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Anyone else? I'm coupled so my bf wants me for Christmas and my family wants me. My family did not invite him with his kids b/c they dont want kids at the house that they dont know, though my bf was invited but obv cant leave his kids by themselves. His kids only come 2 weeks a year so he is doing Christmas with them @ our house. That said, he wants me for Christmas and my family wants me for Christmas. I am doing 2 hours with each group but neither is happy. I cant please everyone. I am only one person. How do you couples out there deal with splitting up Christmas? Is there a way to please everyone?
Is there a way to compromise between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Do both your families celebrate it on the same day? Families tend to stick to the same day and fall out of their comfort zone when they are asked to change but I view it as a way to compromise. What about Eve with your family and the Day with your boyfriend? After all, Christmas morning is the important part for the kids (Santa) and it would be nice to partake of that together.
Sometimes these situations have to change when adult kids move on to their own families.
Transitions are hard. Your family needs to be more open though. Not wanting your BF's kids in their celebration puts you in a difficult situation. I think that you need to opt to spend most of the time with your BF. You could perhaps put in an appearance on Christmas Day or the day after at your parents'. The fact that they are closed minded and not open to expanding their family tells me that they disapprove of your BF.
If you tell them this year that you and your family need to come together, it might be easier next year. Your family will understand this is how it rolls with you. If you cave to their demand, you will make your BF mad.
And by the way, if your BF is very demanding of you, be careful in this relationship. Should he be so demanding? I don't know. But I suspect that in this case, he doesn't want to deal with his kids by himself. Not sure about this guy. I hope you know him well enough to love and trust him.
I'm in a similar boat. My fiance and I are going to be all over the place this weekend. Our wedding is next year so I feel especially obligated to make the rounds with all the family members, but even before that we were expected to attend a lot of family gatherings on both sides over the holidays. On Thanksgiving we were expected to be at my parents' house for dinner at 2pm, then at his parents' house for dinner at 5pm!
Luckily we don't have to travel far but I kinda wish that we did so I wouldn't feel all this pressure to do everything. I'm very stressed out about this weekend. My fiance and I are the "main event" at my parents' house considering my two adult brothers still live at home (and always will). My fiances' family is also eager to involve us. We are the "power couple" in the family I guess you could say. Everyone is all over us. I should be flattered I know, but I'm overwhelmed.
Its funny. If I'm at his parents' house and we mention we have plans with my parents, too, I can tell his mom gets a little miffed. Similarly, my mom gets miffed when I mention spending time at my fiances' parents house. It seems like everyone is competing. The dads are more understanding.
We split the holidays. We do something with my in-laws on Christmas Eve and something with my family on Christmas Day. After one crazy Thanksgiving where we drove around all over the place to various houses, we decided that we're our own family and we'll decide what works for us. We don't care if someone gets their feelings hurt because we don't strictly abide by what THEY want.
If you and your boyfriend are serious about your relationship, it's time for your family to accept his children. Coming to them without the kids sends the message that you're all right with them treating the kids as outsiders and excluding them.
If I were you, I'd skip the family gathering and stay home. They can come see you if they really want to. Explain to them that your bf has the kids only two weeks each year, finding a sitter for them on Christmas would be totally impossible, and you'd be happy to visit with the relatives at your house.
Is there a way to compromise between Christmas Eve and Christmas Day? Do both your families celebrate it on the same day? Families tend to stick to the same day and fall out of their comfort zone when they are asked to change but I view it as a way to compromise. What about Eve with your family and the Day with your boyfriend? After all, Christmas morning is the important part for the kids (Santa) and it would be nice to partake of that together.
Sometimes these situations have to change when adult kids move on to their own families.
We dont celebrate Christmas Eve, so thats not really viable. I have about a 5 hr timeframe to work with to get Christmas in with both groups.
It is causing a lot of stress and my boyfriend is really upset with me for not being more firm with my family bc he thinks i should spend it with him - bc we live together and his kids are not here much, when my family lives 10mins away. So like yes I can see my family anytime but still they are family.
Transitions are hard. Your family needs to be more open though. Not wanting your BF's kids in their celebration puts you in a difficult situation. I think that you need to opt to spend most of the time with your BF. You could perhaps put in an appearance on Christmas Day or the day after at your parents'. The fact that they are closed minded and not open to expanding their family tells me that they disapprove of your BF.
If you tell them this year that you and your family need to come together, it might be easier next year. Your family will understand this is how it rolls with you. If you cave to their demand, you will make your BF mad.
And by the way, if your BF is very demanding of you, be careful in this relationship. Should he be so demanding? I don't know. But I suspect that in this case, he doesn't want to deal with his kids by himself. Not sure about this guy. I hope you know him well enough to love and trust him.
Merry Christmas!
Yes my family is closed-minded unfortunately. My boyfriend and I welcome everyone to our table and i feel Christmas is about comin together & welcoming ppl in but a lot of ppl dont see it that way.
If you and your boyfriend are serious about your relationship, it's time for your family to accept his children. Coming to them without the kids sends the message that you're all right with them treating the kids as outsiders and excluding them.
If I were you, I'd skip the family gathering and stay home. They can come see you if they really want to. Explain to them that your bf has the kids only two weeks each year, finding a sitter for them on Christmas would be totally impossible, and you'd be happy to visit with the relatives at your house.
I agree. This is not some man that you have been dating only a few weeks. Your parents need to accept his children as their future grandchildren (or at the very minimum future step-grandchildren).
Invite them to your house. And, if they don't come it is their loss.
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