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Some people just have their likes and dislikes. I really prefer not to step in any church myself, whatever the occasion, although I did when I helped out a church when they put on a day for the needy in the community.
However, I will not go to a funeral. I don't care if the dead person and I are related, good friends, or formerly married, lovers, whatever, I won't attend a funeral. I just have personal feelings about it. I've already told this to the few people who would normally expect me to attend their funeral if they died, and my good friends understand and respect my decisions. My mom doesn't, but she won't know if I don't attend and my brothers would be unhappy if I showed up anyway.
So if the OP has a personal preference for not entering a Catholic church, that's fine. There are consequences for making decisions like this in your life and for him/her, losing an acquaintance or friend is one of them and it appears the OP is OK with that. I also accept the consequences of maybe ticking off a relative of someone whose funeral I would be expected to attend, but I still won't go and I'll stand by my decision.
As a snap judgment, since you don't provide details, it seems impolite and ungenerous of you.
She's not asking you to pray. She's not asking you to donate to the church. She's not asking you to endorse their policies.
If she's a good friend, then you should go. If she's not a good friend, then you should have politely declined the invitation altogether without insulting her religion.
You are attending a wedding not joining a congregation. Do you shy away from all things you don't agree with? Sometimes, it makes sense to think about the ramifications of what you are doing and what it might mean to others. Would you expect your fired to get married outside the church for you? Conversely, how would you feel if you were getting married and she didn't care for the place you were holding your wedding and she decided to put that before your friendship.
I have attended weddings and funerals in all faiths and some even "new religions" and never once did I feel that I was being disloyal to my personal beleifs.
My brother was molested by a priest and then the church try to pay off my parents to keep quiet. That’s what this is about. And I’m not going to go.
No, it is NOT about that. You have taken a stand based upon that terrible event and now are using that as a reason to not attend a wedding. The friend did not molest your brother and I don't believe she is asking you to change your belief or feelings for the church. All she is asking is to come to her wedding, It is about a friends wedding. Do you blame your friend for being Catholic? And if you are not going to go, why ask if it is necessary to go to the ceremony.
It's personal with you, and understandable. But politeness requires you to express good wishes to the couple but explain that since you can't be at the wedding, you think it would be rude of you to attend the reception.
I read one poster that I think had a really good point. If you said you won't go to the wedding but would go to the reception, with everyone who was at the wedding but I assume at another location(?) you're boycotting a building... but not the people. How rational is that?
No, it's not necessary to go to the ceremony but you made a social mistake in expecting you should still be invited to attend the reception. A wedding ceremony is more important than a reception and it shouldn't matter to invited guests what location it takes place in or who officiates. You snubbed and insulted the bride and the bride was correct in telling you that you're no longer invited.
I'm guessing you told the bride why you wouldn't come to the ceremony and that would have been a huge mistake. A seriously HUGE mistake !!! Really poor social etiquette.
Now you have again snubbed and insulted the bride (who clearly must have thought of you as more than a mere acquaintance otherwise she wouldn't have invited you to her wedding) by back-pedaling and saying here that she's just an acquaintance and she and her wedding day isn't important to you. You've insulted her religious beliefs and faith, and you insulted her intelligence and her good nature by thinking she would be okay with it for you to skip the ceremony but go to the reception.
Now you can cross her off your list of friends and you can consider this a quick lesson in how to lose a friend, and maybe more than one. I bet you didn't think of this but you've also earned yourself some scorn and shaming snubbing from any other wedding guests who know both you and the bride. Because when they ask her why you didn't attend (and they will) she's bound to tell them honestly that she had to dis-invite you and the reason why.
Hopefully you won't make any other similar social mistakes in the future that will get you dis-invited and scorned by other friends to other functions.
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Yeah. And she also gave that bride a very unpleasant, terrible thing to think about, and also associate with, the place she chose for a very special life event. Not cool.
I think social/interactive media has encouraged us to always weigh in with our opinions, likes/dislikes, etc. For years, people would watch a TV show and just think to themselves whether they liked/disliked a plot or performer. Or they would discuss it with the couple of people around them. But now people are putting forth their opinions while they watch a show or right after. And so many people instantly like or dislike social media posts and so on. So of course this is going to transfer to real life where someone will receive an invitation and instead of just RSVPing No, s/he will feel compelled to use the opportunity to take a stand, voice an opinion, etc. The problem with this is that it steals the focus away from the person issuing the invitation and the event---and makes it all about the invitee.
OP, do you still even want to be friends with the bride? (At this point she may not even want to be friends with you.) If she gets married in a Catholic church, that means her marriage is sanctioned by the church---so will you take a stand against that? For future instances when you don't approved of the marriage or where the wedding ceremony is taking place, best to just regretfully decline than to make it political/personal, etc.
I'm also curious as to whether the church for the wedding is the same one where your brother was molested. If it isn't, don't you think it's unfair to act like every priest was complicit in the abuse of your brother or other kids? Is the same priest even there?
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