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I did a little research today, and found a site that said that one of the causes of colic is an allergy to formula, or to certain formulas. Another is gas buildup in the digestive tract, and a third cause is theorized to be sensory overstimulation. In the first few weeks, the baby apparently has super-filters built-in, to filter out much sensory input, so they can sleep on and off all day, but that effect wears off, and some babies can get overwhelmed.
I firmly believe that in my daughter's case, it was mostly sensory overstimulation. But like I said, she's been extremely sensitive to EVERYTHING since the day she was born. She's also very intuitive, very artistic, and very creative.
Not meant to imply that you have to be colicky to be all that, because clearly you don't. Her brother is just as artistic and intuitive and creative as her and he was the happiest, most easy going baby there ever was, from day 1.
She outgrew that colic of course and was a precious baby and toddler - but for about 4-6 months there I thought I was going to lose my mind. Like others described, sometimes I just had to be sure she was fed, dry, burped, rocked, clean, and then I would just put her in her crib and close the door so I couldn't hear her scream. I mean, even if I was holding her she was screaming. It was very distressing.
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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I never did the putting them in the room and shutting the door. Sometimes I would just lay him on the floor on his blanket and while he cried, I cried.
One day my daughter (the oldest of the two) was crying, he started crying then I started crying. What a sight that must have been. Hubby was off playing softball in a tournament. That day is burned into my memory bank. Whew.
"Not only are instances of all-out crying rare, but the phenomenon called "colic" in the West, where babies go beyond mere crying to howling, doubling-down on their efforts to be heard and get their needs met in an environment of neglectful parents and perhaps older siblings, is non-existent. A culture that blames infants for being difficult ("colicky") in the face of parental neglect is scary. This is where later behavior problems, and failure to bond and develop trust with parents, begin."
As a mom of a once-colicky baby but now cheerful & happy 6 year old, this comment upsets me greatly. I certainly hope you are not suggesting that all parents of colicky babies are neglectful, because that would infuriate me. No one knows why some babies are colicky in the first few months of life. I lived through that nightmare, and I can tell you, nothing worked--both my husband and I tried everything...baby wearing, cuddling/snuggling, carrying the poor little guy around the house everywhere, singing, rocking, all of the usual suggestions like white noise. The only thing that worked was car rides. I spent the first four months of my son's life bleary with exhaustion and trying everything I could to help soothe and calm him. He would scream and cry so incessantly every night that he became hoarse. It was awful. As a new mom, I felt like a failure; other people had content babies, happy babies, I had a baby that did nothing but scream from 6-10 PM every night, so surely it must be my fault. Thankfully he did grow out of it, and thankfully, I had a supportive pediatrician and a circle of friends who helped my family through that time.
Anyone who would suggest that "babies are colicky due to a neglectful parent" is woefully ignorant. It's a cruel thing to suggest to parents who love their child and would do (and have tried) anything to help soothe them.
+1. My youngest was a colicky baby, and the only time he wasn't screaming was when he was held upright in arms. He also projectile vomited every time he cried, so I carried him all day long, and he never slept for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, except at night, when he would only sleep as long as he was dream feeding. Definitely not a neglected baby. I never once left him to cry it out; if anything I felt like a hostage for the first year because I was so attentive.
We tried everything recommended: reflux meds, gripe water, a vibrating baby seat, I cut all allergenic and gass-producing foods from my diet (I was nursing) until I was consuming nothing but rice, tofu, and broth. Then it suddenly stopped once he became mobile and was walking. Granted, he was always a lot more clingy and fretful than my other two, but at least he wasn't crying all day anymore.
Last edited by Ginge McFantaPants; 03-08-2017 at 07:27 PM..
I never did the putting them in the room and shutting the door. Sometimes I would just lay him on the floor on his blanket and while he cried, I cried.
One day my daughter (the oldest of the two) was crying, he started crying then I started crying. What a sight that must have been. Hubby was off playing softball in a tournament. That day is burned into my memory bank. Whew.
We got through it. LOL
Oh hell, I freely admit - I did the whole "swaddle the baby and close the door" thing several times. And honestly, I don't even feel guilty. What was I supposed to do? At least I didn't drink myself silly or throw the baby against the wall or whatever. All I did was make sure her every possible need was met and then close the door so I didn't go crazy.
Thank GOD that only lasted a few months and I only actually had to do that a couple of times in that few months. But like you -those days are burned in my memory. I felt so incredibly helpless and ineffective. And like you, I had an older toddler. I just thought, "What the heck? I must be the worst mother in the history of mankind. I have to close this door and sit on the porch for awhile."
Location: Finally the house is done and we are in Port St. Lucie!
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Quote:
Originally Posted by KathrynAragon
Oh hell, I freely admit - I did the whole "swaddle the baby and close the door" thing several times. And honestly, I don't even feel guilty. What was I supposed to do? At least I didn't drink myself silly or throw the baby against the wall or whatever. All I did was make sure her every possible need was met and then close the door so I didn't go crazy.
Thank GOD that only lasted a few months and I only actually had to do that a couple of times in that few months. But like you -those days are burned in my memory. I felt so incredibly helpless and ineffective. And like you, I had an older toddler. I just thought, "What the heck? I must be the worst mother in the history of mankind. I have to close this door and sit on the porch for awhile."
We lived in a trailer at the time. No sound barriers even if I had put him in a room and closed the door. I just felt so helpless at times. Thank god that that time was a relatively short period.
+1. My youngest was a colicky baby, and the only time he wasn't screaming was when he was held upright in arms. He also projectile vomited every time he cried, so I carried him all day long, and he never slept for more than 15-20 minutes at a time, except at night, when he would only sleep as long as he was dream feeding. Definitely not a neglected baby. I never once left him to cry it out; if anything I felt like a hostage for the first year because I was so attentive.
We tried everything recommended: reflux meds, gripe water, a vibrating baby seat, I cut all allergenic and gass-producing foods from my diet (I was nursing) until I was consuming nothing but rice, tofu, and broth. Then it suddenly stopped once he became mobile and was walking. Granted, he was always a lot more clingy and fretful than my other two, but at least he wasn't crying all day anymore.
My one and only baby was also colicky, however, he was different, he didn't scream, he simply projectile vomited every time he ate. I wondered how he was getting any nourishment. The doctor suggested that after he was done eating, to sit him on the table, put a diaper in front of him, cup my index finger and thumb around his neck, bend him a bit while patting his back. that worked, however, still, when I laid him down he would vomit, and that poor poor soul would have vomit all over him, but he didn't cry....he was the best child, honestly....I felt so bad for him, we tried everything. Finally, at the suggestion of our doctor, changed over to goats milk, and it did help some, but....he still brought it up. Doctor told me, when he started to crawl the colic/allerge to milk would subside. I never nursed, but wish I had...maybe he wouldn't have been plagued with this dilema. And it thankfully did. I could actually cry when I think about what a lovely soul he was, even as a baby...so kind hearted and patient.
It occurred to me today that I have been uncritically accepting of all "Mommie Dearest" posts, probably because I feel a certain kinship to that person.
And I was taken aback by the people in this thread who said they scoff and laugh when they read these posts. TBH, I thought that was pretty heartless.
I know abuse, physical and mental, exists. I know there is blatant favoritism of one child coupled with neglect of another. I know there are people in the world who avert their eyes and hand their child over to a molester. I know there are people who never seemed to matter to their parents in any way, shape or form.
Does this mean that, without fail, every story is true and an accurate representation of the facts? Sadly, I conclude it does not.
I have to give credence to the possibility that there are agendas other than venting or seeking an anonymous connection, even if I can't guess what those agendas might be.
Another possibility is mental illness.
My hope for everyone is that they find the help they need. Confabulators and dissemblers need love, too.
Last edited by fluffythewondercat; 03-10-2017 at 12:02 PM..
Same here. I was beat/tortured with extension cords until my skin bled, punched, slapped, hair ripped out, kicked, etc. And the worst of it was the name calling - being called the B-word on a daily basis at the tender age of 5. Who does this to a child!! My mom clearly didn't like me and has no maternal instinct at all. She has no relationship with any of her grandkids. I've not seen her in 25 years and have no real desire to do so. We speak on occasion via phone (when she initiates) and the convo is so fake I want to throw up. She's still very evil. Always judging, gossiping or cursing abt someone. Sometimes it's just too much to listen to and I tell her that I won't listen to that "talk" and suggest she calls again when her mood is better (which is almost never).
Despite all that I went thru, I am so very thankful that I was capable of raising two kind, loving kids despite my childhood pain. That was my blessing. I'm still working on healing and believe me it's quite a chore.
I am so sorry for you, SWgirl, threewolves, and others here who have told their stories. I can't imagine how people can overcome something like this, having never known nurturing and love as young children. It really speaks to your courage and determination that you are able to survive and not continue the cycle.
I won't forget your stories.
It kills me that our system operates with so little empathy. Everything is reward/punishment, zero tolerance. Programs that teach kids positive behavior are in the minority even though they are shown to be most effective. Some schools have begun to go in and teach kids about abuse and to seek help. People don't realize that kids sometimes don't know they are being abused. Their home life is all they know and understand. I remember reading about a girl who called for help because her parents were tying up her brothers and beating them as punishment. She did not know that was wrong until she learned about it at school.
But for now, kids languish in terrible homes, foster homes, juvenile facilities, and other places where abuse is rampant and we keep turning a blind eye.
Sorry, I've turned this into a rant. It's just a sad state of affairs that this is not a priority for us as a society.
Here's a person who goes through the effort of carrying around a life inside the womb, painfully gives birth, changes diapers, feeds, and raises a child. Such a person must be a nurturer; and after all of that turns on the child. Not saying that I'm so ignorant as to believe that such people don't exist; it's just that they exist in far greater numbers than I realized.
Color me disillusioned.
OR the OPs take the normal b-flat family friction and distort it beyond recognition. You know, the equivalent of taking an incident where Mom insisted on the teenager being in by midnight and magnifying it until the story we hear is that Mom had a curfew of 9 pm and would hire detectives to follow the daughter around at night.
You know those people. They air a grievance and, when no one buys it or finds holes in the story, starts adding more and more detail in subsequent posts to make their case, mostly ginned up out of thin air.
Iowa Teen Girl Who Starved to Death in Adoptive Mom's Home...
Quote:
According to KCCI, child welfare workers determined Natalie was choosing not to eat, even though they had been told her mother was depriving her of food.
Officials determined the allegations of abuse at the home were unfounded, but they never pursued physical examinations of the children, KCCI reports.
CPS isn't worth a hill of beans.
Quote:
The Register, citing the arrest affidavit, reports that Nicole allegedly told investigators she tried performing CPR on her daughter after a younger sibling found Natalie on her back with vomit coming out of her mouth. Nicole allegedly claimed Natalie was a troubled teenager with a mental health disorder - telling investigators that Natalie and two of her siblings would go to the bathroom on the floor in the home “out of spite and defiance.”
Riiiiight. I'm sure that's exactly what happened. I'm sure she was a "good" mom who was being tarnished when all she wanted her children to do was "live their own lives".
Some people need to realize, this bs happens. Sorry if it doesn't fit the "perfect mom" narrative that some have, but this is reality. This one hits close to home.
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