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You may have been harsh but you didn't leave your friend hanging. So because you werent perfect, you are being dumped?
There is this one woman who dumps on me through texts. I never initiate communication with her. Once she thanked me for not ignoring her texts. Sometimes I was helpful, other times not so much.
In your situation, give your friend space, think about something positive you can say to her next time you do speak. Also, after a little rift like this, I always do my duty as a friend and reach out the minute I am thinking about them.
Friends like these need a plan in place to deal with them.
I agree, you need better friends. You gave both these people GREAT advice when they dumped on you. If they don't want to take it and in fact want to dump you over it, fine. They're both "in the wrong" and are creating problems that they just then appear to want to wallow in.
They're not being grownups. You did nothing wrong. You gave good advice. I'd just let them "drop" me if I were you, if I hadn't already dropped them to start with, which I probably would have done long ago from the sound of things.
Seriously. Living FIVE YEARS with an ex and constantly complaining about him? What was the divorce FOR if not to get away from the guy? LOL!
I am known in general for being someone who tells it like it is and doesn't hold back. But I am starting to think that some of my best friends can't handle it. I am a very supportive friend, and unless the situation is dire, I will listen to my friends for a few months about a specific problem. If after a few months they don't do anything about it, are still complaining, I pretty much tell them that they need to fix their problem or stop talking about it, because I am not going to hear it unless they want to talk about solutions for the problem. But if they are doing nothing but complain and whine, I am not having it.
Now I think two of my best female friends are mad at me.
First friend - She lives with her ex-husband and he pretty much supports her because they have a child together. The thing is she DESPISES him but they have lived together for years since they divorced because he supports her financially and so she can take care of the kid. For about 5 years now, she ******* about him, how horrible and mean he is (and she's right he's not nice). Mind you she has a bachelor's degree, good work experience and lives in one of the biggest job markets in the country. She doesn't have a full time job but is trying to start a new business. She has a knack for sending me texts that unload her problems. What I mean is she doesn't text me "Text me back because I am so mad at him." Instead she texts me an essay from the get go telling me everything he's done or said to her in detail. I get the whole story without even asking for it.
She did this to me last week and I asked her how much longer was this going to happen? I told her (as I have said a million times) she needs to get a good job so she can be independent. I told her I am here for her, but that she needs to stop with the drama and get her **** together. I am not listening to it. I also told her not to send me unloading texts like that. I am more than happy to hear her when she has a problem, but to at least just text me something like "Hey I need to talk to you" or "I need your advice". Not just splatter her problems like that automatically.
After I sent that to her, she is now cold. I don't feel sorry. I feel like I did the right thing.
Second friend - She has been dating a guy for a few months now. Out of nowhere, she sends me screenshots of a text conversation with her and her ex had in previous days. Basically she reached out to him to wish him a happy birthday, and he responded that he wanted to have sex and got graphic with what he wanted to do with her. She definitely entertained it asking him what else he would do to her. I was shocked when she sent me that, and then I asked her about her boyfriend thinking maybe they split up, she told me she was mad at him. So she then calls me.
She tells me that she suspects he's cheating on her, so she has been going through his phone to see if there is anything suspicious, but she found NOTHING. She said she doesn't trust him. I literally started laughing out loud on the phone because I couldn't believe it. I told her that it's pretty hypocritical that she is having these sexual conversations with her ex, yet she is mad at her boyfriend because she suspects he may be cheating but hasn't found anything incriminating?! After I told her that she started crying. I told her she needs to stop. She needs to have a conversation with her boyfriend and she needs to stop with her ex, if she wants to continue dating the current guy. She said she only entertained the texts with her ex because she suspected her boyfriend was cheating on her. I told her that is a HORRID approach. She should talk to her boyfriend. She said she might continue going through his phone to keep an eye on him. I told her she has a problem and going through his phone is not the solution. She obviously does not trust him so something needs to be figured out. But I told her she is a hypocrite too after what she pulled.
She's not responding to my texts now.
I think I was fine in both situations right?
Somehow I think if you have to ask this maybe your conscience is tweaking you a bit. You may have answered your own question. It may be mostly due to the delivery, not the message itself.
Some people like to complain and some people just want someone to unload on without really looking for a solution. There are some people in my life who I see only once a year. Their lives - AND their problems - are the same from year to year. Quite simply, if they're not willing to work on their the problems, I'm not interested in listening. I think you did the right thing.
Yes you were 100% right in both situations.You are human.You listened to them BUT neither of them are willing to handle their situation in the right manner even though you have told them what they should do and offered great advice.We have all had friends like these 2...who are in horrible relationships for years and years and instead of getting out of it...they just want to vent about it for years and years to you and also the other friend who would rather play detective with someone whom they don't trust instead of not being in the relationship.You tell them your thoughts while listening to them complain and they don't do anything about it!!! One can get tired of hearing that crap so you have nothing to be guilty about.You did the right thing! They just love drama and you don't.You were being a good friend to them.Tell them they need to go to counseling and try to talk to them about other things instead.
P.S You sound like a very good friend that those 2 should be happy to have.
Good for you on both counts! You weren’t mean or hurtful, you simply told them things they didn’t want to hear. They want a friend that supports all their choices no matter how crappy. Those kind of friends are so desperate to be liked that it’s more important than being honest. If they are speaking to you over this, I would not lose sleep over it. Maybe they don’t want or appreciate a real friend that expects more from them and respects them enough to set boundaries and not support them doing things that are harmful.
Being direct carries a bit of diplomacy amongst friends.
Being blunt carries very little ...except offensiveness to the receiver.
Have tact,be direct.
You can close a conversation without slamming the 'person' .
Im sure you mean well.so be well in how it's said. You can't put the toothpaste back in the tube.
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