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I have BRF, but honestly, it's not painful now. Now I just don't care what other people think because this issue does get really old. I find that people who do not get past the initial (unspoken) impression aren't really worth the time (like the random Street guy, what a jerk).
What helps is to be very engaging and interactive. I realized what makes BRF difficult for others is that they can't get a read on the BRF person and people get threatened by that. Which is why smiling helps soften the impression... but I do not want to smile all the time. It does look a little nuts, especially when its random.
There's a way to set your face to look more pleasant and welcoming without smiling. It's in the way you "smile with your eyes" and relax your forehead.
It is called a mean face where you look angry,but that is not your intention.
I need pointers on how to deal with it.
It is starting to get a little out of hand,but it seems people who do not have this problem do not understand.
On one hand,i cannot smile just for smiling's sake,yet otherwise people will get the wrong impression of me.
I am content but my face is saying something different,and i suspect it has costs me jobs in the past.
Trust,it is painful to live like this.
This stranger (guy) called me the B word as i was walking past him.
Like others have suggested, you could try smiling more and lifting eyebrows. I usually prescribe outward behavior changes in order to change inward behaviors. In addition to this, demonstrate common human kindness. Go out of your way to brighten the day of others, even if--especially if--you don't feel like it. If you show people you care, they care less about your face. It is the same with everyone, in different ways. We have stereotypes and then once we get to know them, the stereotype falls away.
Actually, I think it would be handy. My face looks too friendly, even when I want to avoid people. It used to be a problem when I worked in offices and now that I live in subsidized senior housing, it can be a problem because there are lots of needy seniors that hang out looking for people to talk to, help them (which is what it usually ends up being about), etc. And I don't want to get involved - learned that the hard way in the last two of these types of apartment buildings I've lived in. I don't want to have people stalking me where I live, bringing me their problems or asking me for things, wanting me to help them with rides or carry things as their unpaid caregiver, etc.
What I have to do is pretend I don't hear people as I walk past them, and never get eye contact.
When you look friendly and approachable, people will bug you. They'll come to your desk at work to gossip and they're hard to get rid of, they'll feel comfortable asking to borrow your umbrella and bring it back sopping wet or not bring it back at all, they'll feel okay asking for change for the coke machine they swear they'll pay you back for, to answer their phone while they go on a cigarette break......anyway, you get the picture.
I say embrace your BRF! It will keep the people at bay you want to keep at bay, then I'm sure you're friendly and smiley when you want to be. Reserve the smiles for people you want to be around. And be glad you have that natural filter in looking unapproachable otherwise.
Trust,it is painful to live like this.
This stranger (guy) called me the B word as i was walking past him.
All these suggestions of "opening your eyes wider", "wearing a slight smile" -- uh, NO. That is exhausting when you have a face that settles naturally into somewhat severe lines.
Moderator cut: delete
Moderator cut: delete
Last edited by Miss Blue; 06-03-2017 at 03:12 PM..
Reason: language filtered words and off topic gender comment
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