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Old 02-24-2018, 04:03 AM
 
Location: NJ
983 posts, read 2,764,792 times
Reputation: 1902

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The way to have handled this is to simply decline the invite and say you are unavilable. Don't tell the bride about your issues with the Catholic church. It's tacky to refuse to go to the wedding but ask to attend the reception. As others have said, your friend's wedding is about her, not about you and your issues.

And I am speaking as someone who also has serious issues with the Catholic church.

 
Old 02-24-2018, 04:39 AM
 
274 posts, read 290,981 times
Reputation: 419
She probably feels that you're being insensitive as her friend since you're not backing her up on her big day in her and her soon-to-be husband's venue of choice. I mean, I'd be a little offended, too, if I had a good friend and they didn't want to come just because of the venue. I might understood if the friend had a traumatic event in a Catholic Church (not picking on religion here, for some people this can be a hospital, a school, a certain type of building other than a religious one) and therefore it would trigger them to attend, but I'm sure that issue in a friendship would be evident and considered and that if you're close with this friend she would understand if it were explained to her. Although, sometimes as far as trauma, it takes a while to realize that not every church will be the same experience, especially if this will only be for maybe an hour or so when the majority of church staff may not even be there.

It would be courteous to actually watch your friend get married in the venue of their choice and join them for the actual ceremony and then joining in on the reception from there. That's generally the polite way to do it and how it's done. It's kind of a jerk move to be like, "Yeah, I won't see you get married, but I'll come by and grab some free food!" Think about it for a moment.

If there's no way you're going or can go, send a heartfelt apology - perhaps a card and a gift to at least let them know you're thinking of them on their big day.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 04:41 AM
 
Location: Canada
6,615 posts, read 6,493,811 times
Reputation: 18433
I would have been very hurt if one of my friends had told me the same thing as to why they wouldn't attend my wedding.

OP, you certainly have your reasons for not supporting the Catholic system. I too, dislike organized religion and churches, but seeing a friend get married is more important to me than letting my distain stop me from attending.

The last Catholic wedding I attended was done by a priest who spewed fire and brimstone about marriages and unions being ONLY between a MAN and WOMAN. I didn't count how many times he said that, but it was very obvious he was anti gay.

I know that is the church's belief, but going on and on during a wedding ceremony isn't the right time or place to preach anti-gay bullcrap. I might get bashed here, but I think at least half of Catholic priests ARE GAY.

Although I am straight, I came out of there disgusted. I'm so glad the small circle of our gay friends weren't in attendance. Knowing one outspoken and very funny woman in the group, I think she would have snorted or said/done something to crack everyone up.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 06:09 AM
 
4,410 posts, read 3,426,631 times
Reputation: 14178
Quote:
Originally Posted by gouligann View Post
I would have been very hurt if one of my friends had told me the same thing as to why they wouldn't attend my wedding.

OP, you certainly have your reasons for not supporting the Catholic system. I too, dislike organized religion and churches, but seeing a friend get married is more important to me than letting my distain stop me from attending.

The last Catholic wedding I attended was done by a priest who spewed fire and brimstone about marriages and unions being ONLY between a MAN and WOMAN. I didn't count how many times he said that, but it was very obvious he was anti gay.

I know that is the church's belief, but going on and on during a wedding ceremony isn't the right time or place to preach anti-gay bullcrap. I might get bashed here, but I think at least half of Catholic priests ARE GAY.

Although I am straight, I came out of there disgusted. I'm so glad the small circle of our gay friends weren't in attendance. Knowing one outspoken and very funny woman in the group, I think she would have snorted or said/done something to crack everyone up.
That says more about your friend than you are willing to admit. Are you disgusted with her/him as well?
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:06 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
15,199 posts, read 10,184,384 times
Reputation: 32138
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseFlowers View Post
My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.


So you're condemning the whole Catholic Church because of the actions of one priest and one church? Like someone mentioned this is not about YOU or your brother. It's about your friend (who I doubt will remain your friend). You are acting selfish and ridiculous.


When I got married in a Catholic Church by the way, I had a lot of people not come to the ceremony but show up for the reception which pisssed me off. The ceremony is the most important part of a wedding day.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:12 AM
 
Location: SW Florida
15,199 posts, read 10,184,384 times
Reputation: 32138
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseFlowers View Post
Ok thanks for all the opinions. I’m good with my decision.

Then I guess a lot of us are not understanding why you bothered to start this thread. Did you just want validation from us that you were right in your thinking? Do you feel the Catholic Church knows about your stance because you told a friend/acquaintance why you are not attending her wedding? The only one who is getting punished here is your friend but I don't think you will have to worry about that for very long.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:30 AM
 
10,494 posts, read 6,941,674 times
Reputation: 32310
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseFlowers View Post
I have major issues with the Catholic Church and I won’t step foot in one. My friend is mad at me because I told her I cannot come to the ceremony. I told her I would like to attend the reception. Now she doesn’t want to come at all. Which is fine. It’s her day.

Is it necessary to go to the ceremony?
You are a self-important person. What a horrible thing to do to a friend.

In truth, you didn't just tell her you couldn't go. You basically assailed her religious choices at the same time, dragging whatever beef you have into the middle of what should be the happiest day of her life.

Satisfied now?

I remember witnessing a baptism once. In our church, it's typically infant baptism, the kind where a little water gets sprinkled atop the baby's head. Some denominations think it should be full immersion of adults. Okay, a difference of opinion, right?

A lovely couple was baptizing their daughter at our church. He was formerly Church of Christ, as is his family. His family sat in the back and when it became time to baptize the daughter, they all rose as one and walked out in protest.

In other words, they took what was a beautiful moment in the life of this couple and did their level best to destroy it, much the way you're doing right now. You are those people. You are deciding that your antagonisms need to be aired in public protest at a time and place of your choosing, regardless of how your little tantrum makes other people feel.

I don't know if you realize this, but it's not all about you all the time. It's not about your opinions about the Catholic church, Christianity, the institution of marriage or anything else. In this situation, it's about a woman and a man who want to spend their lives together, celebrating their union in front of their family and friends. It was going to be a beautiful, transcendent moment in their lives until you decide to introduce your spite and ugliness into the occasion. Hey, any other time, I'd be with you. The sex scandal in the Catholic church was grotesque beyond belief. But not this time.

Either sit quietly in the back of the church and watch your friend get hitched, or don't go and arrive at the reception. In a church full of people, it's not as if she is going to be taking roll anyway.

Nope. You just had to let her know your feelings on the subject as if anyone gave a damn. Mind you, this isn't even about religious convictions. This is about you interposing your worldview on others.

Shame on you for your arrogance and self-righteousness.

Last edited by MinivanDriver; 02-24-2018 at 08:19 AM..
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:34 AM
 
10,494 posts, read 6,941,674 times
Reputation: 32310
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseFlowers View Post
My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.
Who cares? Was it the priest who will officiate the wedding?

Hey, having married into a big Catholic family, I'm fully aware of the scandal and, personally, don't care for Catholicism that much. I'm not Catholic and we didn't raise our children in the Catholic church. But I would never dream of dragging my baggage into the middle of someone else's wedding.

Get off your high horse.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:42 AM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,639 posts, read 34,129,603 times
Reputation: 76652
I grew up Catholic and no longer practice because I disagree with much of the bureaucracy and the out-of-touch teachings. Since my entire family and many of my friends are still in the church, I have happily supported them and gone to weddings, funerals, first communions, etc. Maybe I wouldn't go if I knew the people involved were bigots, but generally these major life events are not about my opinions.
 
Old 02-24-2018, 07:50 AM
 
50,184 posts, read 35,848,760 times
Reputation: 76152
Quote:
Originally Posted by RoseFlowers View Post
I have major issues with the Catholic Church and I won’t step foot in one. My friend is mad at me because I told her I cannot come to the ceremony. I told her I would like to attend the reception. Now she doesn’t want to come at all. Which is fine. It’s her day.

Is it necessary to go to the ceremony?
She's not asking you to take Communion. Were it a good friend of mine, I'd put my political or whatever issues aside and be there for her.

If she died would you refuse to attend her funeral because it was held at a Catholic Church? If so, you're not a very good friend. If not, then there's no reason not to celebrate with her at her wedding.
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