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Old 02-06-2017, 04:25 PM
 
28,896 posts, read 54,015,604 times
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Weddings have just gotten out of hand, fueled in large part by shows such as Say Yes To The Dress. What used to be a simple ceremony followed by a fun party has turned into the freaking Ziegfeld Follies. As a result, the average wedding cost is now around $26K and change.

My wife was going off on this the other day, in fact. Now you have to have some exhibitionist Pop The Question moment, a film crew to shoot the whole thing from dawn to dusk, and a guest list that swells the venue. To me, the worst example of all of weddings masquerading as theater is the church shopping crowd. You know, the people who have never set foot in a church, but suddenly need a venue for the movie that is their life.

I attend a graceful Episcopal church. It has an exterior of weathered Norman stone, a beautiful wood interior, and stained glass windows that are really wonderful. As a result, we sit at the top of the list of the church shopping crowd. For a long time, people would come in, book the church, harry the church staff as if they were the hired help, and then disappear for good once the limousine pulled away from the curb. So we established some pretty simple rules:

First, you have to attend marriage classes before the wedding and follow our liturgy. No stupid crap such as making up your own vows (Trust me, they are uniformly awful. People will be too busy rolling their eyes to be paying attention to what you're saying). No cheesy ginned-up stuff such as the unity candle (A friend of mine describes it as a big phallic symbol, so lighting it is like asking everybody to watch on the wedding night). And music that is appropriate to the church. For example, the 'Here Comes The Bride' wedding march you almost always hear? Nope. Because that song is from Wagner, one where the chorus sings about the wedding night to come. In other words, we like our decorum, thanks.

The second thing? You either become an attending member of our church -- In which case the use of the church is essentially free -- or you pay the average tithe of a family, which runs around $4,000. Because, believe it or not, it's a lot of work for a church to put on a wedding. There is the clergy who is presiding on what is typically his or her day off. There's the wedding director. There's the organist. And there's the sexton who has to clean up after everyone goes home.

Some actually agree and become faithful members of our congregation, which is fantastic. But you'd be amazed at the number of prospective couples (In truth, the bride's parents) who are aghast at that. They were just looking for a nice place to have the hitching before returning to either their own church or not attending at all, putting us in the same basic league as the local VFW hall. I remember one monster mother of the bride demanding that a) their Baptist preacher perform the service and b) that we actually take down the brightwork around the church that she didn't deem appropriate for their faith. And then there are the ones who insist to the music director, a woman of considerable backbone, that the wedding march be played. Never mind that it was our church, not theirs. I mean, if my daughter were getting married in a Baptist church (Fat chance, she snorts), I wouldn't insist on dragging a keg into the Fellowship Hall. Hell, Lady, go to the Justice of the Peace if you think that way about it.

My wife has a theory. The more bridesmaids and groomsmen there are in the wedding, the shorter the marriage will usually be. Because it means that the couple getting married are spending way more time thinking about the wedding itself than the marriage that follows.

Last edited by cpg35223; 02-06-2017 at 05:41 PM..
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Old 02-06-2017, 05:33 PM
 
1,511 posts, read 1,247,604 times
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Yeah sometimes i think the more extravagant the wedding, the less likely they will stay together as it seems they care more about the wedding than the marriage.

Thanks for the posts, honestly it makes me feel better. Everyone around me is very pro wedding lol so they look at me like im some cynical person when i talk about how its too over the top. I feel like everyone is brainwashed and im crazy because i wouldnt want the same thing.
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Old 02-06-2017, 06:08 PM
 
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Screw weddings & screw people who get married that want you to buy them expensive gifts - they can all go to he$$. I haven't gone to one in years, and never plan on going to one again.

Years ago, I was in the bridal party @ a wedding - this was when I was in college, and had very little money. I had to spend a lot to rent the tux, etc. I did resent it, and will never do something like that again.

The only reason many people have extravagant weddings is so they can get gifts anyway.
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:06 PM
 
Location: Redwood City, CA
15,243 posts, read 12,862,370 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by bell235 View Post
i know i know, i didn't have to say yes to being a bridesmaid. but the alternative of saying no would probably be a lot worse...
I was asked to be a bridesmaid and knowing it wasn't the bride's idea to ask me (and having gotten a glimpse of the revolting bridesmaid's dresses) I smiled and said, "No, thank you."

Done.

It's really not that hard to politely decline this dubious honor.
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:08 PM
 
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I was done with weddings before I even started. Fortunately I've not had to suffer through one for ten years and all my friends who are likely to marry have already done so. 'Thanks very much,' says the other perpetual single apart from me in my circle. Well, if he weren't such a cheapskate and bothered to leave his house once in a while...

Anyway, as the product of a marriage that never should have happened and therefore didn't last, I have no faith in the concept and no desire to be a part of it on any level. I detest formal attire, small talk, all those pointless traditions and the geriatric aunt who waggles a bony finger in your face and says 'you're next!' I bet she'd love it if someone did that to her at a funeral.

Want to invite me to your wedding? Don't. Then we'll all live happily ever after and you won't get to tell the story of the guy at the singles table who stuck a salad fork in one eye and a butter knife in the other, then head-butted the nearest wall just to put himself out of your inevitable nuptial misery.
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:10 PM
 
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OP: No is a complete sentence.
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:14 PM
 
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And 'I do' is a life sentence. HAYOOOUUU!
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Old 02-06-2017, 08:57 PM
 
37,478 posts, read 45,746,600 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RamenAddict View Post
It doesn't really matter if you can afford it. Why should you be asked to fork out $1000+ for someone else's wedding? The last time I was in an out-of-town wedding (almost 16 years ago), the bride/groom paid for accommodations for the out-of-state bridesmaids/groomsmen/ushers since they knew the expense of getting there and buying/renting the appropriate attire was quite an expense on its own.

In my experience, when I don't want to spend a lot of cash on a wedding, it's often people other than the bride/groom who really care about it and want to go all out for the bachelorette/bachelor parties and do the expensive things. For example, I went to one that had an open bar the entire time with people who were totally trashed and inappropriate, but that was mostly the parents who paid for that, not the bride/groom. Instead of a standard shower, they had a coed party with soccer and ultimate frisbee in a park for all age groups because they knew that the wedding itself would not be child friendly.
Exactly. I've never known a couple that would place such exhorbitant costs on members of the bridal party.
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Old 02-06-2017, 09:24 PM
 
3,137 posts, read 2,692,671 times
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Just be honest and say you cannot afford to be part of this wedding.


Bridesmaids and groomsmen do get something out of being a part of a wedding, though. So you could look at it as paying for the experience, albeit an expensive one.
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Old 02-06-2017, 09:24 PM
 
Location: Des Moines Metro
5,103 posts, read 8,567,168 times
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I can relate to being in the wedding party and having the costs go through the roof.

Like many here, I just say no, and I've also stopped flying to distant weddings. I have better uses for the money, and long-distance travel just keeps getting harder.
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