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When do you think it is appropriate to break up with a friend? This is not a romantic situation, just a same sex friendship where you have been friends on and off for 20 years.
There is a "friend" who has recently wanted to come back into my life, and while I was open to her friendship at first, I have since realized that we have nothing in common anymore.
Should I say something to her about not wanting to be friends, or should I just decline all invitations to do stuff until she gets the message?
I've never told someone to their face that I don't want to be friends anymore but I've read about how that can be beneficial to both people. I just don't know if that is really necessary in this situation.
But if I just ignore her, that seems rather childish too.
Anyone have any experience with these types of situations?
Just be casually busy whenever she wants to get together. She will get the message. Or if she suggests an activity, say "I don't want to go, I don't like doing XXX."
Yeah I agree. In this particular situation where you both haven't been friends consistently for the past 20 years it's not necessary to tell her you no longer want to be friends face to face. I think politely saying you're busy consistently when she asks to hang out will suffice.
I find it classless, rude and disrespectful to just ignore or act busy.
Come on people, are you really that mean? I think you owe your friend the truth. You don't have to do it in person if you don't want to. Via text or email is fine. Let her know that you have other interests and a happy life and you no longer want to hang out.
I find it classless, rude and disrespectful to just ignore or act busy.
Come on people, are you really that mean? I think you owe your friend the truth. You don't have to do it in person if you don't want to. Via text or email is fine. Let her know that you have other interests and a happy life and you no longer want to hang out.
It is good etiquette and karma.
I agree. Even long time friends, spouses for that matter, can grow apart regardless of the span of their relationship. It certainly happened in my first marriage. The parting can and should be handled humanely.
OP, stop being a wuss. Grow a backbone, be truthful and state your intentions. Maybe your flakiness is why the friendship was off and on for those 20 years. If you can't be honest with this person about the state of your relationship with her, you were never friends to begin with and she's probably better off without you in her life.
Quote:
Originally Posted by oh-eve
I find it classless, rude and disrespectful to just ignore or act busy.
Come on people, are you really that mean? I think you owe your friend the truth. You don't have to do it in person if you don't want to. Via text or email is fine. Let her know that you have other interests and a happy life and you no longer want to hang out.
I find it classless, rude and disrespectful to just ignore or act busy.
Come on people, are you really that mean? I think you owe your friend the truth. You don't have to do it in person if you don't want to. Via text or email is fine. Let her know that you have other interests and a happy life and you no longer want to hang out.
It is good etiquette and karma.
I was thinking about doing this but wasn't sure if people really do this! It almost feels mean but yet just being busy and saying no to invites, when we were at one time each other's best friend, sounds very passive aggressive to me. I'm trying to be more honest about stuff.
The truth is that I don't really like her anymore. I don't like her personality for various reasons. So it's really not that we don't have things in common, it's because I honestly don't care for her. She is very manipulative and that scares me. And she is jealous of anyone who she thinks gets things they don't deserve.
We haven't talked or emailed in about a week so should I wait for her to contact me or be proactive and just send her an email? She may be just feeling like she doesn't want to be friends as well since I haven't heard from her so maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie?
The truth is that I don't really like her anymore. I don't like her personality for various reasons. So it's really not that we don't have things in common, it's because I honestly don't care for her. She is very manipulative and that scares me. And she is jealous of anyone who she thinks gets things they don't deserve.
Then TELL her that. Use "I..." statements and examples of her past behavior and how that behavior made you feel. Like, "I feel that you were very manipulative when you (did/said whatever...)"
I was thinking about doing this but wasn't sure if people really do this! It almost feels mean but yet just being busy and saying no to invites, when we were at one time each other's best friend, sounds very passive aggressive to me. I'm trying to be more honest about stuff.
The truth is that I don't really like her anymore. I don't like her personality for various reasons. So it's really not that we don't have things in common, it's because I honestly don't care for her. She is very manipulative and that scares me. And she is jealous of anyone who she thinks gets things they don't deserve.
We haven't talked or emailed in about a week so should I wait for her to contact me or be proactive and just send her an email? She may be just feeling like she doesn't want to be friends as well since I haven't heard from her so maybe I should just let sleeping dogs lie?
Yes, it is mean to lie to her. It is mean to ignore her calls.
I was exactly in your situation. She was drama. I cut her off with an email. Years later she came back. Said she changed. I gave her a change. Same drama. I sent her another email. I don't remember if she answered or not but it worked. She is not my problem/friend anymore and I am much happier.
In your case I would wait until she contacts you again. Then send her an email. Don't be mean. Don't send her too much of any explanation that she could argue over. Be polite but firm. No need to offend her. Just state you are no longer interested in the friendship, you have other friends and interests now and you wish her the best.
I promise you that once you send the email, a huge burden will fall off you and you will feel very relieved.
Then TELL her that. Use "I..." statements and examples of her past behavior and how that behavior made you feel. Like, "I feel that you were very manipulative when you (did/said whatever...)"
I would not do that. She is going to answer in a loooooooooong email, explaining her behavior, defending herself or even get nasty. Too much drama.
Short and firm is my suggestion.
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