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Is the one who is flirting married? In any case, it would be best not to go on a regular basis. Why make yourself fuel for their fantasies?
I agree with this. You're not doing anything wrong necessarily, but what are their motives for hanging out with a single, attractive young woman half their age? I think a lot of it is ego and attention. They may not have any intentions of hooking up with you, but they are getting something from it that they really don't need to be when they have wives/families at home.
As a man who understands male psychology, I'm going to be blunt here.
They want to have sex with you, not be friends with you.
If that one guy hadn't flirted with you, then it still might be somewhat ambiguous. But now it's pretty clear...
Find other friends OP.
In addition to the above, think about your future karma.
You're married, maybe with a kid or two, you're home wiping noses and cleaning the house,
meanwhile Mr. OP is out drinking it up with some random pretty young thing. You would not like it at all.
Guaranteed.
I agree with this. You're not doing anything wrong necessarily, but what are their motives for hanging out with a single, attractive young woman half their age? I think a lot of it is ego and attention. They may not have any intentions of hooking up with you, but they are getting something from it that they really don't need to be when they have wives/families at home.
I guess I don't really see the harm. I imagine if some of my married women friends had a chance to hang out in a group with a young hot guy we would think it was fun and cool. Our husbands would just roll their eyes...gets us out of their hair for a while anyway and might improve our mood
No big deal. If you enjoy the camaraderie keep going. If you don't enjoy it stop going. That is what people do after martial arts classes especially on Friday nights.
If you listen to strangers who know nothing about martial arts on an internet forum maybe next they might tell you to find a female only martial arts class or quit martial arts because you might get injured.
I thought quality martial arts instruction looked after body mind spirit.
So going out afterwards and getting drunk somehow reinforces that?
I would never trust an instructor, martial arts, firearms, driver, etc. who was a lush. It indicates very bad judgement.
I guess I don't really see the harm. I imagine if some of my married women friends had a chance to hang out in a group with a young hot guy we would think it was fun and cool. Our husbands would just roll their eyes...gets us out of their hair for a while anyway and might improve our mood
How you imagine it may not be the way it really is, tamajane. While you and your friends are out of the husband's hair, where do you imagine the husband's are? They're having drinks with the 21-year-old martial arts classmate. The old shoe-on-the-other-foot thing, doncha know.
Hey! So the title is pretty self explanatory. I'm a 21 year old woman, who's enrolled in a martial arts class with a dominantly male population, to no real surprise. If it helps the answering of the question, I'm fairly attractive and well liked in the class (not trying to be conceited at all here, but as I stated, it may make a difference in the situation). Three of the more veteran-ranked members there, two of which are married and in their late 30's--early 40's, invited me specifically to go out with them for drinks at a nearby bar/restaurant, which has become a regular tradition at this point in time. They invite some of their friends, also male and of the same age range, who I get along with swimmingly. One of the veteran-ranked members who invited me flirts constantly, but it bothers me none and I ignore it.
I have slept with none of them and I am NOT a gold digger. I pay for my own drinks and my own meals (unless one of them ninja-pays for it while I'm distracted or the likes), and keep my intimate distance out of respect for their personal lives. Guess I just wanna know if that's odd and why they would invite me instead of some of the guys in the class who seem to match their age and personality more. Maybe I'm overthinking it and caring too much about what others think. Who knows.
Thanks in advance!
You're all in the same martial arts gym, so it's no different than a hockey team or football team going out for drinks after a game or practice.
However, it sounds like some of the older guys invited you but not your other (male) classmates. If you get along with some of the other male classmates, invite them out as well so you have a big group of people. If there are any other females in the class, encourage them to go out. Sometimes guys just want to be around a girl they think is hot. They won't push for sex, but they want to be around in case you have a weak moment....biding their time so to speak. Bring as many people to the bar so that doesn't happen.
I guess I don't really see the harm. I imagine if some of my married women friends had a chance to hang out in a group with a young hot guy we would think it was fun and cool. Our husbands would just roll their eyes...gets us out of their hair for a while anyway and might improve our mood
They'll not mind it until it gets to the point where one of your friends winds up having an affair with one of those "hot young guys." Then it just gets ugly.
That's basically what happened to my brother's marriage - except the guy my ex-SIL left him for is definitely NOT "hot," he looks like a heart attack waiting to happen. She met him at the firehouse where she was working as an EMT, and one thing led to another...
I thought quality martial arts instruction looked after body mind spirit.
So going out afterwards and getting drunk somehow reinforces that?
I would never trust an instructor, martial arts, firearms, driver, etc. who was a lush. It indicates very bad judgement.
I normally don't do re-posts, but i do have experience in this line, so...
Quote:
People in the Martial Arts are no more righteous than anyone else, in spite of the psychological training they are supposed to be getting along with the physical (I'm going to assume this is a traditional school the OP is going to, not an American belt factory). I know a 76 year old Black Belt who's been in MA since 1959 (Okinawa-trained, his sensei was a student of the man who founded the Shotokan style), yet he's cheated on his last two girlfriends. He was even cheating on his previous gf with the woman he is now with (and she didn't know it yet she stayed with him even after she found out and his gf at that time dumped him when she found out - "...and the seasons, they go round and round...").
I'll add to that the fact that I did confront him about his behavior at one point, saying he didn't even live by the very spiritual principles he claimed formed who he was internally. I told him a man who TRULY "strives for perfection" doesn't cheat or lie to people while claiming to care about their welfare.
I was the one in the end who anonymously informed his gf (her daughter, actually) about what was going on. Her daughter told her, AND also confronted the OW, and they both confronted him. ~~~ A week later, he was "in a relationship" with the former OW, and he still is, and he's cheated on her too. I don't feel sorry for her, though, because she knew he was a scorpion when she picked him up the second time, after finding out he lied to her for 4 years about them being a bona fide couple. If she gets stung, it's her own fault, and she's going to have to find that out on her own.
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