Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
These are big decisions, give them a few months to sort it all out. What time of year the house will sell the best in, is not probably the most pressing concern. There is no magic about spring that says it's the only good time to sell a house.
You are agent in Washington state--
Maybe in your market spring is not the optimum time to sell a house
But the RE agents I have dealt with over the years always encourage people anticipating a sale with some discretionary time to put their home on the market in the spring--preferably before April so that there are fewer new homes on the market to compete with your new listing...
I know that all it takes is the "right buyer" but competition and scarcity drive market pricing and taking advantage of those factors using brings a better offer that weak competition and abundance of listings in a given price point/location...
There is no guarantee if the house were ready and listed by March first there would be a great offer...
But you can't think that waiting around til December is going to work best either...
My point is that we have not been given any kind of time frame for what is going to be done---
And from what my sister in law says, she hasn't been asked or told anything more specific either...
So it is not just us in the dark...
You are coming across resentful and entitled to....
You remind me of people who give a gift and then expect endless thanks, recognition, accolades, and favors.
You are coming across as self serving rather than caring. Bitter, rather than giving and concerned for your MILs welfare.
She owes you and your husband nothing. She did not twist your arms or strong arm you.
And where is your REAL empathy???
Remember: You've got more years to live and much more security.
It's obvious those siblings are tired of you and your husband reminding everyone of your pseudo selfless gift/acts of kindness . You aren't fooling anyone, especially YOUR family.
You are coming across resentful and entitled to....
You remind me of people who give a gift and then expect endless thanks, recognition, accolades, and favors.
You are coming across as self serving rather than caring. Bitter, rather than giving and concerned for your MILs welfare.
She owes you and your husband nothing. She did not twist your arms or strong arm you.
And where is your REAL empathy???
Remember: You've got more years to live and much more security.
It's obvious those siblings are tired of you and your husband reminding everyone of your pseudo selfless gift/acts of kindness . You aren't fooling anyone, especially YOUR family.
This.
I would add why did a woman in her 80s need with a house, probably with 3 bedrooms? She didn't. Why not get her a small condo? Or an apt in a senior living complex?
Sounds more like it was bought for an investment and would be resold hopefully fairly quickly when the old gal passed. Now there is a wrench in the plans.
Maybe think about how the situation would be handled if she had no children. What would be the decisions now if she had no children?
Rather than waiting for the son to do the remodeling of his house or adding on of space to accommodate his mother at his home, how would the situation be handled if she had no children?
Would she be moving into an apartment? Maybe that is the route to take.
Last edited by matisse12; 02-11-2018 at 04:07 PM..
I would add why did a woman in her 80s need with a house, probably with 3 bedrooms? She didn't. Why not get her a small condo? Or an apt in a senior living complex?
Sounds more like it was bought for an investment and would be resold hopefully fairly quickly when the old gal passed. Now there is a wrench in the plans.
OP its a messy situation I'll give you that freely. However from the way you've described it, you are seeing it entirely through your own eyes, no one elses. Much of the information you've shared is expressed in financial terms, not personal relationship terms. You want others to do what YOU want. So, that gives it the mercenary overtone and makes people question your motives. You feel you are being victimized and unappreciated financially, when this sister-in-law is probably the one who matters most. People are messy things. They are not investments that come and go in neat packages. When to market the house and what you get out of it means very little in the scheme of things. Hope you realize that someday.
Wow. I thought the OP's husband bought the house for his sister to live in as long as she lived. That would be a loving gesture. I had no idea he was charging his sister rent. It turns out she's just a tenant, one he could kick out when it's convenient.
Some day I'm going to get over expecting the best of other people since it usually leads to disappointment.
Her children are never going to do anything for her as long as someone else, namely you and your husband, are willing to support her. As long as your husband is fine with it continuing, you're not going to be able to change anything. Her children will probably be surprised when she dies and they don't inherit her house.
If supporting your sister in law is using up money you and your husband need for your own retirement, you should keep trying to get her moved. Otherwise, it may be a waste of your time and energy to keep thinking about it.
You are agent in Washington state--
Maybe in your market spring is not the optimum time to sell a house
But the RE agents I have dealt with over the years always encourage people anticipating a sale with some discretionary time to put their home on the market in the spring--preferably before April so that there are fewer new homes on the market to compete with your new listing...
I know that all it takes is the "right buyer" but competition and scarcity drive market pricing and taking advantage of those factors using brings a better offer that weak competition and abundance of listings in a given price point/location...
There is no guarantee if the house were ready and listed by March first there would be a great offer...
But you can't think that waiting around til December is going to work best either...
My point is that we have not been given any kind of time frame for what is going to be done---
And from what my sister in law says, she hasn't been asked or told anything more specific either...
So it is not just us in the dark...
You're probably dealing with a dysfunctional situation where family members rarely speak to each other about important decisions, and they may not necessarily be equipped to start having these conversations. Health and mental wellness can go downhill really fast with someone in her late eighties, and a conversation today about modifying a house for an elderly person can very quickly change to managing home care and end of life care.
Email communication is probably ineffective in terms of resolving the issue simply because email represents a bit of a stunted conversation. It seems you need everyone to come together, make a decision, make commitments, set deadlines and just do it. Can you invite everyone over on a Sunday afternoon, including the elderly sister-in-law, and do this? That would be a good time to also discuss whether end of life care, the Will, and end of life documents are all in order. Normally I would think this is entirely up to her children, but since you have been ensuring that she has a roof over her head, you are significantly involved in her care already.
She is not going to move out until she can no longer manage in that house. Her children will do nothing for her. When there is a crisis, she will be admitted to the hospital. From there, she will be moved into a nursing home. The 200K will go to pay for nursing home care until she either dies, or goes on Medicaid.
Get used to this. Your husband is taking care of his older sister, because her kids won't. You aren't selling that house this spring, or any time soon. Accept this. You've just got to let go of this, or it's going to eat you up. You're not going to change any of this. Try not to think about it. Certainly, don't nag your husband about it.
As Hedgehog said, if there is any question that this is eating into your retirement money, or money you need for your kids, or whatever, then probably the best thing to do is to charge her market rate rent for the house, since she does have that 200K. If she outlives it (and what would that be, another 5 years? ten years?), then you can revisit the issue. And if the above scenario of winding up in a nursing home comes to pass, she'll just wind up on Medicaid sooner.
Probably this is the best solution, if you and your husband are feeling financially stressed by it. Increase the rent to closer to market rent, so that it isn't such a financial burden to you and your husband.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
