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A friend sent me a quote recently basically saying that "it is a blessing to have a good friend to whom we can feel safe enough with them that we wouldn't have to weigh thoughts or measure words." That we can "pour our thoughts right out and not have to weigh them" and be "certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
She is a very blunt person and had previously said some very sharp words to me about me personally. Then when I told her she had offended me, she sent me the above quote. She apparently has had this quote for 30 years and feels it "expresses her sentiments eloquently".
When you read that quote, did you take it that it meant a person could say whatever they want to a good friend, not only on a conversation topic, but also to criticize a friend on a personal level?
Something my grandmother once said has stayed with me: People who describe themselves as 'brutally honest' are more interested in being brutal than honest.
Friendship should always be built on honesty. No question. But a friend who isn't sensitive to another friend's feelings? Is that really a friend at all?
Location: Foothills of Maryland Blue Ridge mountains
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Quote:
Originally Posted by staywarm2
A friend sent me a quote recently basically saying that "it is a blessing to have a good friend to whom we can feel safe enough with them that we wouldn't have to weigh thoughts or measure words." That we can "pour our thoughts right out and not have to weigh them" and be "certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
She is a very blunt person and had previously said some very sharp words to me about me personally. Then when I told her she had offended me, she sent me the above quote. She apparently has had this quote for 30 years and feels it "expresses her sentiments eloquently".
When you read that quote, did you take it that it meant a person could say whatever they want to a good friend, not only on a conversation topic, but also to criticize a friend on a personal level?
That sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. What is kind and compassionate about dumping your ugly unfiltered thoughts on a friend?
No matter who I'm talking to....my husband or a stranger....I listen before I speak and do my best to respond kindly and thoughtfully. Do I always hit the mark? Heck no. But If I can't think of anything kind to say, I don't speak. She might try using that "faithful hand" before she opens her mouth.
That sounds like a bunch of hooey to me. What is kind and compassionate about dumping your ugly unfiltered thoughts on a friend?
No matter who I'm talking to....my husband or a stranger....I listen before I speak and do my best to respond kindly and thoughtfully. Do I always hit the mark? Heck no. But If I can't think of anything kind to say, I don't speak. She might try using that "faithful hand" before she opens her mouth.
I've been married almost 26 years. I am honest with my wife in everything. But there is a way to express unpleasant truths without hurting the other person's feelings. This is known as tact and diplomacy.
Beware of people who think tact is a waste of time and energy.
Something my grandmother once said has stayed with me: People who describe themselves as 'brutally honest' are more interested in being brutal than honest.
Friendship should always be built on honesty. No question. But a friend who isn't sensitive to another friend's feelings? Is that really a friend at all?
A friend sent me a quote recently basically saying that "it is a blessing to have a good friend to whom we can feel safe enough with them that we wouldn't have to weigh thoughts or measure words." That we can "pour our thoughts right out and not have to weigh them" and be "certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with a breath of kindness blow the rest away."
She is a very blunt person and had previously said some very sharp words to me about me personally. Then when I told her she had offended me, she sent me the above quote. She apparently has had this quote for 30 years and feels it "expresses her sentiments eloquently".
When you read that quote, did you take it that it meant a person could say whatever they want to a good friend, not only on a conversation topic, but also to criticize a friend on a personal level?
Sounds like your friend took that quote as justification for lack of filter. I don't particularly agree with the quote, because I don't think we should communicate with anyone ... friend or not ... without weighing thoughts and measuring words. What I would agree with is that I am thankful that my friends know me well enough to realize that if I say something that sounds hurtful or offensive, they will probably realize that I probably misspoke and it was not intended to be hurtful, and would be willing to cut me a little slack. That does not mean that I get to say whatever the hell I want an get a free pass.
When I saw the thread title I thought it was about something else. I thought it meant telling friends absolutely everything. The answer is no to that and no to what the tread is really about.
I knew someone once that would say mean things and then say that she was just blunt. She can't help it shes just blunt. And she would say it with a smile on her face. That friendship didn't last. The only people who really can't help what words come out of their mouth have a tragic disability like tourettes syndrome or maybe they are just developmentally disabled. I'm not saying this to be mean to disabled people. My son is and I am in touch with that world. These people can't help it and allowances should be made. If there is nothing wrong with your mind and you do this you are a mean person. Blunt is usually mean, and you like to be mean. Why not just say so?
When you read that quote, did you take it that it meant a person could say whatever they want to a good friend, not only on a conversation topic, but also to criticize a friend on a personal level?
I take it to mean they aren't sorry for saying whatever hurt your feelings, and they are only trying to make you see that it was okay for them to do that. That's not being a friend, IMO.
I'd tell them, "There's nothing eloquent about being an *sshole."
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