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Somewhere out there is a guy who has his son and the son's family come visit him for a week or less once or twice a year. His wife resents this. She won't discuss it with him but puts on a show making plans, making meals and pretending she's enjoying doing it but looks for every excuse to complain about the son and his wife. She feels entitled to complain because she's known the kid since he was three years old (was she the "other woman?") and he spent some of his time with his father when he was younger and she was the new wife. She doesn't say if her husband invites his own family to come visit but is not happy about it when they do.
She counts kilowatt hours while saying she's not cheap but calls the stepson a freeloader for asking to do an annual load of laundry. It's odd how someone who professes their generosity has the calculator handy at all times. Once the son even borrowed one of "their" cars for some side trips to see other relatives (and maybe to escape the family's CFO.) At least a half dozen of her posts turn to financial concerns but there's no indication that this is a concern of her husband. It would be enlightening to understand the economic situation of the parties here but I suspect that the OP sees her stepson as competition for his father's money.
Sadly, it would be no surprise at all to find that the guy out there somewhere knows nothing of the bitterness under his very nose but wonders why he doesn't see his son as often as he'd like to because certainly the son and the son's wife must feel the rancor.
Do I resent them visiting? No.
Nope, not the other woman.
Husband doesn't invite his family, they invite themselves.
Economic situation? Well I certainly don't see my stepson as competition for my husbands money. That's really funny!
His son doesn't come down very often because he works and it's a very long drive.
So no matter how many times we say that you are being petty, you come up with
a reason that you are not.
Is there anyway you can just let the washer thing go and look at the big picture?
Like the fact you get to have family around. Many people would love to have
your problems.
Just to play devil's advocate, didn't she say she cooks and bakes, and plans fun outings, etc? It's nice that she tries to make visits enjoyable but if it isn't appreciated, maybe she should cut back. If she didn't try so hard, she wouldn't be so worn out from having them as guests.
I should take this advice. I guess I'm so concerned with making the visit nice for my husband and his son/family, I end up doing it all. Do I resent that? Yeah, I guess I do. And I did cut back one year on Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to enjoy after dinner with everyone else and not get up and do the dishes. Well, no one else did either. My daughter asked me if we should start clearing and I said that I wasn't going to do the dishes, I was too tired. Now this was about 8 people (SS, DIL plus some other husbands relatives) Everyone on here should know that Thanksgiving is a lot of dishes. The china had to be hand washed because it has gold plate, plus all the silver and crystal. Oh, they washed them. Did they scrape off the food? Not really. Did they change the water at all? Nope. My daughter came into the dining room and told me that when she was going to put the dishes away but they were so greasy and there was still food on the bottom of the plates. I told her, just put them away and when they all leave, we'll just wash them all again. And that's what we did.
Last edited by MGS4EVER; 04-26-2017 at 12:39 AM..
Reason: clarity on the "guests"
I should take this advice. I guess I'm so concerned with making the visit nice for my husband and his son/family, I end up doing it all. Do I resent that? Yeah, I guess I do. And I did cut back one year on Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to enjoy after dinner with everyone else and not get up and do the dishes. Well, no one else did either. My daughter asked me if we should start clearing and I said that I wasn't going to do the dishes, I was too tired. Now this was about 8 people (SS, DIL plus some other husbands relatives) Everyone on here should know that Thanksgiving is a lot of dishes. The china had to be hand washed because it has gold plate, plus all the silver and crystal. Oh, they washed them. Did they scrape off the food? Not really. Did they change the water at all? Nope. My daughter came into the dining room and told me that when she was going to put the dishes away but they were so greasy and there was still food on the bottom of the plates. I told her, just put them away and when they all leave, we'll just wash them all again. And that's what we did.
Nineteen minutes ago you said you don't resent their visits.
I should take this advice. I guess I'm so concerned with making the visit nice for my husband and his son/family, I end up doing it all. Do I resent that? Yeah, I guess I do. And I did cut back one year on Thanksgiving. I decided that I was going to enjoy after dinner with everyone else and not get up and do the dishes. Well, no one else did either. My daughter asked me if we should start clearing and I said that I wasn't going to do the dishes, I was too tired. Now this was about 8 people (SS, DIL plus some other husbands relatives) Everyone on here should know that Thanksgiving is a lot of dishes. The china had to be hand washed because it has gold plate, plus all the silver and crystal. Oh, they washed them. Did they scrape off the food? Not really. Did they change the water at all? Nope. My daughter came into the dining room and told me that when she was going to put the dishes away but they were so greasy and there was still food on the bottom of the plates. I told her, just put them away and when they all leave, we'll just wash them all again. And that's what we did.
I suspected in the first post that you were an over achiever that does so much over the
top and no one could ever appreciate all that enough.
When they do try to help it is not usually up to your high standards.
Everybody would have been just as happy eating off paper plates and drinking from Solo cups.
All the fancy is fine but not if you can't enjoy the gathering because of the work & pressure.
Do I resent them visiting? No.
Nope, not the other woman.
Husband doesn't invite his family, they invite themselves.
Economic situation? Well I certainly don't see my stepson as competition for my husbands money. That's really funny!
His son doesn't come down very often because he works and it's a very long drive.
Yes, you resent them...it's obvious to everyone here, but you.
Why should your husband have to invite his children to his home? is that your rule or his? My door is always open to my children and they know no formal invite is needed....and they can use the washer & dryer anytime they want.
You will see the competition when daddy'o's will is read. lol
I agree on cutting back with the cooking and lunches. Heck if i were in this situation id probably plan a trip myself somewhere for the weekend to avoid all this. I wouldn't want them staying at my house. Whether she is married to his father or not they both need to compromise. Just because he is his son doenst mean the OP should have to put up with all of these visits that clearly make her uncomfortable in her own home.
I see a lot on these boards that other posters tell an OP they are being petty. SO easy for an outsider to say but you have no idea how it feels to that person if it bothers them.
Another point is that the visitor is not her kid. She needs to he open to the fact that she married someone who had kids and her husband needs to understand that she may not want this dude and his family staying at her house alll weekend. He is not a child yet he sounds like a PITA.
I agree on cutting back with the cooking and lunches. Heck if i were in this situation id probably plan a trip myself somewhere for the weekend to avoid all this. I wouldn't want them staying at my house. Whether she is married to his father or not they both need to compromise. Just because he is his son doenst mean the OP should have to put up with all of these visits that clearly make her uncomfortable in her own home.
I see a lot on these boards that other posters tell an OP they are being petty. SO easy for an outsider to say but you have no idea how it feels to that person if it bothers them.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Whatsnext75
Another point is that the visitor is not her kid. She needs to he open to the fact that she married someone who had kids and her husband needs to understand that she may not want this dude and his family staying at her house alll weekend. He is not a child yet he sounds like a PITA.
Agree on both counts.
Step-parents are always supposed to suck it up and cannot even acknowledge that something about the kid bothers them. They are expected to treat the child as if it is their own - which is nice when it happens, but should not be expected.
The OP is irritated at the stepson for whatever reason. I don't see why people are jumping on her for that.
Last edited by mochamajesty; 04-26-2017 at 07:03 AM..
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