Rude to ask someone their ethnic background or nationality? (spouse, appropriate, father)

[shanv3]

Originally Posted by prospectheightsresident

Not in my social circles

Yes, not even in mine. I should rather say "most men, especially European " . North America aside, the rest of the continent men are too poor to travel or dont speak English

[Tallysmom]

Originally Posted by WorldKlas

Sorry I did not set this thread up in a poll format! I am the child of a Holocaust survivor and, growing up, lived with a parent who daily mourned the murder of his parents and extended family. And I bear the self-imposed task of not letting my peers or grandkids ever forget. My surname (via marriage) is very "ethnic" and I get asked frequently about my last name.

So, I answer the question about my husband's name and insert my own family history as a "teachable moment." I love learning about others' heritages, but hesistate due to the perception that I may be nosy or racist, or whatever.......

I did the Ancestry DNA test and with all the German last names in my tree, I would have figured lots of German DNA. Surprise!! I'm 39% Great Britain. Explains a lot. Now...within all those German last names, I have lots of wives with no last names. Given the history of PA, those lost names might be Scottish or English.

At least now while I'm paging through censuses, maybe I can find the other half of my genealogy, at least find new names to research. So much more satisfying than "clicking on a leaf" which a lot of times isn't the right person or takes me to a tree filled with nonsense.

[Frostnip]

There are a lot of replies on this thread like, "I always ask about people's accents/names/appearance, and they never mind!" I guarantee a significant portion of the people you comment on do find it at the very least mildly irritating, but are too well-socialized to do anything other than smile and respond. I've come to haaaate being asked about my accent when I'm going about my everyday life or doing my job. But I've never snapped back on it, that I can recall. At most I make a friendly joke and redirect to another subject.

Even if one doesn't find it at all rude or ignorant or whatever, being asked the same question constantly eventually gets tiresome, and if someone has an unusual name, way of speaking, or appearance, they are surely hearing about it often. It's like being a cashier and every single person thinking "I guess it's free!" is a clever reply when something doesn't scan, lol. WOW, NEVER HEARD THAT ONE BEFORE. Except it happens ALL THE TIME, not just in that context.

I'm not torn up about it or anything - I'd place it about on par with "bad drivers" for daily annoyances - but just as, like, a PSA: lots of people really do not love it. If someone does love it, they'll probably bring it up themselves at very minimal provocation (like mentioning your own heritage, or touching tangentially on the topic), without you having to be like, "HI, I CAN'T HELP BUT NOTICE THAT YOUR HAIR IS WEIRD, WHAT KIND OF OTHER ARE YOU?"

[Diane de Poitiers]

The one time I thought it was a little strange to be asked about my nationality/ethnic background was when a cashier in a candy store asked me if I was from South Africa. (No idea what gave her that impression/prompted her to ask)

[MsMetal]

Originally Posted by Frostnip

There are a lot of replies on this thread like, "I always ask about people's accents/names/appearance, and they never mind!" I guarantee a significant portion of the people you comment on do find it at the very least mildly irritating, but are too well-socialized to do anything other than smile and respond. I've come to haaaate being asked about my accent when I'm going about my everyday life or doing my job. But I've never snapped back on it, that I can recall. At most I make a friendly joke and redirect to another subject.

Even if one doesn't find it at all rude or ignorant or whatever, being asked the same question constantly eventually gets tiresome, and if someone has an unusual name, way of speaking, or appearance, they are surely hearing about it often.

I'm not torn up about it or anything - I'd place it about on par with "bad drivers" for daily annoyances - but just as, like, a PSA: lots of people really do not love it.

I can't rep you again, but I couldn't agree more. Don't assume that someone is not offended b/c they don't call you on it. It's a rude question, it's known as a rude question right up there with why don't you have kids & how much money do you make, but I try not to be rude, so even when someone asks me a rude question, I try (not always successful) to not reply with snark & will either make a joke, say "why do you ask?" so you hopefully realize it was a rude question or I may answer. I don't make a big deal of it, but it's really not ok to ask strangers. I don't dwell on it & it doesn't ruin my day, but yeah, it's annoying.

I'm appalled at the responses blaming the victims of rudeness for being offended. That's simply a justification for those people's poor behavior & manners. It's a personal question that pries into someone's background, which a stranger has no business asking. I would give more latitude to a friend, like I do when a friend asks why I don't have kids, but it's still rude & deeply personal.

Oh & I'm "white" & do get asked constantly b/c my name is so unusual to Americans, so I can vouch that whites with no accent get asked all the time.

[wase4711]

in the "old days" it was called "communicating" and/or "having a conversation"..

Now a days, its rude, insensitive, offensive...

Social media has pretty much destroyed the art/skill/desire of people to actually SPEAK to one another..Why talk when you can post/tweet or whatever how horrible it was that someone actually SPOKE to you about a subject you felt un easy about..

Here again, if you dont learn how to handle discussions that you are not particularly comfortable with, you will have a terrible time for the rest of your life, trying to deal with any sort of conflict resolution..

If people would actually talk to each other more now a days, instead of being offended when some one speaks to you, the world would be a MUCH better place, IMO...

[WorldKlas]

My husband finds it tiresome when people ask how to pronounce his/or last name. I don't. Sometimes a person will try to pronounce it (always wrong) and he will tell them they said it perfect just to move the issue out of the way -- example when renting a car at the counter -- so we can move along. I always correct time because they are genuinely interested.

But I have learned from this thread that, unfortunately, this can be offensive to people so I guess I will never ask. A shame.

[wase4711]

dont let the opinions or remarks of strangers on the internet dissuade you from living your life the way you want to...
keep talking to people, thats the best shot we have as a society to survive in the long run!

[Norne]

Originally Posted by wase4711

dont let the opinions or remarks of strangers on the internet dissuade you from living your life the way you want to...
keep talking to people, thats the best shot we have as a society to survive in the long run!

Second that. Soon it will be offensive to ask "What is your name?" just in case it might be a strange one. Those of us who still have a sound mind, like the OP seems to be, should not give in to the habits of this insane society. Let the perpetually offended crawl in their shells and communicate by twitter their "microagressions".

[tottsieanna]

I think it depends how well you know someone. It's a lot different if it is a new good friend or a love interest who wants to know all about you because they care about you then some random stranger asking you.