Friend Contacts Me Only To Show Off (narcissists, friendship, jealous)
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friendship is an equal exchange of what makes a friendship worthwhile.
it's like that saying: "with friends like this, who needs enemies?"
if you have done yr part in appreciating whatever she has accomplished, at least you have done the right thing, friendship-wise.
on the other hand, you don't 'need' this kind of treatment. be a friend to yrself as well, and let her find other sources of validation. you have *already* done enough. it's up to her to find validation in herself too. she won't find it in a "bottomless pit" of insecurity and comparisons. you are each individual people with yr own paces and standards for success.
My former best friend hasn't said to me happy birthday in 3 years. I didn't bother much but overtime I noticed how she contacts me mainly when she has to show off.
A few weeks back, she Skypes me to give me a tour of the new house. Barely bothered to ask me how I'm doing. It was her birthday too, I told her happy birthday, and she replied, " I am so proud of myself, I have a full time job, a husband, and now a house.....oh wait, you're still living at home." Mind you, I'm pursuing an advanced degree.
I've gradually reduced my contact time with her but not to make it awkward or blatant. We live in different states for years now.
It just annoys me how she contacts me just to show off.
And this coming from a girl that was 300 lbs, very unattractive, failing all the math classes...
I had the idea that people that struggle a lot would be more humble. This girl is anything but. She makes odd comments about people's appearances all the time. Never mind the comments about finances and so on.
I usually reply back with a, "Looks good!", "Congrats!" But that's about it.
It just annoys me how she is so self absorbed.
At times I go, maybe I'm imagining stuff. I get it, she's happy but at the same time, she doesn't bother to ask how I'm doing.
Do I just cut her off for good?
Block her and get on with your life. You go girl! Get that degree!
Nice, it's refreshing to see the OP of a thread return to update us after a long time. I never noticed this thread 2 yrs ago when you started it, but good, be done w/ her.
I was "friends" w/ someone for about 10 yrs too. The beginning of the end was when she invited herself along to come to my dad's funeral. I think it was out of pure nosiness & she wasn't busy that day MORE THAN her wanting to be there for me. She came & the drive for her wasn't close. I thanked her for coming, she stayed for the dinner we had at a restaurant & that's the last I actually saw her. I've emailed her even asking what happened or what went wrong & got no concrete answer. She said a quick greeting on certain holidays, the last one being just this past Christmas, but it's probably a group text, so it's not like she wrote me a personalized message. I reply back, but she doesn't say thanks back.
These people like her generally have more going on. To me it’s clear she’s jealous of you for something - probably looks or intelligence or both - and her showing off is her way of crying out, “I have value! I’m a winner!” She clearly needs or wants your approval.
Don’t get me wrong, I am sure I’ve been annoyingly excited this year because we bought a dream home in Las Vegas and it has literally been my dream for 10 years to move there, but the difference - I hope - is that I always ask my friends how they’re doing, we chat about a lot of stuff, and my friends are all big winners. If anything they should be bragging to me, but they know I respect them a lot. A radiologist making a fortune, a police officer who loves his job, a biotech CFO, so I do worry less that they’ll take offense to my excitement because they’re very happy and successful people.
Your friend is, as an old friend used to say, “fighting for something she doesn’t have.” She may have a lot going on but there’s something missing there. She knows what it is, we probably won’t figure it out. Self-esteem is what it comes down to.
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