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Curious your thoughts about different hosting scenarios.
The first is...let's say my wife and I decide to host this year's holiday party (friends, mostly). My expectation is we'd buy the food, cook, decorate, and clean up afterward. Sure, we'd accept offers to bring food and to tidy up afterward, but really we're the hosts and we'd assume doing 99% of the work. Right?
Scenario #2. A bunch of friend are sitting around discussing an upcoming milestone birthday of one of the group. That person says, "hey rather than go out, let's just have a casual dinner together at home." So we agree to having it at our home.
Would you agree there is a difference?? Would you agree that in scenario #2 the food and set-up and cleaning should be more of a group effort?
I completely agree with you, OP, but enforcing it after the fact might be a different story. I'd be inclined to push that point home during the initial discussion. Eg, "Sure, let's have it at my house because of the size/location or whatever, and we'll all chip in towards the costs and the cleanup".
Why not just discuss the expectations beforehand? These are your friends. I am hosting a cocktail party the day after christmas, and have let invitees know I will provide the alcohol but they are welcome to bring their favorite nibbles. No one seemed to think I violated some protocol, and I bet we get a nice variety of appetizers.
ETA never had a problem with people helping to clean up voluntarily.
There's a reason why nobody else offered to host, it's because they know they will be stuck doing all the work. Next time, don't offer. If asked why not, make it clear that the set up and clean up are more work than you are willing to do now.
Well I know who SHOULDN'T clean up: the birthday person!
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