Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
How does it feel being married to this type of person?
Then again, reading your posts, you sound as if you are compatible.
Of course, he is going to blame the ex. That's what men like him do.
If a man wants to see his child, nothing will keep him from it - or at least the attempt to do so.
He gave up. On an innocent child. Speaks volumes about his character.
But, rather than face that about the man that you married, it's all her fault.
OP, quit dwelling on your husband's ex wife or wives and trying to figure out or justify the divorce(s). That ship has sailed - you're married to him now and this all sounds like ancient history to me anyway - and frankly, it's not too good a character reference for HIM. But what's done is done and nothing in the world you do now is going to change any of that past history.
Frankly, between this thread and the other one, you seem too fixated on trying to figure out his ex wife and her motivations. Why on EARTH are you so fixated on her?
Why do so many women do that? I know a woman who went through her life thinking about the ex wife and always trying to one up her. She wanted a bigger house than the ex, wanted better children, more jewelry, more cars, all kinds of things. She wanted to prove she was so much better than ex. The funny this was the ex never gave her or her ex husband a second thought. She was just happy to be away from a very controlling, very dependent, man. She couldn't have cared less what the ex and second wife did. Yes, I knew both of them. The first wife married a great guy, move away with him, had two great kids and loved her life. Second wife seems fairly happy too but still has that competition with the first wife. So weird.
I know. Thanks. I just can't with some people though. It's ALWAYS the man's fault for them.
Yes, it's his fault if he didn't see his son. It was his choice to sign his child over to another man and sever all ties with him. No one held a gun to his head and made him do that. If he really wanted to see his boy he would have found away to do it. Everyone here knows that. Your husband's behavior is his behavior, not his ex wife.
I have a dear friend who married a woman with a preschool child. Over the last 13 years the biological father has had minimal, minimal contact with his daughter (sees her maybe twice a year, even though he is allowed far, far more visitation) and pays minimal, minimal child support (plus, he is thousands of dollars in the red) and my friend raised the daughter as his own. The second husband, the mother and the daughter ALL want the second husband to adopt the child but the biological father refuses to give up his rights so they can't do anything.
The daughter is now 17 & says that she considers my friend far more of a father than her biological father ever was to her. But, legally my friend has absolutely no rights regarding his wife's daughter.
He can adopt her as soon as she turns 18. It's a shame he couldn't do it sooner, but better late than never.
No. I actually want to. Why he signed it. But I know he won't like it. He really does not want to discuss it.
Why is it necessary that he discuss it? He may have known he'd never be a decent father to his son he did the right thing by letting someone else raise his son.
Why are you even involved in any of this? Your husband doesn't want to be reminded of the past and doesn't want a relationship with his son. Give it up. Move on. Your wants you to stop this, so stop it!
There is no son. He abandoned him and this 20 year old man is nothing more than an complete stranger. Leave it alone. You're asking for trouble. The kid is a total stranger, not his son.
Good point. Asianrocker's husband was a sperm donor, and not a father. The father is the man who raised him.
If I was his son I would not want to be found. He basically did not have a father. This is not something you surprise someone with. It could actually ruin your marriage IMO. Leave it be. If you want to discuss it with your husband then go ahead, but no surprise's!
Just on a side note......no one kept your husband away from his son. If he didn't see him all these years it's his own fault. And honestly, no man I would want to be married to.
The young man DID have a father, the one who adopted him and raised him. If he doesn't want to know the sperm donor that's his decision and should not be the OP's decision. EVER.
I have to LOL on that. I already said why. But the other poster is right. His son is a perfect stranger. To both of us. Unfortunately. Makes me sad - I am entitled to that, my OWN feeling.
Why would you be sad? The son may have had a fabulous life with his mother and father. He may be happy as a clam and want nothing to do with his sperm donor father. Many young adoptees feel that way. My own DIL was adopted and has ZERO desire to find her biological parents. None. She says she had a great childhood and has a mother and father who she adores and doesn't want or need another parent. So cheer up, your husband giving up his son may well have been the best decision he ever made.
Now that you mention that. It is actually more of a frustration that he won't open up to me about his first marriage that made me do my own detective work on them.
I admit, instead of blaming him. I blame the ex. But can you blame me? Especially when I found out, he was the caretaker of their son when they were married, then the ex doing a deja vu on the 2nd husband divorce proceeding? And she was married longer to the 2nd one. STILL did EXACTLY the same, marriage ending EXACTLY the same? I was like... WOOOOW.
That's all. And having learned about that, there is no way in hell I am gonna contact any of them. I don't want to be sued.
You have absolutely NO idea if ANY of that is true and I suspect much of it isn't. Why do you care what the ex wife did or didn't do. You've never been a part of her life so you have no idea what caused her divorces. If your husband had wanted his child, he would have found a way, he certainly wouldn't have signed away his rights to the boy. Why didn't your husband work when he was married to his first wife?
Why on earth would it matter to you how his ex wife's second marriage ended? Your obsession with her is bizarre. Please get some counseling so you can move on.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
