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Went with a (platonic) friend to a local place for drinks and music. I drove, picked her and her girlfriend up, and off we went. We're there, all's well and good, we b.s. with friends. She meets this guy, doesn't know him from Adam, starts talking to him. Ok. She invited him to this after-hours hangout we frequent. Supposedly, this guy has a car, and could have driven himself - she insists, INSISTS, that he ride with us - in my car! As I said, I drove her and her girlfriend. Now, my friend didn't even take the time to introduce this guy to me: "Rick, this is (insert name)..." So now, I'm driving this total stranger to the other place! And for all I know, he could be a damned serial killer!
At the end of the night, I lit into my friend, big time! Her girlfriend knew that I was absolutely furious with her. I have no idea who this guy is...she could be raped, robbed, killed, anything I'm still very angry with her.
Not entirely. You're justified in being angry she put you in an awkward position by suggesting you drive him home. But you share responsibility for how the situation ended. You were foolish enough to allow your friend to pressure you into giving a total stranger a ride home. It's your car, so you had total control over the situation, You could have said, "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible." The trick is to say it with a smile. If anyone questioned you, the response should have been, "No, I really can't for a variety of reasons. I'm sure you can understand." Repeat as necessary, with pointed stare and vocal emphasis. You shouldn't explain your reasons to anyone because that opens up the topic for discussion & argument. If you'd handled it that way, then you'd be justified in your anger at your friend's stupidity and total lack of boundaries and self preservation. Instead you allowed your friend to commandeer your car. Your inability to say a simple "No" put all of you at more risk than her original suggestion, because you had the power to stop it and didn't. Next time, don't abdicate control.
Not entirely. You're justified in being angry she put you in an awkward position by suggesting you drive him home. But you share responsibility for how the situation ended. You were foolish enough to allow your friend to pressure you into giving a total stranger a ride home. It's your car, so you had total control over the situation, You could have said, "No, I'm sorry, that's just not possible." The trick is to say it with a smile. If anyone questioned you, the response should have been, "No, I really can't for a variety of reasons. I'm sure you can understand." Repeat as necessary, with pointed stare and vocal emphasis. You shouldn't explain your reasons to anyone because that opens up the topic for discussion & argument. If you'd handled it that way, then you'd be justified in your anger at your friend's stupidity and total lack of boundaries and self preservation. Instead you allowed your friend to commandeer your car. Your inability to say a simple "No" put all of you at more risk than her original suggestion, because you had the power to stop it and didn't. Next time, don't abdicate control.
I did say No. This guy said he had his own car. My friend - alcohol-fueled by this time - kept insisting that he ride with us, WITHOUT consulting me first! Again, what hurt me most was that she (my friend) never even took two seconds to introduce me to this total stranger! Yes, I share some of the blame as you say, but it happened so quickly that this guy was invited before I even realized it.
I actually spoke to my friend in a hard voice when she did this. I came very close to embarrassing her but decided not to create a scene. Again, none of us even KNOWS this guy, he could have done anything to her, to us, to whoever.
It's still on you. Making a scene is a small price to pay for avoiding a potential bad situation.
I agree.
We could have been hearing about you on the national news or Dateline Mystery as "Three Young Adults Missing and Presumed Dead" instead of reading about it on CD.
Yes, your drunk friend was wrong for inviting him to ride in your car and yes, they should have gotten more information from him before even inviting him to your after-hours spot, and yes, they should have, at the very minimum, introduced you "This is John Smith. He works at XYZ company on Main street and loves the same music that we love."
But the bottom line is Your car, your rules. You decide who gets to ride in it. Talk to your friend when she is not drunk and tell that that it will never happen again.
Last edited by germaine2626; 04-02-2017 at 06:19 AM..
Your friend picked up a random guy at a bar, and insisted he ride with you all to the next bar so that he wouldn't "get away".
Not saying you're right or wrong, but I don't understand why the strong reaction to not being introduced to a rando guy she picked up. To me, it's not a big deal. 1.) You may never see this guy again and 2.) Just introduce yourself.
Also, did you really feel in danger? If so, just keep repeating "No, he can meet us there." Or were you just ticked that she picked up this guy?
Unless your friend, or this guy, held a gun to your head and forced you to drive them elsewhere...this is on you 100%. Just. Say. No. It's that easy.
Here's the thing...if you had said, "I'm ticked, but I only agreed to let him ride with us so she wouldn't leave with him because I'm concerned about her safety", then maybe my opinion would be different. But, you didn't say that...you made this about YOU.
Alternatively, would you want your drunk friend riding in this strangers car alone? Yes, she played it wrong but in a sense you were there as protection - whether you knew this or not.
Alternatively, would you want your drunk friend riding in this strangers car alone? Yes, she played it wrong but in a sense you were there as protection - whether you knew this or not.
yes, but he didn't see it that way...he saw it as being about HIM.
He did mention her safety, but not in the sense of, "I only agreed so I could keep on eye on her" but in the sense of, "How dare she disrespect me!". Honestly, I think the he was gonna get pissed no matter what this friend did. He tends to get pissed quite easily and quite frequently..it's a behavioral pattern.
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