paying taxes, probably owes loan sharks too, liar, manipulator, highly narcissistic,attention-starver, idiotic, smug, stole from his own mom, my SO, & gambled $11K of family $. I'd say technically physically abused my SO when he was a child/early teen, but the dad would just call it father-son rough-housing & he was never in trouble w/ law over it. Screwed over & treats my SO horribly. My SO's been done w/ him about 10 yrs ago.
Mom (early 60s) - Weakest, no backbone woman you'll ever know. Definitely not the sharpest knife in the drawer. Stayed w/ loser dad (above) 24 yrs too long...the amt of time they were married before she finally got fed up. Enables her (adult) kids' horrible behaviors. Will take everyone else's side over my SO's for some odd reason. Treats my SO like the adopted child. Only calls him when she wants housework done.
Identical Twin Bro (age 41) - Exact spitting character of loser dad (above). He think's he a "step below a genius", the world revolves around him, he can do no wrong, thinks he's better than everyone on earth, attention-starver. On 2nd marriage, cheated on both wives too. Doesn't treat mom well. Never satisfied w/ anything, always wants more.
Younger Bro (age 34) - Picks & chooses how he wants to be. Thinks he's tough, but a wussy. He's all hepped up on tons of energy drinks & booze, so he probably doesn't remember 1/2 the things he says/does. Doesn't treat mom well. My SO's closest w/ this guy, but does/says things that my SO doesn't like sometimes.
Younger Sis (age 32) - Youngest & only girl who was highly spoiled by the loser dad as a kid. Very early became the queen bee<bleep> . Smokes, drinks, & parties excessively like there's no tomorrow. Gets everything in life handed to her by others. Given 2 cars for free, but those weren't good enough for her. She didn't even want one of them & drove the other for a bit until she got another car. Such as attention-starver. Now good w/ mom since an adult.
My SO just isn't like any of these people & they treat him like the outcast. He's never acted like he's better than them whatsoever. None of them have any sincerity, warmth, modesty, or humbleness. He's a happy soul, enjoys the simple things in life, has a good head on his shoulders, but has very recently been fed up w/ his family (had been done w/ dad 10 yrs ago) because he had 2, very lengthy sit-down discussions w/ them all, but they pretty much told him what he wants to hear regarding changing, etc. so he wasn't taken seriously. The mom was present both times & didn't take anything to heart, in fact, 2 days later, she tried to get to do errands for her again & then said she was just "making light of the situation".
Are you or someone you know in this kind of family??
Last edited by Miss Blue; 08-08-2016 at 06:20 AM..
Are you or someone you know in this kind of family??
No.
There's something weird about your minute descriptions of his family members. Are you going to stand up to these "horrible" people and defend him from them?
It just seems like you're very worked up about his drama.
I became a "black sheep" of my family after coming out as having gender dysphoria, and they disowned me. Or possibly a pink one.
*goes back to munching on grass*
Haha! That grass remark was funny!
To the OP, yes. I do know families like that. You know how when good families sometimes get one rotton kid? The opposite sometimes happens in bad families.
It's sad, but yes, even family members can be toxic people to not keep in one's life. I've been together w/ my SO for a long time & I just know very well how his family is. I started this thread now because he finally is fed up w/ their antics & I think has finally realized that they'll never change. (I've been occasionally trying to tell him this for the last unteen yrs, but of course he's the only person who can finally get fed up when he's ready.)
Each member of the family treats him like the family chump & tells him what he needs to do about everything. I'm sure this stems from him being held back in 1st grade (I think the worse mistake for his parents to have done), so ever since then, they all think he's dumb or something. And being held back a year at that early an age when his twin brother has always been a grade ahead of him for the next 11 yrs wrecks havoc on the one who's held back because everywhere he goes, he gets the "oh you're so & so's brother" & "if you're twins, why are you in different grades?", etc. & so he's constantly in his twin's shadow & his whole family treats him that way & his sug twin just LOVES being the big cheese & always is in everyone's family business.
When my SO finally had it & expressed his feelings about it, they don't want to take him seriously & his mother acts like she's so hurt (even though her other 3 kids are 10 times worse), & she won't have my SO as the "maid" to do her housework anymore. None of them understand that he's the one who's hurt by this.
Yes this happens, sometimes someone makes it out of a dysfunctional family and is not dysfunctional. Lots of good people have bad families. Unfortunately the families usually scapegoat the normal one.
He might want to limit how much he tells them and keep contact casual, don't look for them to come around or understand the deeper stuff, they won't.
Two weeks ago, he called all 3 of his siblings up one after the other. He got all their voicemails...big surprise. He told them all that he loved them & asked how they were doing & do you know not one of them called him back?
Moderator cut: delete
My SO & I know darn well that if he ever won the lotto, they'd be crawling out of the woodwork, calling him 100x's a day to talk to him & get together then.
My SO is very mad & hurt how they all are so incredibly cold & uncaring. They don't give a flying fig about him, his life, his artwork, his job, how he's doing, his health, etc., etc., etc. He's way too good & kind of a human being for his family & it's a real shame. He can never win w/ them.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 10-18-2016 at 06:36 AM..
Reason: FB comment see sticky post atop this forum
Wow...so much drama. How do you stand it? I mean really...how do you stand being so involved and full of drama??
He's a grown man and should deal with his family on his own...unless they are involved in your personal life, stay out of it.
This guy isn't the one you wanted to sneak into your rental is it? You remember him..the one with the sick mom who uses her address to collect govt assistance...is this him?!
Or is this is the uneducated 40 something who can't find/keep a job, but wants to be a full-time 'artist'.
You have a lot of interesting friends for being a loner.
Last edited by Kim in FL; 10-18-2016 at 04:25 AM..
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He told them all that he loved them & asked how they were doing & do you know not one of them called him back?
