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So I have two gay friends, both that I dated in the very beginning. With both I had a romantic but brief beginning, and we evolved to becoming friends. However, BOTH have showed romantic interests at some point as friends, with one of them even making sexual advances on me.
I'm at a time in my life where I am single and very happy. I have a great job, great friends and great family. I travel be it with friends or alone and occupy myself with my hobbies. I am extremely happy with where I am and what I am doing. I am also happy being single. Yes, everyone wants to have a companion, but I am in the belief that should be with someone that compliments your life. I don't pursue relationships for the sake of being in one but I am not scared to be in one either. When I meet the right guy, I will pursue that. But I NEVER talk about dating, being single, or having kids, and I mean NEVER, because those things are simply not on my radar. I don't discuss it with friends, family or coworkers. So its interesting that these two friends seemed so interested about my singledom.
Friend 1 - This is the one that has made sexual advances on me several times. We were at dinner two weeks ago and he tells me that him and his best friend were talking about me. That how they can see me due to being emotionally stable, that he is positive that in 2 years I will be in a LTR and working my way to having kids. I told him I don't even think about that stuff, that I am not thinking about where I am going to be in 2 years. But he disagreed and said that no that I will be in a relationship in 2 years he knows for sure and that I should look forward to that. That as he discussed it with his best friend that they thought I would be alright and happily married in the near future. That I should accept that I was meant to be in a relationship, that I am domesticated. I was kind of like "Why do you guys even care?"
Friend 2 - We were at brunch a week ago and he goes to me out of the blue "I get scared that both us being single for so long will keep us single for the rest of our life, perhaps we should open up when it comes to dating.". I was perplexed. I told him I am good as is, that I am happy. But he kept pushing me saying that I should really work towards being in a relationship and he also needs to as well. He was saying that I was probably not being honest about my feelings and wanting to date guys that I should really open to that. Then he proceeded to ask me if there was ever any guys in the past that I regret not trying a relationship with. I basically said "no". He seemed to get frustrated, but kept pushing how he thinks we both should really start opening up our doors when it comes to dating. He went on to say that he's been single for four years and that I have been even longer, that it's time we should get back having relationships.
What gives? Why do they care? And why is it even something on their minds? When I think of my friends I could care less if they are dating, single or what not. Only time I care is if they meet someone amazing they want me to meet, or if they are with someone who is abusive or negative. But me being single and not wanting to date, why is this even a topic of discussion for them or their friends? I could understand if I was complaining about being single or something, but the thing is I NEVER talk about this stuff, because quite simply, I have no desire to.
For the record too, none of my other friends (be it straight or gay) ask me these types of questions. Yes, they will ask me if I am dating anyone or talking to anyone. But they NEVER try to convince me that I shouldn't be single or that I should start dating other people. My other friends also don't question me on why I am single. These two friends seem to think that I need to be in a relationship.
The interesting about Friend 1 and Friend 2 is they have a distaste for each other. Friend 1 has gotten jealous of Friend 2 on multiple occasions, and when Friend 2 finds you I hung out with Friend 1 he becomes silent.
Last edited by frimpter928; 03-26-2019 at 12:14 PM..
Why shouldn't they? Usually, people who are emotionally invested in someone are going to be interested in what happens to the person. Maybe they see a different person than you think you are projecting. Do you prefer friends/previous partners who don't pay attention or care? Somehow I doubt that very much and suspect you'd be complaining about how unfeeling or unsympathetic they were being to whatever was going on in your personal life at the moment. What sort of "friendship" doesn't include caring?
IMHO based on the themes of your posts here I find it hard to believe you pay no attention to these friends' dating activities, interests, relationships, or intentions toward you. Lots of posts wondering about, suspecting, inferring, analyzing little innuendos, questioning other people's motivations for behaving in certain ways when they are around you. You seem very very self-involved so maybe continue to make assumptions about everyone around you. TBH suspect there's sort of a double standard going on and probably some projecting.
Last edited by Parnassia; 03-26-2019 at 02:14 PM..
Why shouldn't they care? Usually, people who are emotionally invested in someone are going to be interested in what happens to the person. Do you prefer friends/previous partners who don't? Somehow I doubt that very much and suspect you'd be complaining about how unfeeling or unsympathetic they were being to whatever was going on in your personal life at the moment. What sort of "friendship" doesn't include caring?
But it doesn't seem like it's "caring". It's almost like they are trying to convince me what I need to do or implying there is something wrong with me.
Again, all my other friends have asked me if I am dating anyone or talking to someone. Which is totally fine and I think caring. They ask because they care.
With these two, it's not so much asking but almost like they are trying convince me, in a manipulative way. It feels forceful, not caring. Instead of TELLING me that I need to be in a relationship, instead I should be asked if I am looking to be in a relationship. Instead of telling me what my life is going to be like in the next two years, he should instead be asking me where I would like to be in two years. Telling me what to do is not caring. Asking me what I would like and where I would like to be at a certain point in my life is caring.
Also both of these friends, when I do indeed have date, they behave the complete opposite, they don't ask me anything about my dates or how they went. I will say "oh i had a date on Wednesday" and Friend 2 will ignore it and change the subject, and I will bring it up again later on, for him to do the same. Friend 1 also stays silent and gets tense if I mention I had a date.
Unlike all my other friends who are curious about the person I have a date with, asking me where he is from, how we met, etc. These two friends seem bothered if I do. So this is why them caring about if I am single or not is bothering me. I don't know what their angle is here.
Why shouldn't they? Usually, people who are emotionally invested in someone are going to be interested in what happens to the person. Maybe they see a different person than you think you are projecting. Do you prefer friends/previous partners who don't pay attention or care? Somehow I doubt that very much and suspect you'd be complaining about how unfeeling or unsympathetic they were being to whatever was going on in your personal life at the moment. What sort of "friendship" doesn't include caring?
IMHO based on the themes of your posts here I find it hard to believe you pay no attention to these friends' dating activities, interests, relationships, or intentions toward you. Lots of posts wondering about, suspecting, inferring, analyzing little innuendos, questioning other people's motivations for behaving in certain ways when they are around you. You seem very very self-involved so maybe continue to make assumptions about everyone around you. TBH suspect there's sort of a double standard going on and probably some projecting.
Yes, they should be interested in their friend's lives.
But when someone says repeatedly that they're not interested in a relationship or say being pestered that they should buy a house, when they continually say they're happy in their rental apartment.....you drop it.
Beyond that it comes off as controlling.
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