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They can see with their own eyes that a juice isn't a beer. The OP already did that, but felt awkward anyway, for some reason.
I don't drink, never have. I don't enjoy it...not the flavors, the effects, anything. It's not a religious or moral decision, just not something I like. In many of my local social circles over the years I am the only one who doesn't. Sometimes its awkward, but usually because someone ELSE decides it's an issue, not me. However, there is one little nagging thing that gets me when I go to events with folks who do drink. They never remember that someone they've invited doesn't automatically want the wine, the beer, the alcohol. Dinner invitations, potlucks, picnics, meetings, events where everyone supplies, orders, or brings food or drink. Every single time there's nothing non-alcoholic available except tap water. Sometimes its annoying to have to bring it up, ask the hostess for anything else liquid. Still, its up to me to deal with it regardless if I feel the host/hostess has been a little thoughtless. I do remember one group where my "preference" was announced along with the menu and a rather cheesy smile. Now that was weird.
OK...little whine over. OP, stick to what is right for you. That's all that really matters in the long run.
I order half and half OJ and club soda. Not too sweet and the fizzy appearance could mislead some to think it had alcohol, like champagne.
Good idea! I should try that.
I am a low drinker. I have one and that is about it. Then I switch to water. My friends pick on me about, but it is al in good fun. They may have way ore than I do. And if someone gets one I want to try I can take a sip.
I get tipsy pretty easily so I don’t have many.
Never had an issue fitting in.
I’m college I drank the same amount - one and done.
Is it against your religion, or do you have a former substance abuse problem?
Neither. I've just never acquired a taste for it or cared to. Even the smell makes me feel queasy, so I dread to think what would happen if I ingested the stuff.
Thanks to everyone for your help and contributions. I suppose I'm just hyper aware because this is a new situation and dynamic where no-one really knows each other that well. In a few weeks the self-consciousness will pass and we'll all be more comfortable.
Seriously? Unless someone wants to have a certain menu item, you don't want to spend time with them? Do you do that with vegetarians, if you're going to a restaurant that sells meat dishes?
I've gone through phases where I drink, and times when I just don't want to. No one I like has ever given me a hard time. A simple "I don't feel like having some alcohol" works with most adults who aren't invested in other people getting drunk.
As to the last sentence, maybe when you first hit legal age and are excited about drinking alcohol in public.
As a vegan and someone who doesn't drink, I really appreciate your first paragraph. Although I never say or do anything that would indicate a negative attitude towards those that eat meat and drink, I've been told by some people that they don't want to share a meal with me because my food choices (healthy plant-based and no alcohol) would make them feel bad about their own choices. ?????????????? Kind of crazy---surely every meat-eater and drinker knows there are some (albeit not many) people who don't do this, so why would sitting at a table with someone who doesn't drink or eat meat be so threatening and diminish their own pleasure? I don't set myself up as a role model, but neither do I think I should be treated like a pariah.
OP, I actually do drink, but not very often. I've never felt self-conscious declining. If it makes other people self-conscious, that's their problem. Honestly, given your other posts, I'm surprised this was even a blip on your screen. I'm also surprised they went ahead and ordered you a drink - I may not drink very much, but my friends are pretty hardcore (and picky) drinkers, and they'd never presume to order someone a drink without knowing it was something they liked.
You do you. It shouldn't damage your standing in the program or with your peers. Just don't feel self-conscious about it.
You're in such a dither over ONE incident? Just ONE incident after 23 years?
Don't make such a big deal of it. I don't drink, and it's not a problem. You don't have to announce it, you know. That makes you a target and makes it seem like you're criticizing. If I'm at a party, I sometimes just say, "Not right now, thanks." At a restaurant I might say, "Thanks, but what I need is coffee."
If you enjoy the company and the networking opportunities hanging out with your colleagues can provide at a bar, then go. There's nothing wrong with going and just drinking a water or a coke. You can still hang out and discuss things with the group, eat the food, etc.
Really not sure why this is a big deal. I have a couple friends who do not drink, sometimes we'll meet up at a pub for dinner, they just don't drink alcohol with their meal. One of them is a health nut, another can't handle their liquor and they know it, and another doesn't drink for religious reasons. It's never been a problem, and I bet that you're not the only person these people know who doesn't drink.
I have recently returned to study to (re)do the equivalent of what Americans would call a senior year and show that I'm ready for a Ph D down the track. I alternate between supreme confidence and kid-lost-in-supermarket level panic and hope the former will win out. All I need to establish a good timetable and a strong work ethic and find a solid academic basis for my ideas.
Classes began last week and, after the first seminar, it was suggested we all adjourn to the campus tavern. By the time I found my way there one of our tutors had already got a round of beers in and placed one in front of me. I thanked him, explained politely that I'm not a drinker, suggested someone else might enjoy it and got myself an orange juice.
For the first time in my life I felt like the odd man out. In every other social circle I've been a part of during the 23 years I've been legally able to drink, my choosing not to has been a total non issue. All my friends and colleagues have accepted and respected it. I'm puzzled as to why this situation and environment should be any different, and I'd like to know how to navigate my way through it.
I am completely non-judgemental towards people who do imbibe, as long as they don't pressure me to join in. I have also asked drunk people to leave my house because I didn't feel safe around them (my place, my rules, right?), but what they do is up to them.
I wonder if, like my decision to remain single, my not drinking alcohol will suddenly become everyone else's business after decades of it not being commented on at all? I wouldn't ordinarily concern myself with others' opinions of what I do or don't do, but these are people I hope to build a good professional network with. Mixing with them will bring opportunities to further my research and write and publish articles and papers, so it's in my interest to be one of the gang. If this career path doesn't work out, I will revert to hermit mode and write fiction while trying to become a voice actor. I may do that anyway, but I'd rather it wasn't my only option.
On Friday another trek to the tavern was in order. I felt frustrated and disappointed with the (non) events of the day as well as some things going on in my private life, so I disappeared to the food court two floors down, bought a Subway and went home. This was probably not the best move, and I'm open to ways of correcting it without compromising my choices. Would it help to buy drinks for everyone else as and when?
A lot of people don't drink, for various reasons. Health nuts, people with alcoholism in the family, people who just don't like the taste or the feeling. So that group isn't used to that and maybe feel uncomfortable about it, like you're being a goody two shoes.
I think it depends on your confidence and attitude about it. Don't question yourself. Don't act like it's a big deal. You have nothing to apologize for, and definitely shouldn't not go just because of that. Be your own man. Get something other than an OJ, maybe. Something stiffer.... tonic/lime, coke/lemon, etc.
After you order your drink, move on to discussions and don't pay attention to the drinks at all. If they are there only to drink and only want drinkers there, you shouldn't go. Because you aren't a drinker. But if it's a get together for shooting the bull, with drinks...then you belong.
I will drink, but usually don't. No one in my family is a drinker. I find this very normal. We don't have a problem with it, but just don't have a habit of drinking booze. I save my booze drinking for very special occasions. (Okay, if I have insomnia, I might have a couple of shots of liquor I keep on hand for "medicinal purposes.")
There is nonalcoholic beer, but I doubt a bar would stock it. You can call and see if they have it, tho. I know the pressure. I've been there. Don't overcompensate by buying drinks for everyone. Act like it's nothing. Because it is.
If you don't make a big deal about it then no one else will. If there's a beer placed in front of you, go get the non-alcoholic drink you desire and set the alcoholic drink to the side, or quietly ask the people on either side of you if they'd like your beer since you're drinking something else.
You don't have to explain your reasoning either. Just "no thanks" if someone asks.
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