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To be fair to myself, I lent it without really knowing I was. She's visiting from out the country and doesn't have debit/visa cards. She asked me to book a concert ticket for her + her kids and said she would reimburse me the money with cash as soon as possible. It's been 2 weeks now and I havent heard anything. At the time, I did it gladly bc I'm fond of her and the kids, and I dont get to see her often.
I'm tight on cash, but would have been ok to loan her the money. Now I feel like I was kind of scammed out the money and I feel weird asking her for it. I'm not really sure what her financial situation is. She wears nice/expensive clothes but is also frugal about certain things. I don't want to offend her by asking for the money back. I feel awkward. Did she forget?
That could have been $10K.
Its best not to mention it, its cheap insurance when they ask again, then mention you don't lend money to people who already owe.
To be fair to myself, I lent it without really knowing I was. She's visiting from out the country and doesn't have debit/visa cards. She asked me to book a concert ticket for her + her kids and said she would reimburse me the money with cash as soon as possible. It's been 2 weeks now and I havent heard anything. At the time, I did it gladly bc I'm fond of her and the kids, and I dont get to see her often.
I'm tight on cash, but would have been ok to loan her the money. Now I feel like I was kind of scammed out the money and I feel weird asking her for it. I'm not really sure what her financial situation is. She wears nice/expensive clothes but is also frugal about certain things. I don't want to offend her by asking for the money back. I feel awkward. Did she forget?
You should simply call her and tell her that you need that 200 back because it was your bill money.
To be fair to myself, I lent it without really knowing I was. She's visiting from out the country and doesn't have debit/visa cards. She asked me to book a concert ticket for her + her kids and said she would reimburse me the money with cash as soon as possible. It's been 2 weeks now and I havent heard anything. At the time, I did it gladly bc I'm fond of her and the kids, and I dont get to see her often.
I'm tight on cash, but would have been ok to loan her the money. Now I feel like I was kind of scammed out the money and I feel weird asking her for it. I'm not really sure what her financial situation is. She wears nice/expensive clothes but is also frugal about certain things. I don't want to offend her by asking for the money back. I feel awkward. Did she forget?
I'm representing a couple that lent $120,000 to a relative of one of theirs and they are likely whistling Dixie for any of the $92,000 that was not repaid.
Last edited by toosie; 07-28-2017 at 08:14 AM..
Reason: Added comma per request
To be fair to myself, I lent it without really knowing I was. She's visiting from out the country and doesn't have debit/visa cards. She asked me to book a concert ticket for her + her kids and said she would reimburse me the money with cash as soon as possible. It's been 2 weeks now and I havent heard anything. At the time, I did it gladly bc I'm fond of her and the kids, and I dont get to see her often.
I'm tight on cash, but would have been ok to loan her the money. Now I feel like I was kind of scammed out the money and I feel weird asking her for it. I'm not really sure what her financial situation is. She wears nice/expensive clothes but is also frugal about certain things. I don't want to offend her by asking for the money back. I feel awkward. Did she forget?
Honestly, it's possible. $200 is not nothing, but I've forgotten more before. If she's the type that forgets to bring money with her on a trip, she's likely just flaked it, not necessarily trying to put you out of pocket. It's the end of July. Just say, hey, I'm doing my end of the month bills and wanted to follow up on the $200 I loaned you so I don't forget about it.
She's going say...oh, thank you I totally spaced it. Yes, let me get you that right away. Maybe you'll even get another visit from her out of it.
To be fair to myself, I lent it without really knowing I was. She's visiting from out the country and doesn't have debit/visa cards. She asked me to book a concert ticket for her + her kids and said she would reimburse me the money with cash as soon as possible. It's been 2 weeks now and I havent heard anything. At the time, I did it gladly bc I'm fond of her and the kids, and I dont get to see her often.
I'm tight on cash, but would have been ok to loan her the money. Now I feel like I was kind of scammed out the money and I feel weird asking her for it. I'm not really sure what her financial situation is. She wears nice/expensive clothes but is also frugal about certain things. I don't want to offend her by asking for the money back. I feel awkward. Did she forget?
Sorry - I do not buy into the "write it off " camp. My parents loaned me money and I never considered not paying it back, and in fact, always gave them better interest than they could get from a bank and it gave me a better rate than I would have gotten as well. Win for all.
Fast forward, I have helped my adult kids in cash-flow moments. It has not turned out well and right now, I have mulled for a long time about what to do because it is a serious character flaw that can't persist.
Little chance that the person forgot. You don't forget to pay someone back 200 dollars. For tickets to a concert? - geez - you have got to be kidding. That is a deliberate act because your relative has heard of or practiced the art of not repaying debts. They are in the wrong for doing that - you are not in the wrong for doing a convenience thing for that person. But you are wrong if you allow yourself to be used in this manner.
So, no, absolutely no -do not write this off. No matter what people tell you to do on this, ask for the money. DO NOT be timid about it. Not saying to be antagonistic, but just call and say very directly that you need the money back . Don't explain you are tight for cash. Don't whine. You have to be direct; not rude, but firm. Keep your boundaries on this. You do not owe them an explanation and if you start justifying why you need YOUR money, you already give them an advantage. They know you don't want to make a big deal out of this. Do not accept payments - it will drag on forever. And not complete, most likely. No doubt your relative could, if they actually had the money to go to this concern, access the money easily or they can do a cash advance on a card. I used to worry about someone paying interest to a card shark and so acted as the temporary advance. Don't do it. They can pay the darn interest if that is the case, and stop living irresponsibly.
Don't hesitate and don't ask like you are the bad guy. You were the good guy in this/keep that in mind. You acted in good faith - do not feed their complacency on operating in a like manner. You are feeding a terrible trait in that person.
I am not kidding on this. I spoke to someone outside the issue about the stress my situation had caused me/and my avoidance because I didn't want a problem with my own children. That the relationship blowing up was what I was afraid of but the wise advisor said "You're afraid of losing the relationship but if this was done and then the person blows things up , there wasn't much there to begin with. It's hurting you not dealing with it, financially and emotionally." And that is so right. Anyone related to you that would reneg on obligations is not someone that values you or their relationship with you. Sorry/that is true. Probably what bothers me the most on my situation is that my kids know how responsible I am on finances and that I trust them to be equally so. To have adult children not only jeopardize your financial well-being but know that they will put you through extreme angst shows me some awful things about my own flesh and blood.
I am actually cheerleading myself here to just do it. I don't want to get a bad answer but it's killing me so take some wisdom from one who has been there. It's time to force people to step up to the plate. You not only strengthen yourself but you help them change bad character patterns. Accept it may not work out and you may have to deal with that, but honestly, the presence of actions like this indicates things are not well and you are not respected by people you care for.
I swear, you could use this thread in a human psych class.
It mirrors psychological tests given on people. You basically give them the barest bones of a story, and ask them to draw conclusions about the characters in the story. With children, you often give them a little doll house and ask them to tell you about the people who live there.
We know virtually nothing about this Aunt. She has money, she's enjoyable to be around, she hasn't stiffed a debt in the past, she's very recently taken an international travel trip, and she hasn't repaid a loan for tickets to an event that were purchased two weeks ago. Then we're asked to give advice.
And then the advice comes in. Some people say well maybe she forgot, maybe remind her? And others say with great authority - as if they have special inside information - she's stiffed you, she didn't forget.
Perspectives. It's just interesting, when asked to judge someone's intent with little information to go on, the different responses you get. And the amount of certainty the people have of their opinion.
Isn't this the basis of the whole City-Data experience? Lots of sketchy stories with important details left out.
I wish there was a requirement for every poster to have at least 50 posts before they could start a new thread.
From my experience, lending money might as well be giving the money away. If you get the money back, consider it a gift. Somehow, the person who lent the money and asks for it back ends up being the bad guy. I have no idea why but that seems to be the case from my experiences.
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