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I'm 33 years old and have been divorced for almost 5 years. I was married for 5. That was my only real relationship. I dated a lot, before and after marriage, literally hundereds of first dates, but very few longer term relationships and just one committed one.
As long as I can remember my mom loathedthe idea of me being with guys. She said I should not even consider boyfriends ends until I finish college. For her relationships are distraction and unnecessary. She shrugged at the whole idea of sex and intimacy and clearly sent a message women are not supposed to be sexual beings. I could not be more different personally, I want closeness and don't think of sex as an obligation.
Recently my mom moved in with me. She is a new immigrants in the US and she will be living with me for now. Eventually she might be on her own, or with her cousin.
I complain to her about being single, about guys being all the same. She didn't say anything but gave me disapproving look. She looked taken aback and suprised when I said I don't want to be single. As if I should stay single, how can I possibly want some guy to cook, clean, "put up with him". Her idea of real relationships is very old fashioned and unhealthy.
This whole thing was difficult for me to accept. On the top of not being able to find a partner ( something I always hoped I would) I get this instead of some sympathy.
Anybody dealt with this? I wish this doesn't bug me but I does.
At your age your mother really has no business telling you what to do with this aspect of your life. She is not you. You are not her. She is entitled to her opinion, but its just that....her opinion. Her past shaped her. Too bad it sounds like a sad life.
FWIW, I have been single the vast majority of my life. I have had many male friends, some for many many years. Some more serious than others, but in the end it's all good and I'm pretty comfortable about it. No hard feelings with anyone or regrets to speak of. This being said, I would never allow someone else to dictate my personal relationships. They see their world through their own lenses, not mine.
You want someone to give sympathy for a situation that doesn't seem sympathetic. Enjoy your Mother for the comfort she can offer and search for your sympathy from those that DO understand your hopes.
I just wanted some simpaty because dating feels like full time job. Maybe I'm trying to hard. Or maybe I'm to picky.
I'm glad my mom is finally here close to me and not accros the ocean, but it's not easy to live with someone who disapproves dating. Only thing stopping her from saying to me not to date is my age. She is aware I'm way past being told what to do.
I just have a hard time understanding her. Like one of our distant cousins got all his kids married and has 10 grandchildren. I said that is so great and lucky but all she could say is that his wife did well after all and use to be known clothes thief ( used clothes on the line).
I alsked my friends for advice, but they keep telling me to live it up, they say they envy my causal dating life and hate the fact they are stuck in marrig that has lost its spark many years ago.
You have known your mom's feelings on this issue for a long time. Did you really expect it to change when she moved in? Reality, not wishful thinking, is always best when making life decisions.
I think your mom needs a place of her own. I think she will cramp your style if she lives with you long.
I also think that you have a right to your opinions. If you wish to date and marry, then you need to do so. You don't need her approval. If you want to talk about this, do so with a good friend.
There's nothing wrong with you for wanting your mothers approval. In fact, I can think of nothing more natural.
You hinted at it in your last paragraph, but what you need to understand is that your mother can be wrong. It's possible for her to not know what's best for you. If being in a relationship is what you want and what will be best for you, that's completely normal, fine and healthy.
When you discuss life with your mother, make it clear what your stance is and that your stance is final. You're old enough to make these sort of life decisions with or without your mothers approval.
You said that your mother is a new immigrant. From what area or country?
Eastern Europe?
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