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Old 02-25-2018, 04:23 PM
 
3,403 posts, read 3,545,403 times
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I say this is normal because people gather in a classroom for one purpose, to get a degree, not to make friends. I don't know about college is the best four years, but when I was in college, I was there to work my ass off and learn as much as I possibly can. Party or friendship were never anywhere near my top of the list.

That being said, you may want to reconsider friendship. What does it mean to be someone's friend? Does a friendship needs to last forever? I mean I can't even guaranteed I'll be around the next minutes or the next day, it seems irrelevant to me about a long lasting friendship.

Usually a friend is a mean of getting something from each other, sometime is money, sometime is simply time(and time is very limited for everyone). So does it really matter having a long term friendship? Well, not to me personally.
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Old 02-25-2018, 04:43 PM
 
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Do you play a musical instrument? The reason I ask is that some of the longest lasting friendships I have were formed either through band (I was in several different bands at university, despite being a non-music major) or through people who knew those with whom I was in band. More than a few of those friends were either non-traditional students or were commuter students like yourself, i.e., didn't live on campus. It's worth a shot and a heck of a lot more fun than high school band (although most of my high school friends with whom I'm still in touch were also in band with me). Intramural sports might be a similar way to make new acquaintances who might very likely turn into lifelong friends.
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Old 02-25-2018, 04:55 PM
 
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basically you need something else in common besides talking about schoolwork; pick up some hobbies or activities, or join some extracurricular clubs
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:20 PM
 
Location: Texas
13,480 posts, read 8,289,173 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by nybklyn View Post
I say this is normal because people gather in a classroom for one purpose, to get a degree, not to make friends. I don't know about college is the best four years, but when I was in college, I was there to work my ass off and learn as much as I possibly can. Party or friendship were never anywhere near my top of the list. .
That's just your own, one, perspective. Lots of young people are in college to form relationships, make friends, join social activities, fraternities, etc.
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Old 02-25-2018, 06:31 PM
 
Location: Pittsburgh
29,627 posts, read 34,093,605 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PriscillaVanilla View Post
That's just your own, one, perspective. Lots of young people are in college to form relationships, make friends, join social activities, fraternities, etc.
Exactly, some of my closest friends are the ones I made in college (and they're not the people I had classes with.) The OP is a commuter student, but part of the college experience for a lot of people is the freedom to create their own social circle and to explore relationships with a variety of people doing a variety of things.
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Old 02-25-2018, 07:10 PM
 
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I have online friendships that have lasted years because we have common interests.

If you don't have common interests it won't last. Music, Movies, Sports, Side income gigs, ethnic food, etc. Find a meetup group that targets something very specific. Even if it's cult like, as long as you like it.
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Old 02-25-2018, 10:49 PM
 
3,264 posts, read 1,774,876 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
Yeah, I can make more of an effort to get to know them as people. I'm not involved in any clubs or campus organizations.
That may be the problem.
Have you considered joining a fraternity? or a houseplan depending on your school 's policies?
From prior posts you indicate that you are gay but not out to your family.
An all-gay or gay-friendly social club (not necessarily a political one) might help you a lot.
Or maybe not, if you feel it would be a distraction.

A gay fraternity actually boggles my mind.
Are there such things nowadays?
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Old 02-25-2018, 11:59 PM
 
10,226 posts, read 7,492,783 times
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I'm no expert, but I agree with the others that you need to do things with people that are not school-related. Concerts, movies, out to eat, whatever. Even attending a school lecture by a guest speaker you both find interesting.

You have to say yes when someone asks you to do something, but don't sound too eager. Silly but true. It's also good to be SOMEWHAT inaccessible. Human nature being what it is, people seem to appreciate others more, if they are somewhat inaccessible. The more friends you have, the more you get. You need to appear confident in this area. Don't let on that you don't have any friends. It makes people uncomfortable.

We've all been rebuffed or forgotten by people we knew that we thought were our friends. I made friends through work. When they left, we promised we'd stay friends and stay in touch. Our staying in touch gradually lessened to nothing. This happens to everyone, so don't think it's only you.

It takes time out of your week, but as others have said, it might be good to join a club or organization at school regarding something you really are interested in.

Are you fun to be with? Do you laugh at people's jokes? Say positive things about things you experience together? (as opposed to people who never like the food, never like the weather, never like the traffic, etc.) Not everyone has a vibrant personality, but that's not necessary. But you do have to HAVE a personality. I don't like people who are just there without much to say. I like smart people with opinions (opinions that are not hateful). I like a good discussion, even if we disagree. I like people who laugh at least occasionally. I like people who don't make me feel bad about myself (Have you put on a few pounds? Oh, that's a terrible color on you. You sure do eat a lot.)
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Old 02-26-2018, 12:33 AM
 
Location: Eugene, Oregon
11,119 posts, read 5,530,502 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ClaraC View Post
Basically you have co-workers, not friends.

You need to do things with small groups - camping, going out to dinner, playing frisbee golf, whatever you like to do.

My recommendation is to check out a locker at the campus fitness center and start having regular workouts. You'll meet the best, smartest and friendliest people there and improve your health, vigor and appearance. Your brain works better, if your body is in good shape.

For those not in college, joining an exercise club is also a great place to meet people.
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Old 02-26-2018, 01:14 AM
 
Location: Somewhere in America
15,479 posts, read 15,508,197 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DCT2019 View Post
I’m in my third year of college, and I have not maintained a single friendship since I’ve started. I’ll meet people in a given semester, and we exchange numbers to study together, help each other out with homework, and talk about classroom material. However, after the semester ends I often don't have classes with them anymore, and the relationship ends because we no longer have anything to talk about. People say college is supposed to be the best four years of your life, and while I'm not having a terrible experience I do get lonely at times.

Even my friends from high school. I only keep in contact with one person from high school. However, I'm always the one reaching out to her or contacting her first. She never initiates contact with me. What could be a reason or reasons why my friendships don't last long and people never initiate contact with me?
Those aren't friends. They're fellow classmates. You don't have anything in common outside of class. Find people who share common interests with you.
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