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You're very right Bob. The thing is, I have weak spots and she hits at them, don't we all....Which makes me sort of intimidated.
I'm planning on writing a long letter and yes, laying it all out as is, and sending it to her house.
You know what was the difficult part in all of this? Was that for many, many years, she was also very supportive. She'd slip up a backhanded comment but next thing, be so super supportive and sweet that I'd feel bad for even thinking bad about her! She wasn't and isn't an up front b*tch about, she's sneaky, especially when she's do, "I'm so happy to have you in my life, you're my best friend." That stuff throws you off.
She's clever. That's how she kept you roped in. I hope you don't cave in when she attempts to contact you after you let her know you're done. Of course it's easy as pie to block her and ignore her completely, for some people--you seem like the sort who'll reluctantly answer that call. You'll be reluctant, but you'll do it (you say she intimidates you, and she knows this and secretly gloats over it, I'm certain).
Bottom line, she's not your friend, and needs to be put in her place, in my opinion.
" I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home."
She actually said that?
There is your answer. Block her, unless you want to keep getting updates on Ms. Wonderful. Who has time for this type of rude and self-centered behavior?
^^^ This. She's competitive and dismissive of you, not a real friend. Move on.
She's adding nothing to your life but irritation and hurt and does not deserve to keep you around just as a cheering section. It sounds as if her bursts of "niceness" were only a ploy to keep you engaged.
If you want to write a letter, do so. But then burn it. While sending it might give you a moment's satisfaction to have laid out her sins, she will find a way to rationalize her behavior and turn it back on you. Nothing you could say will turn her around.
" I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home."
If you wanna be standoffish and get a point across should of come back with, wow hey I'm so happy for you when the baby comes! Do not worry I hear the baby fat comes right off.
Your friend is very insecure. People that feel the need to tell everyone how much better their life is are intimidated and feel insecure around that person or possibly people in general. All you can do is simply say that's wonderful or you can be standoffish and argumentative.
I had aquaintances like that I wouldn't call them friends. They call and tell me how good they are doing. I just say cool man glad to hear it's all coming together for you. And I never call them. Because I don't much care what they do. The thing is I know what we achieved. I dont need to flaunt it. And
If you wanna be standoffish and get a point across should of come back with, wow hey I'm so happy for you when the baby comes! Do not worry I hear the baby fat comes right off.
Your friend is very insecure. People that feel the need to tell everyone how much better their life is are intimidated and feel insecure around that person or possibly people in general. All you can do is simply say that's wonderful or you can be standoffish and argumentative.
I had aquaintances like that I wouldn't call them friends. They call and tell me how good they are doing. I just say cool man glad to hear it's all coming together for you. And I never call them. Because I don't much care what they do. The thing is I know what we achieved. I dont need to flaunt it. And
I applaud you for this. I LOVE this. Dose of her own medicine. I'd personally be a bit harsher, though, and I'd definitely hit her with the weight comment. She knows OP's weaknesses? OP knows hers, as well. Use them.
I will never understand people who lower their head and allow themselves to be used as someone's dartboard.
Particularly if she used to have the struggles you mention and you were really her friend then, she might mistakenly believe that you as her friend would be happy for the various successes and progress she has had in her life and would want to hear about them.
The facts that 1. you feel free to talk about her previous struggles and complain about her behavior in a public forum, and 2. the apparent lack of interest she has in making the relationship about you as much as about her suggests that neither of you are true friends to one another. So you can either choose to try to change that together or let things sit as they are or let the relationship go.
My former best friend hasn't said to me happy birthday in 3 years. I didn't bother much but overtime I noticed how she contacts me mainly when she has to show off.
A few weeks back, she Skypes me to give me a tour of the new house. Barely bothered to ask me how I'm doing. It was her birthday too, I told her happy birthday, and she replied, " I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home." Mind you, I'm pursuing an advanced degree.
I've gradually reduced my contact time with her but not to make it awkward or blatant. We live in different states for years now.
It just annoys me how she contacts me just to show off.
And this coming from a girl that was 300 lbs, very unattractive, failing all the math classes...
I had the idea that people that struggle a lot would be more humble. This girl is anything but. She makes odd comments about people's appearances all the time. Never mind the comments about finances and so on.
I usually reply back with a, "Looks good!", "Congrats!" But that's about it.
It just annoys me how she is so self absorbed.
At times I go, maybe I'm imagining stuff. I get it, she's happy but at the same time, she doesn't bother to ask how I'm doing.
Particularly if she used to have the struggles you mention and you were really her friend then, she might mistakenly believe that you as her friend would be happy for the various successes and progress she has had in her life and would want to hear about them.
The facts that 1. you feel free to talk about her previous struggles and complain about her behavior in a public forum, and 2. the apparent lack of interest she has in making the relationship about you as much as about her suggests that neither of you are true friends to one another. So you can either choose to try to change that together or let things sit as they are or let the relationship go.
I was really happy when she lost the weight, was really happy when she found a boyfriend, was happy when she got married and got the house...But she'd inject a little backhanded comment here and there...and over time, that made me also bitter about her.
So yeah, it's taken many months but she's no longer my best friend, or a close friend, anyway. It's made me angry that it comes to this because we had many great close moments together.
You're right. We had good times but we never were true friends.
I applaud you for this. I LOVE this. Dose of her own medicine. I'd personally be a bit harsher, though, and I'd definitely hit her with the weight comment. She knows OP's weaknesses? OP knows hers, as well. Use them.
I will never understand people who lower their head and allow themselves to be used as someone's dartboard.
I hit her in the past a few times at her weaknesses...but over time I realized it was stooping low, so I decided against it....She still keeps at it to this day.
I'm mad at myself mostly for believing she's a humble person, she's better. And yeah, I'm venting on here.
....She asked me a while back to be her bridesmaid....I guess a part of her loves me and hates me all in one.
My former best friend hasn't said to me happy birthday in 3 years. I didn't bother much but overtime I noticed how she contacts me mainly when she has to show off.
A few weeks back, she Skypes me to give me a tour of the new house. Barely bothered to ask me how I'm doing. It was her birthday too, I told her happy birthday, and she replied, " I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home." Mind you, I'm pursuing an advanced degree.
I've gradually reduced my contact time with her but not to make it awkward or blatant. We live in different states for years now.
It just annoys me how she contacts me just to show off.
And this coming from a girl that was 300 lbs, very unattractive, failing all the math classes...
I had the idea that people that struggle a lot would be more humble. This girl is anything but. She makes odd comments about people's appearances all the time. Never mind the comments about finances and so on.
I usually reply back with a, "Looks good!", "Congrats!" But that's about it.
It just annoys me how she is so self absorbed.
At times I go, maybe I'm imagining stuff. I get it, she's happy but at the same time, she doesn't bother to ask how I'm doing.
Do I just cut her off for good?
Did she actually say that, or are you paraphrasing? If she actually said it...not much of a friend, do you think?
Not all people who struggle a lot will be humble. Some are, some have to put others down to make themselves feel better. If that's what she is doing, that is not a friend, you're just her punching bag. You don't need that.
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