Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Its a long friendship, and also long distance. A friendship since 1972. But we typically get together once or twice a year for a long girls' weekend. I have agonized over this one. I want to end the friendship. I have been avoiding our hour+ long weekly phone calls and many texts. She recently sent me a long text asking what is wrong and I just told her I am busy. But its not true. The friendship is just bad for me in many, many ways. She's negative, doesn't care about my interests, cuts me off if I try to tell her about my life -- just wants to discuss her world. I think she exercises poor judgement in many things but she is not open to input. Sooooo.... tell her "its over" or just continue to fade off....and avoid her calls and texts?
Its a long friendship, and also long distance. A friendship since 1972. But we typically get together once or twice a year for a long girls' weekend. I have agonized over this one. I want to end the friendship. I have been avoiding our hour+ long weekly phone calls and many texts. She recently sent me a long text asking what is wrong and I just told her I am busy. But its not true. The friendship is just bad for me in many, many ways. She's negative, doesn't care about my interests, cuts me off if I try to tell her about my life -- just wants to discuss her world. I think she exercises poor judgement in many things but she is not open to input. Sooooo.... tell her "its over" or just continue to fade off....and avoid her calls and texts?
I can sometimes be this way and I have to make the effort to remind myself to ask others about their lives.
I think if you genuinely like her and want to save the friendship, tell her you feel like the conversations have been very one sided and see if she can make the effort to change.
Its a long friendship, and also long distance. A friendship since 1972. But we typically get together once or twice a year for a long girls' weekend. I have agonized over this one. I want to end the friendship. I have been avoiding our hour+ long weekly phone calls and many texts. She recently sent me a long text asking what is wrong and I just told her I am busy. But its not true. The friendship is just bad for me in many, many ways. She's negative, doesn't care about my interests, cuts me off if I try to tell her about my life -- just wants to discuss her world. I think she exercises poor judgement in many things but she is not open to input. Sooooo.... tell her "its over" or just continue to fade off....and avoid her calls and texts?
Is this the same friend you posted about before? The one who came to visit for a long weekend and didn't want to do what you wanted to do? You had no similar interests.
I would find just discussing her world and being cut off when you tried to talk about your life very annoying, I know someone like this.
But you only see her once or twice a year, can you get through the long weekend?
It would be one thing if she lived within driving distance, IDK, I think I could through one weekend and just do what she wanted. Knowing it's not going to go on too long.
Its a long friendship, and also long distance. A friendship since 1972. But we typically get together once or twice a year for a long girls' weekend. I have agonized over this one. I want to end the friendship. I have been avoiding our hour+ long weekly phone calls and many texts. She recently sent me a long text asking what is wrong and I just told her I am busy. But its not true. The friendship is just bad for me in many, many ways. She's negative, doesn't care about my interests, cuts me off if I try to tell her about my life -- just wants to discuss her world. I think she exercises poor judgement in many things but she is not open to input. Sooooo.... tell her "its over" or just continue to fade off....and avoid her calls and texts?
These are good enough reasons to end a friendship--it sounds VERY one-sided, anyway. I wouldn't feel a need to tell her, I'd just drop this type of person. You sound a bit hesitant, and if you call and 'confront' her you just might allow her to reel you back in (she needs an audience, and the non-confrontational, go-along-to-get-along types usually end up being the sufferers because they never learned the word 'no').
Don't go the typical route of 'pretend to be nice, be cordial, waste an hour or two of your day on the phone with someone you have no interest in because it's the nice thing to do.' Doesn't sound like she's been very nice to you.
Is this the same friend you posted about before? The one who came to visit for a long weekend and didn't want to do what you wanted to do? You had no similar interests.
I would find just discussing her world and being cut off when you tried to talk about your life very annoying, I know someone like this.
But you only see her once or twice a year, can you get through the long weekend?
It would be one thing if she lived within driving distance, IDK, I think I could through one weekend and just do what she wanted. Knowing it's not going to go on too long.
Just out of curiosity--why? What sort of satisfaction do you gain from 'putting up with' someone you secretly find distasteful? Does it matter that much what they think of you--when they've clearly shown that they don't think of you?
Not attacking you, just seriously wondering what is up with so many folks on this 'sigh...I hate (insert situation) but I'll tolerate it for the sake of this other person' kick. Especially when the other person is not really considered a friend.
If your friend did a turn-around, and suddenly was more interested in what was happening in your life...would it make you happy and want to still be friends? Or has she always been kind of self-centered, and you were accepting of that before?
In other words...who changed, her or you?
If you've changed, then I'd say move on, but maybe try to at least stay friendly. Maybe not long weekend, hour long chats friendly, but more like maybe a weekly email friendly. lol
I've recently reconnected with high school friends on facebook. We've all gotten together a couple of times...and that's nice enough.
But I'm not particularly interested in close friendships with any of them particularly. Our lives are pretty different, and other than the fact that we all went to the same school, and the fact that I was actually friends with a couple of them...we don't have a lot in common now, and one of them would seriously annoy me over the course of time, if we tried to "be friends again" I think.
We've taken divergent paths, not likely to cross again. I'm ok with that.
These are good enough reasons to end a friendship--it sounds VERY one-sided, anyway. I wouldn't feel a need to tell her, I'd just drop this type of person. You sound a bit hesitant, and if you call and 'confront' her you just might allow her to reel you back in (she needs an audience, and the non-confrontational, go-along-to-get-along types usually end up being the sufferers because they never learned the word 'no').
Don't go the typical route of 'pretend to be nice, be cordial, waste an hour or two of your day on the phone with someone you have no interest in because it's the nice thing to do.' Doesn't sound like she's been very nice to you.
Time to close the door on this one.
Confronting also may start other problems.
If you're dealing with a narcissist(and it sounds like she might be) they don't let go so easily.
I think "fade out" is the way to go.
Quote:
Originally Posted by BobCaldwell
[/b]
Just out of curiosity--why? What sort of satisfaction do you gain from 'putting up with' someone you secretly find distasteful? Does it matter that much what they think of you--when they've clearly shown that they don't think of you?
Not attacking you, just seriously wondering what is up with so many folks on this 'sigh...I hate (insert situation) but I'll tolerate it for the sake of this other person' kick. Especially when the other person is not really considered a friend.
No satisfaction.
I was just asking since they live very far away from each other and only spend one long weekend together once a year, which was easier put up with it for 3 days or drop her?
If this was someone you had to put with who lived within driving distance and you were seeing them on a regular basis, drop them for sure.
There is no easy answer on this one, you're damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
