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I live half away across the country now from my home city. It's been about two years since I moved away. I have all my family there, and most of my friends, including my besties. I also have quite a good number of friends overall from different parts of my life.
I am learning how going back home to visit is exhausting! Between giving time to family and friends, you get stretched so thin, spend so much money and just non-stop. Each time I try to see less and less people, but it still is cumbersome, because there are friends I indeed want to see. At the same time everyone wants to see me, so it becomes this exhausting/overwhelming thing to handle.
I feel like I am getting to a point where I know who to manage it, but every time I leave to back to my new home city, I feel so depleted and exhausted.
Then don't go back so often. After all, it's completely up to you, isn't it? No one's blackmailing you to go back to your hometown, right? Must just suck to be loved and missed.
Then don't go back so often. After all, it's completely up to you, isn't it? No one's blackmailing you to go back to your hometown, right? Must just suck to be loved and missed.
I am not necessarily complaining. I love seeing everyone. I am just sharing it's at the same time a very exhausting experience. I go often to see my niece and mother. I am just wondering if others go through the same.
Can't recall feeling that way, but I've never had that many people to visit in former hometowns to the point it was overwhelming either. Maybe there are aspects to these relationships you haven't faced or put to rest? Relationships are multi-faceted after all. There are probably very few relationships from our pasts that were totally and utterly easy. It takes energy to present a "front" to others you may still be carrying unresolved baggage with. Maybe you're trying to appear more enthusiastic or energized in their company at organized events (putting on appearances) than you genuinely feel. That can be exhausting.
Last edited by Parnassia; 09-06-2022 at 03:15 PM..
Location: East of Seattle since 1992, 615' Elevation, Zone 8b - originally from SF Bay Area
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We had that same experience the fist year or two, then we started to be more stealth in our visits. Knowing that most of our friends wouldn't know each other, we could visit family all together in a gathering, then visit 1 or two friends that trip, and different ones the next time. That's gone well now for over 20 years, but it helps that several family members and a couple of friends have also moved here. Since Covid we haven't been back there at all. Our first vacation since 2019 is coming up soon and we are still not going back there. We do stay in contact by email and Facebook.
Yes, all the time, and I don't even have to go back home to feel it. People in general exhaust me, so many trivial concerns, so much banal conversations, so much fake happiness.
We had that same experience the fist year or two, then we started to be more stealth in our visits. Knowing that most of our friends wouldn't know each other, we could visit family all together in a gathering, then visit 1 or two friends that trip, and different ones the next time. That's gone well now for over 20 years, but it helps that several family members and a couple of friends have also moved here. Since Covid we haven't been back there at all. Our first vacation since 2019 is coming up soon and we are still not going back there. We do stay in contact by email and Facebook.
Yes this!
After two years I have been learning how to manage it. Unless you are a close family member or one of my best friends, if I saw you last time I was here, I will not prioritize you the next time. I am also doing big gatherings at bar, where I invite everyone at once that way I can knock a lot of people out of the way at once.
If the weather is decent, a pot luck in a park inviting everyone at once is a nice way to see everyone without a lot of fuss. I'm not a fan of outdoor entertaining generally, but It's more about condensing the visiting into one day.
Suck it up and enjoy these loved ones while you can. There will come a day, faster than you think, when they will be dead and gone and you will wish you had the opportunity to spend more time with them.
I've been doing this for 35 years. No one ever left my home city but me it seems like. You get used to it, and you come up with little tricks to make the trip easier.
--Go more often, stay longer, and make all your social plans before you go. You don't have to see everyone every time.
--Have a friend or sibling host a get together for everyone who wants to see you. My sister usually does this. She'll invite everyone over to swim and my brother grills. Everyone BYOBs and pot lucks.
--Make sneak trips just for family every once in awhile.
--Manage everyone's expectations.
--Build in rest/relax time so you can maintain your stamina. I tell folks I have to work so they leave me alone during the day.
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