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I have a friend who, whenever he is upset, says "So and so did this to me so I am justified in doing X back!" She often does this with her relationship ("My boyfriend didn't let the dog out so I am not picking up his socks" or more seriously "he went out with the guys so its okay for me to go out to the club and flirt.")
In a conversation the other day I let her know that I had purchased a pair of shoes at a particular store and she said "Oh those were the last ones! I wanted them! Now its okay for me to go out and buy that purse you had your eye on."
This quid pro quo thing is getting old. Its like she isn't accountable and uses what others do as an excuse to do what she probably always felt like doing. Do you know anyone like this? Any strategies for dealing with someone like this?
I have a friend who, whenever he is upset, says "So and so did this to me so I am justified in doing X back!" She often does this with her relationship ("My boyfriend didn't let the dog out so I am not picking up his socks" or more seriously "he went out with the guys so its okay for me to go out to the club and flirt.")
In a conversation the other day I let her know that I had purchased a pair of shoes at a particular store and she said "Oh those were the last ones! I wanted them! Now its okay for me to go out and buy that purse you had your eye on."
This quid pro quo thing is getting old. Its like she isn't accountable and uses what others do as an excuse to do what she probably always felt like doing. Do you know anyone like this? Any strategies for dealing with someone like this?
Yes..get rid of her.Stop being friends with someone like this and you will not have to deal with her anymore.Some people will never change.
I am sure that she does! But this is just a single facet of her personality. She has many other positive qualities. I just need some ideas for how to deal with this sort of behavior. It is annoying yes, but it doesn't diminish all the great things about her. Like many of us, she does have some bad habits and less than perfect coping strategies.
In a conversation the other day I let her know that I had purchased a pair of shoes at a particular store and she said "Oh those were the last ones! I wanted them! Now its okay for me to go out and buy that purse you had your eye on."
Shoes? Purse? What the?
Do you have a problem with fixing her with the silent stinkeye?
"So, if your boyfriend ran over a pedestrian on his way home from work, you'd go out and do that, too?"
I would just ask her in all seriousness why she thinks she needs excuses to do the things she does. And if she kept doing it after that talk, I'd say, "Wanna go see a movie? Or does your boyfriend have to leave the toilet seat up first?"
I'd say, with an air of puzzlement, "Why do you seem to see this as some kind of competition where you try to get even?"
Or, even, "Gee, don't you think that makes you look a little petty?"
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