weddings - i need to vent... (acquaintance, boyfriend, presents, person)
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I have a HUGE family...29 first cousins at last count. I did not invite everyone to my wedding. It wasn't in our budget. Some people were upset, but they weren't paying the bills. Gifts should not equate what a ticket to your event costs. If you can't afford it, change your plans! This isn't rocket science.
I never said this.
What I'm trying to explain is that people don't have large weddings in order to receive gifts. It wouldn't work out monetarily, most of the time, if they did.
Also, I firmly believe a person can have a wedding of whatever size they want (including very large) and spend whatever they want on it. It's their wedding. It's their money. If they have 30 cousins and want to invite all of them, they are allowed to do this.
For those of you complaining about how selfish and greedy the people you know are, perhaps it is time to make different kinds of friends. Just an idea.
my experience is - registry is for the bridal shower (comprised of household items whether the couple already lives together or not); cash for the actual wedding gift.. and i know so many people disagree with this, but where i live it is normal to cover your plate at least.
Not sure where you get that opinion. A registry can obviously be used for either the wedding or the shower or both. I'm sure different people use it differently. The point is to give a gift, not pay for your meal.
Not sure where you get that opinion. A registry can obviously be used for either the wedding or the shower or both. I'm sure different people use it differently. The point is to give a gift, not pay for your meal.
i got that opinion from what i have experienced... i know people have other experiences which is totally fine. i'm just saying my specific experiences - everyone goes to the registry for the bridal shower and then the wedding is just envelopes. i have never seen someone bring a registry gift to a wedding. not saying it doesn't happen anywhere - but the ones i have been to i have never seen it happen. I've only been to 7 weddings though.
i don't have gripes with giving a gift. i had gripes about my original post anyways.
What I'm trying to explain is that people don't have large weddings in order to receive gifts. It wouldn't work out monetarily, most of the time, if they did.
Also, I firmly believe a person can have a wedding of whatever size they want (including very large) and spend whatever they want on it. It's their wedding. It's their money. If they have 30 cousins and want to invite all of them, they are allowed to do this.
of course. my issue is when the bridal party is expected to pay extravagant costs.
^ when we got married almost 20 years ago, we got almost literally everything on our registry. We still use a ton of it. I do recall a friend around the same time saying they were disappointed to not get much from theirs. I chose moderately priced stuff. They chose expensive stuff.
I filled the registry with items from $1-$50. Only registered for a few bigger ticket items that you would think family would buy.
I buy friends gifts in the $50 range, so I thought others would be like me. Nope, no one bought even the dollar items. I bought pretty much everything myself for both children.
But are things like china really practical? My parents got china off of their registry. In almost 40 years, I don't believe it ever got used and just sits taking up space in a cabinet in their dining room. None of my friends who have gotten married have picked out china patterns.
Honestly, since people in my area get married in their late 20s at the earliest, they already *have* most things that would traditionally go on a registry. If my partner and I were to have a wedding (we plan on eloping), the only things I could think of to put on a registry would be expensive luxury appliances that we have not had a reason to purchase: a nice stand mixer, a Vitamix, an espresso machine, a washer and dryer, and the like. We already have 3 crockpots, two toaster ovens, and about a dozen baking dishes and pots and pans between us! And you can get nice looking plates and glasses at Ikea for a few bucks.
This seems to be common among friends who set up websites asking for money rather than registries. I have never been to a wedding where the couple had not already set up a household independently before getting married! I appreciated that my brother and SIL had a honeyfund website where you could buy them dinner, or a train ticket, or admission to a museum. They had to set up a money-focused site because they were afraid they'd end up with tons of kitchen appliances and such that they already had from well meaning older friends and relatives who wouldn't realize that they of course had all of that stuff already - they had owned a home together for 2 years!
i got that opinion from what i have experienced... i know people have other experiences which is totally fine. i'm just saying my specific experiences - everyone goes to the registry for the bridal shower and then the wedding is just envelopes. i have never seen someone bring a registry gift to a wedding. not saying it doesn't happen anywhere - but the ones i have been to i have never seen it happen. I've only been to 7 weddings though.
i don't have gripes with giving a gift. i had gripes about my original post anyways.
I'm not doubting your experience, but a lot of people order gifts and have them sent to the couple's home, rather than bring them to the wedding.
I'm not doubting your experience, but a lot of people order gifts and have them sent to the couple's home, rather than bring them to the wedding.
that's true. maybe that happens more than i think and i just don't see it.
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Exactly.
