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Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
Run, hide, do not answer the person's calls. You will be drug down quickly. Unless you are Dear Abby or something, avoid this person.
Would you consider it off-putting, if a new acquaintance you're just meeting for the first time keeps making offhand but negative references to their financial situation, complaining about bills, budget constraints, ranting about unfair treatment at work etc? I met a person like that recently, who seemed nice and friendly enough but there was just something about them that rang a bit of an alarm bell for me, and finally I realized it was this, a sort of victim mentality - which, from past experiences, I've seen go alongside a user mentality as well, and thus someone I would be apprehensive of letting too close. Would you agree? Or am I overthinking it?
I would agree that such "I'm being victimized" people tend to justify their victimization of others (if they recognize it), even if that victimization is passive-aggressive, subtle, or unconscious. This is an expression of a mental health issue (of some sort; to some degree) given you can make the characterization in such a short time.
Note: I consider it a "mental health issue" if someone becomes fixated on any single aspect of life, such as, the vegan who can't stop talking about being a vegan, the "political pundit" who can't stop talking politics, the complainer who never has anything nice to say, and etc.
Negative, whining people bring negative energy. I refuse to be involved with such people. Yeah, all of us have problems of some sort, but who wants to hear whining and complaining? When a person sees life as a glass half empty, they have little or nothing to offer to friendship that would benefit their friends.
This is a HUGE red flag - especially since she is sniffing around to find out how much money you have.
Everyone has stressors and complaints from time to time, but I would be completely put off by someone I just met who hit me with a barrage of complaints and sob stories. And, heaven forbid, if you indulge them in any way, it's like feeding a stray cat. It never ends. And it's exhausting, to boot. I think that you would be smart to stay away.
In reply to your original post, please be honest with that person and let them know their complaining has a negative effect on you, causes strife, gives you ulcers, makes you consider ending it all. If you don't want their friendship it won't matter anyway. But it will give them a chance to fix it if they want to.
Some people's lives are so miserable. They need a reminder that they can fix it, change their opinion of it, or continue to miss out on good friends.
I knew a guy like this about a decade ago. Initially, he seemed like a potentially good friend, but it wasn't long before I learned otherwise. His behavior mirrored everything else I've read here -- constant complaining about being broke, and how everybody mistreated him. He would regularly gripe to another friend of mine about how everything that guy did was wrong, then gripe to me about how unfair it was that the guy wasn't treating him with more respect. And his response to every crisis? "I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING." Sure. It's just an amazing coincidence that every person you meet is disrespectful by nature....
In reply to your original post, please be honest with that person and let them know their complaining has a negative effect on you, causes strife, gives you ulcers, makes you consider ending it all. If you don't want their friendship it won't matter anyway. But it will give them a chance to fix it if they want to.
Some people's lives are so miserable. They need a reminder that they can fix it, change their opinion of it, or continue to miss out on good friends.
No, they're not going to change who they are because a new acquaintance tells them they're too negative.
I posted earlier about a similar situation. This is who they are, sure they may briefly tone it down for awhile but it comes back to the surface.
Everyone has problems. I have a very good friend who at the same time had his mother in the last stages of Alzheimers and his BIL dying of pancreatic cancer at age 45. Yet, if you met him you would have thought he didn't have a care in the world.
I was both amazed and in awe of him and asked how do you do it? He said "it does no good to tell everyone you meet your problems, most don't really care, and it doesn't change the outcome".
Some people also just choose to be miserable. You could hand them a million dollars on a silver tray and they would say "only a million, and why not a gold tray".
They're toxic, and you avoid them.
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