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I am in my mid 30's and I really don't like it when people buy me gifts.
I love my mother but she likes to send over large items for my birthday, etc then inquires constantly if I am using said item.
The last item was a set of lovely wood patio chairs that arrived in the mail, and I didn't want to build them, so they sat in the box for six months. Mother came out, and I hustled to get the chairs built before she got here.
Now I have had them for a few years, and have never used them.
I have received a hammock from other people, and I have used it once in a year, and find it annoying to move around to cut the lawn.
A couple sent me a lovely flask, and I have no idea what to do with it. I do not drink at home, only when I go out.
My wife buys me items, and they sit in the box for a year unused.
Someone sent me an antique looking Radio that I didn't want. I promptly sold it on ebay, and that person was deeply upset that I sold their gift. I forget how they found out, but it was an ordeal.
I'm at the point in my life that I don't want for anything. I am pretty simple, and feel that less clutter is best, and if I want something I probably already have it. I despise shopping, if I need something beyond groceries or necessities, it comes to my doorstep via amazon.
I tell people to please not send any gifts, just come over to the house and have dinner with us, or meet us for drinks. Thankfully many people do this.
Seriously, though, you and me and all of us live in a gift-giving culture. This is one of the ways we interact with other people and express affection. Frankly, most people like getting gifts and are willing to put up with the slight hassle of occasionally getting something they didn't want, because we care about the giver's feelings.
But even your wife buys you gifts. Don't the two of you ever talk? Have you told her you don't want gifts but she buys them anyway?
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 27 days ago)
35,759 posts, read 18,101,092 times
Reputation: 50824
JH, I'm so curious, and your post has really struck a cord with me. A couple years ago my elderly aunt passed away. She was a prolific gift giver, every occasion, but we all chuckled behind her back because her gifts were so . . . off. Toys that were inappropriate for the kid's age, same with books, clothing that was ugly (she sent all of us girls "dusters" when we were in our 20's!). You get the picture.
She never married and lived in this same apartment for maybe the last 30 years of her life. A two bedroom. None of us had ever been to her apartment, she travelled to where we all live at least once a year for a vacation.
We all gave her gifts - birthday and Christmas. And they were nice things. Nice small appliances, nice towels, a bedspread, clothes, jewelry, small suitcases, etc.
When she was hospitalized, I went to take care of her and her apartment. One bedroom was what we now call "the gift room". Anything we had ever given her was in there, not taken out of the box. Card indicating the giver still attached. They were all opened, presumedly so she'd know what to say in the thank you note.
So very puzzling. Since when she'd give us a gift, you better be wearing it when she visits, or have it displayed in your home. She'd ask if she couldn't see you using her gifts.
So I have to ask you, why do you resent the gifts? I can understand if you get some stuff you can't use, but why the resentment? Why haven't you ever sat in the "nice wooden chairs" your mother gave you?
I hope you take time to think about that, because I really want to know what was behind my Aunt's refusal to use any of our gifts, considering the concept of gifts was acceptable to her. I suspect your thought process will be like hers, too. Whatever that process may be.
My Mother still gives me gifts even though I have told her for more than 30 years not to spend her money on me since I
purchase what I need myself. Thankfully in the last 5 years her gift giving has been less frequent and she has not spent a
tremendous amount of money either. I am not a collector of things outside of yarn for crochet and fabric for quilting.
I dont like getting gifets either, I am a middle age man, three grown children, I have when I need.
I live in an aparment, so storage is always something I think of.
Ok got this, now Where am I going to put it.
No, I dont want a funky mug, I have a set already.
Please dont buy me clothes, I wont like them.
please dont get me a knick nack, I hate them...
at least my sons know not to get me anything.
I also hate people to waste thier money on me, I really dont like anyone to buy me anything.
I would think this would make people happy, no gift for him.....
I am in my mid 30's and I really don't like it when people buy me gifts.
I love my mother but she likes to send over large items for my birthday, etc then inquires constantly if I am using said item.
The last item was a set of lovely wood patio chairs that arrived in the mail, and I didn't want to build them, so they sat in the box for six months. Mother came out, and I hustled to get the chairs built before she got here.
Now I have had them for a few years, and have never used them.
I have received a hammock from other people, and I have used it once in a year, and find it annoying to move around to cut the lawn.
A couple sent me a lovely flask, and I have no idea what to do with it. I do not drink at home, only when I go out.
My wife buys me items, and they sit in the box for a year unused.
Someone sent me an antique looking Radio that I didn't want. I promptly sold it on ebay, and that person was deeply upset that I sold their gift. I forget how they found out, but it was an ordeal.
I'm at the point in my life that I don't want for anything. I am pretty simple, and feel that less clutter is best, and if I want something I probably already have it. I despise shopping, if I need something beyond groceries or necessities, it comes to my doorstep via amazon.
I tell people to please not send any gifts, just come over to the house and have dinner with us, or meet us for drinks. Thankfully many people do this.
I favor experiences in life over material items.
I'm with you on this one. As a minimalist, less is more..... I don't want a lot of extra stuff. I would also rather 'do things'.....go to sporting events, travel a bit, etc, rather than 'have things'.
I hope you take time to think about that, because I really want to know what was behind my Aunt's refusal to use any of our gifts, considering the concept of gifts was acceptable to her.
Some people brought up during the Depression have a "it's too nice to use" mentality. I learned that first-hand.
They'll have threadbare towels in the bathroom and stacks of brand-new ones squirreled away that they will never use and will end up in their estate sale.
Status:
"I don't understand. But I don't care, so it works out."
(set 27 days ago)
35,759 posts, read 18,101,092 times
Reputation: 50824
Quote:
Originally Posted by fluffythewondercat
Some people brought up during the Depression have a "it's too nice to use" mentality. I learned that first-hand.
They'll have threadbare towels in the bathroom and stacks of brand-new ones squirreled away that they will never use and will end up in their estate sale.
Yes, I get that. But those "good" towels would be in the linen closet.
It's her absolute refusal to even unbox the gifts that just leaves me scratching my head. A few, I would get. No one likes everything they're given. But a room full? I wish someone would explain that to me.
I don't understand either why someone is annoyed at receiving nice things (it's one thing to get dollar store type crap - which my mother is good at, LOL (and at buying cheap clothing that is NOT me) - she is limited in funds and I'd rather she not buy junk and use the money for groceries) - just not getting the point that the OP apparently thinks the things (some of them) are great but just doesn't want to be bothered.
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