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Old 08-16-2017, 01:21 PM
 
2 posts, read 2,363 times
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Hey! So the title is pretty self explanatory. I'm a 21 year old woman, who's enrolled in a martial arts class with a dominantly male population, to no real surprise. If it helps the answering of the question, I'm fairly attractive and well liked in the class (not trying to be conceited at all here, but as I stated, it may make a difference in the situation). Three of the more veteran-ranked members there, two of which are married and in their late 30's--early 40's, invited me specifically to go out with them for drinks at a nearby bar/restaurant, which has become a regular tradition at this point in time. They invite some of their friends, also male and of the same age range, who I get along with swimmingly. One of the veteran-ranked members who invited me flirts constantly, but it bothers me none and I ignore it.

I have slept with none of them and I am NOT a gold digger. I pay for my own drinks and my own meals (unless one of them ninja-pays for it while I'm distracted or the likes), and keep my intimate distance out of respect for their personal lives. Guess I just wanna know if that's odd and why they would invite me instead of some of the guys in the class who seem to match their age and personality more. Maybe I'm overthinking it and caring too much about what others think. Who knows.

Thanks in advance!
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Old 08-16-2017, 01:36 PM
 
5,546 posts, read 7,517,518 times
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If they invite you as part of a going out to drink or eat tradition, then they should at least invite the rest of the class. Just is good manners.


If you are invited out and others are not it is for a reason maybe not a bad reason but you should be aware and acknowledge whatever. Do not be unaware


Having been a formerly attractive young woman in an almost totally male environment, I would say with my grandma shoes on they may not be as innocent as you.

My advice is to join them occasionally if you want to but do not become part of the hang out group. Seek friendships amongst those more your age.

I think that is what you were asking. Be friendly, be kind, but move in your own circles
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:07 PM
 
Location: Pennsylvania
1,658 posts, read 1,459,856 times
Reputation: 6140
I always go back to what Billy Crystal said in When Harry met Sally, "Because no man can be friends with a woman that he finds attractive. He always wants to have sex with her." I know some will vehemently argue the point but it is true. It's ok if you want to go out with "the guys, just know what they're thinking.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:29 PM
 
196 posts, read 107,602 times
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I don't think the age difference is the problem, it's that most of them are married.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:29 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
26,228 posts, read 28,756,171 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by theoldnorthstate View Post
If they invite you as part of a going out to drink or eat tradition, then they should at least invite the rest of the class. Just is good manners.
Yeah, it's not super odd that a people in the same class/hobby will hang out together after an event, but it is odd that they're just inviting you, no one else from the class, but inviting more guys who aren't in the class. I wouldn't say that there's anything inherently wrong with it, just keep your wits about you and maybe you invite some other classmates (younger/female) so the numbers aren't so stacked.

Last edited by fleetiebelle; 08-16-2017 at 02:51 PM..
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:31 PM
 
Location: Brentwood, Tennessee
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It's dangerous.

You either need to decline or start inviting other women to attend.

I would decline.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:33 PM
 
Location: Fairfax County, VA
1,387 posts, read 874,653 times
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Do what you like. If you typically live your life according the dialogue in chintzy Hollywood movies, well, see above.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:37 PM
 
4,965 posts, read 2,957,616 times
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Absolutely not. You all seem to be getting something out of it and I imagine that the guys are benefiting from your perspective on things.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:44 PM
 
Location: Midwest
5,725 posts, read 8,432,041 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Wmsn4Life View Post
It's dangerous.

You either need to decline or start inviting other women to attend.

I would decline.
Agree. Not a great idea. Alcohol does not improve your intelligence or judgement, or others' either.

I presume there's a fair amount of physical contact already, in class.

This is a bad habit. I'd break it.
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Old 08-16-2017, 02:50 PM
 
16,719 posts, read 17,286,473 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Shadocat View Post
Three of the more veteran-ranked members there, two of which are married and in their late 30's--early 40's, invited me specifically to go out with them for drinks at a nearby bar/restaurant, which has become a regular tradition at this point in time. They invite some of their friends, also male and of the same age range, who I get along with swimmingly. One of the veteran-ranked members who invited me flirts constantly, but it bothers me none and I ignore it.
You know why; don't be coy.

Why don't you ask their wives what they think?

I was once young and pretty, and went out with older males and thought nothing of it. As I grew older, I realized it looked bad and made me seem a little...loose, if you will. Even when I did nothing, just the fact that I was at the bar with older men made me look cheap. Add married men to the mix and you're a homewrecker in some people's eyes.

*shrugs* it's your reputation...
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