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Old 03-14-2017, 10:59 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,132 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947

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Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
LOL...so very true. You can see it in restaurants, even in movies before the picture starts, people aren't talking to the people they came with, they're staring down at their phones.

Sad.



No, it wasn't. At least nothing this bad.

There has been a major shift in the last decade or so, and it's very noticeable if you're paying attention.

People walking around in stores staring down at phones, a group of people supposedly eating a meal together staring down at phones. Some people just can't seem to put them down.

One of the funniest things I saw was a group of twenty somethings seemed to be coworkers at a restaurant on their lunch break. One guy did try to get a conversation going but the rest were into their phones.

Why not just go eat lunch by yourself and brown bag it? You can save money and clearly you don't want to talk to anyone?

To say there hasn't be a shift is to be in denial.
I didn't say there hadn't been a shift. I was responding to Curmy's post. Please don't put words in my mouth. Just because it's deteriorated even further doesn't mean my statement isn't true. The OP is about people talking about themselves, and gossiping about others. That's been around for a very long time. It's a sadly impoverished repertoire.
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Old 03-14-2017, 11:08 PM
 
2,449 posts, read 2,589,068 times
Reputation: 5702
There's nothing wrong with talking to yourself.

As long as you don't say, "What did you say?"
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Old 03-15-2017, 10:19 AM
 
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
10,931 posts, read 11,692,733 times
Reputation: 13170
Most people who talk a lot about themselves think they are better than everyone else. Besides, it's generally quite boring.
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Old 03-15-2017, 11:10 AM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by NoMoreSnowForMe View Post
I learned a great lesson when I was about 24 years old about the fact that I talked about myself more than listened to other people.

I had a live-in boyfriend and his horrid mother came to visit us often for as long as a month at a time. It was torture. She was very unkind to me.

My boyfriend and I were in a band at the time, and on breaks we'd go sit with his mother, who had been invited to sit at a table with some of our friends. His mother started to tell me things about my friends that she found interesting, and I never knew about.

It was actually shameful. I'd known my friends for several years and didn't know some simple things about their backgrounds and interests. My evil sort-of-mother-in-law had simply asked them about themselves and listened.

As much as I couldn't stand her, I learned a great lesson from her on how to ask someone else about themselves and listen. I'm actually pretty good at it now. But, I do have to watch myself, because I like to vent about my life and my goals and problems - which of course, is me talking about me and expecting someone else to listen. So, it's still an effort on my part. But, I'm much better at listening to people and asking them about themselves and really caring and remembering what they say.

Everyone needs to be listened to. If there isn't real give and take, nobody is going to stick around - unless they want something else from you.
That is a great story and a powerful lesson.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
I didn't say there hadn't been a shift. I was responding to Curmy's post. Please don't put words in my mouth. Just because it's deteriorated even further doesn't mean my statement isn't true. The OP is about people talking about themselves, and gossiping about others. That's been around for a very long time. It's a sadly impoverished repertoire.
You said that conversation was dead in the US long before electronic devices.

I don't find that to be true. People used to sit around and talk even if you go back 10 or 15 years.

Go out to a restaurant now, a bar, a movie theater before the movie starts and observe people. Many if not most are staring down at a device in their hand. Not talking to the people they're with, who also are probably staring down at their phone. Some of them can't even turn their phones off to watch the movie, God forbid they miss a text or a FB update.

They can't even walk their dog or push their toddler in a stroller without being entranced in the phone. It's sad and can end up being dangerous. They're so engulfed in their phone they're not even paying attention to who or what is around them.

My favorites are the ones walking through a busy parking lot, just assuming the cars see them. They don't seem to think the driver could be doing just what they're doing and hit them.

It's not conjecture, it's fact.

There was a time and not that long ago when people actually talked to the people they were with and used the phone....wait for it......to make a call.
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Old 03-15-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: Chicago area
18,762 posts, read 11,757,490 times
Reputation: 64149
The only way a person gets to know who you are is if you open up and talk about yourself. The problem comes when someone wants to verbally vomit their entire life story all over you in an hour. You give me a piece, I'll give you a piece. Then we'll get to know each other in time.
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Old 03-15-2017, 12:34 PM
 
Location: North Idaho
32,565 posts, read 47,740,591 times
Reputation: 78078
I always wonder about all the texting. Who are they texting with? They can't hold a conversation and the person they are texting with for such a long time probably can't hold a conversation, so what is it that they are texting back and forth?
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Old 03-15-2017, 12:45 PM
 
Location: Central Florida
3,658 posts, read 2,552,103 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by animalcrazy View Post
The only way a person gets to know who you are is if you open up and talk about yourself. The problem comes when someone wants to verbally vomit their entire life story all over you in an hour. You give me a piece, I'll give you a piece. Then we'll get to know each other in time.
I work with someone like that. It's all about her. You can say "doorknob" and she will give you a twenty minutes dissertation on doorknobs. It goes on an on. No matter the subject, she has a long and boring story to go with it. I specifically avoid her at all costs.
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Old 03-15-2017, 12:45 PM
 
Location: here
24,873 posts, read 36,102,689 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by HappyFarm34 View Post
It seems to be it gets seen in a negative light. I've noticed people who don't like to talk about themselves tend to gossip about others. That has been my observation from what I've seen. I'll admit I enjoy talking about myself. Sorry, if that makes me come off as narcissistic. I'm not into gossip and talking about people that I have no contact with.
Those aren't your only 2 options.
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Old 03-15-2017, 01:00 PM
 
Location: State of Transition
102,132 posts, read 107,402,364 times
Reputation: 115947
Quote:
Originally Posted by seain dublin View Post
That is a great story and a powerful lesson.



You said that conversation was dead in the US long before electronic devices.

I don't find that to be true. People used to sit around and talk even if you go back 10 or 15 years.

.
Ah, this is where you went wrong. I didn't say conversation has been dead since long before electronic devices. I said "the art of conversation has been dead...". That's a very different statement. Sitting around talking isn't an art if all you're doing, as the OP describes, is talking about yourself, or gossiping about others. Or talking about the latest Seinfeld episode, or whatever. Mindless chatter, vs. discussing science, philosophy, literature, the arts, dare I say--politics?, or the news, in depth and at least somewhat knowledgeably are very different things. Not to mention: engaging in the latter while being thoughtful of your conversation partners, to ensure they're able to participate equally.

There definitely is an artful side to conversation, but our culture doesn't seem to value it. Maybe it just became old-fashioned? Or was lost with the dumbing down of America?
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Old 03-15-2017, 07:56 PM
 
17,815 posts, read 25,577,206 times
Reputation: 36267
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruth4Truth View Post
Ah, this is where you went wrong. I didn't say conversation has been dead since long before electronic devices. I said "the art of conversation has been dead...". That's a very different statement. Sitting around talking isn't an art if all you're doing, as the OP describes, is talking about yourself, or gossiping about others. Or talking about the latest Seinfeld episode, or whatever. Mindless chatter, vs. discussing science, philosophy, literature, the arts, dare I say--politics?, or the news, in depth and at least somewhat knowledgeably are very different things. Not to mention: engaging in the latter while being thoughtful of your conversation partners, to ensure they're able to participate equally.

There definitely is an artful side to conversation, but our culture doesn't seem to value it. Maybe it just became old-fashioned? Or was lost with the dumbing down of America?
I see what you're saying and see the difference.

But honestly I would rather see people talking, even if it was adults talking about South Park or some other silly show.

At least they're talking.

I see parents out to dinner both texting, while their young kids sit there. They're going to turn around and those kids will be teenagers who don't want to eat out with mom or dad any longer.

There is a thread on here about when you lose your parents you can no longer ask them about family history or what it was like growing up during WW2, because once they're gone the stories go with them if you don't talk to them about it.

I used to see a middle age man and his elderly dad out when I ate out with my elderly father. Saw them a few times, son was always on his phone texting, never bothered with the father. Well my dad is gone now and I am glad I talked to him, instead of texting.
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