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How about suggesting to your brother that he get a checking account in his own name, so she doesn't have access to it. If she can't get to his funds, she can't bleed him dry.
Good idea.
The OP has a very simplistic idea of divorce. She seems to think you just split up and all the money problems go away.
Depending on the state any debt the wife ran up the husband could be liable for as well. If she owes student loans(which you can't declare bankruptcy on), and if they own a home, well those debts have to get paid off.
The wonderful Tina Turner is a good example, she worked to pay off debts and unpaid taxes due to her ex-husband Ike.
You just don't get divorced and all the debt goes away.
You need to tell your brother that he needs to start divorce proceedings. His wife feels that there is nothing wrong with her marriage so that's that.Your brother needs to get the hell out of that mess.
My youngest brothers wife is a piece of work . She went to school on loans not thinking or knowing she would have to pay them back , she swears she does not have to pay them back . I'm not aware of any kind of school loan you don't have to pay back . She has a health counselor degree now suposidly , none of us have seen it . Now she has put my brother in some financial difficulties and he works his butt off . Now she is selling some kind of vitamin crap and telling me its only 40 dollars a bottle . She is putting this all over her fb page and also trying to sell to family and friends . She has tried to put the bite on all the relatives and not one of us has bought any of it because frankly we cant afford it and really neither can she . I know how this is going to end up she will not hardly sell any and then my brother will have to end up paying for the supply she has gotten . My brother has said he does not know what do with her ? she does this kind of stuff all the time . For goodness sake she is in her 40s you would think by now she would have learned not to do this stuff but no she carries on . My brother has said he mention marriage counseling and she told him no there is nothing wrong in our marriage , I guess she does not see him stressed all the time over bills and getting notices in the mail for things she owes . Maybe I am wrong but he asked me what I would do ? I told him there is no other choice he has to file for divorce and let her go her own way . If she ends up destitute that is on her . I'm sorry this is so long . I don't know what else I can say since she has refused marriage counseling .I love my brother and seeing him going through this makes me crazy but this is all the advice I will give him if he does nothing then I don't want to hear anymore about this situation .
I think the only two alternatives are a) divorce or b) a lifetime of poverty and misery.
The OP has a very simplistic idea of divorce. She seems to think you just split up and all the money problems go away.
Depending on the state any debt the wife ran up the husband could be liable for as well. If she owes student loans(which you can't declare bankruptcy on), and if they own a home, well those debts have to get paid off.
The wonderful Tina Turner is a good example, she worked to pay off debts and unpaid taxes due to her ex-husband Ike.
You just don't get divorced and all the debt goes away.
Please ....I don't have a simplistic idea of divorce and please don't assume that you know my mind . I know that unfortunately my brother will most likely have to loose his house and will end up paying off her debt .
The OP has a very simplistic idea of divorce. She seems to think you just split up and all the money problems go away.
Depending on the state any debt the wife ran up the husband could be liable for as well. If she owes student loans(which you can't declare bankruptcy on), and if they own a home, well those debts have to get paid off.
The wonderful Tina Turner is a good example, she worked to pay off debts and unpaid taxes due to her ex-husband Ike.
You just don't get divorced and all the debt goes away.
No. But it also means that the debt doesn't accumulate any further. Big difference.
If the sister-in-law cannot, will not, be responsible with money, her terrible spending habits are just going to create a terrible situation, one that he will not be able to leave easily.
And unless the husband co-signed the student loans, he won't be on the hook for them. If he did, then it might be the right thing to do to liquidate the assets in the form of the house, pay off the debt and walk away. You can always get another house.
Please ....I don't have a simplistic idea of divorce and please don't assume that you know my mind . I know that unfortunately my brother will most likely have to loose his house and will end up paying off her debt .
Well he picked her. Those who can't control their finances and don't save up for what they want, charge it and worry about how to pay for it later, well it doesn't just happen overnight.
They dated before getting married, had to be signs she was not financially responsible.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MinivanDriver
No. But it also means that the debt doesn't accumulate any further. Big difference.
If the sister-in-law cannot, will not, be responsible with money, her terrible spending habits are just going to create a terrible situation, one that he will not be able to leave easily.
And unless the husband co-signed the student loans, he won't be on the hook for them. If he did, then it might be the right thing to do to liquidate the assets in the form of the house, pay off the debt and walk away. You can always get another house.
That is true about at least stopping the debt from getting worse.
He may not be directly on the hook for her student loans. But they can go after a bank account, maybe put a lien on the house if it is both names.
Also kind of hard to get another house when you don't pay your debts.
That is true about at least stopping the debt from getting worse.
He may not be directly on the hook for her student loans. But they can go after a bank account, maybe put a lien on the house if it is both names.
Also kind of hard to get another house when you don't pay your debts.
All absolutely true. Hey, I'm not saying it's the perfect solution. But getting deeper and deeper in debt because of your partner's irresponsibility is an even worse way to go.
And that's the thing. Marriage is a partnership, romantically, intellectually, socially, and financially. And the cornerstone of any partnership is trust. If you don't have trust, you don't have a partnership. Which means you really don't have a marriage.
No wonder so many Millennials are wisely choosing not to get legally married. If you hook up with someone, it's bad enough that you'll catch all their diseases, so you don't need to acquire their debts, as well.
what the OP can offer the brother is to go to counseling himself, encourage her, in the most loving way that they both need it. Also encourage your brother to figure it out with his wife. tell your brother that you cant offer advice because you dont have experience in this. Did you have a wife that is trying to find her way? if not, you can't really offer an opinion. Siblings should never suggest divorce, only in the most extreme circumstances , and still thread lightly. you dont want a divorce on your hands.
Ask your brother why he married her. Ask him if he still loves her. Marriage is a business partnership, where 2 couples build and have each others back. It is a big deal! I hope you respect your brothers wife, and don't say anything negatively about her. I hope you can share with your brother the same.
when you are the man in the relationship, you are supposed to guide each other, support each other, learn with and from one another. People fall for Amway, Shoklee, Mary Kay all the time. It looks like a good business model, and there are trained expert manipulator recruiting the next sucker every day. Maybe your brother should warn her of the manipulation, how people look at it (unsolicited sales), the expense, and the no return policy. there are many youtube videos revealing the truth, maybe he can share some with her.
what you guys can learn , is to honor your wives, not reveal to much to anyone outside their union, not permit anyone to talk poorly or humiliate your wives, nor let anyone get involved in the decision making. She aint your sister, wife, cousin, but your brothers wife. their business is their business, its not nice to discuss people business , and being chatty with other family members is not nice either. It is an even worse characteristic for a man to be a chatty hen.
If you love your brother, you will encourage him to support his wife, and try to figure it out with his wife, on their own. I would feel very bad about myself, if I were to suggest to someone to just get divorced, and walk away. that is an exclusive decision .
you never know, SIL could have that personality to network, and the nack to sell. She may be better off trying her luck at a flea market?
Only under some very extreme circumstances can I imagine advising another person, brother or not, to divorce. Financial issues would not be one of those circumstances. I might think that, but my advice would be that the decision had to be his. I assume your brother is old enough to make his own decisions.
All you should say is that you will support him and be there no matter what his decision is.
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