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I hope you understand where I'm coming from. I may be a bit sensitive but he came across as kind of a douche. My cousin is more distantly related to me than his other cousins. We are 2nd cousins. But to me, you should always treat everyone with respect and introduce them as cousins.
We've been hanging out for a number of months now. He always wants me to hang out with him. And we've had our families get together too to get closer and we've watched family videos that I converted from old VHS tapes.
He loves telling other people we are related. And with his last friend, he said ''Wanna know something crazy? We are related.... ''SORT OF.........'' He's kind of my cousin. How does the family tree go again?''
One time he even told a girl, ''We're so far down the line, I'm not even sure we share the same blood.''
I gotta tell him he's gotta stop doing this. He thinks it's fun or something. Either call me cousin or don't even say we're related. Stop calling me a sort of cousin. I feel disrespected. If he continues maybe I should tell other people he's my ''Sort of'' friend, not a best friend but like an ''acquaintance'' friend or ''distant'' friend. See how he likes that. Hey, it goes both ways right?
He probably doesn't know it bothers you, sounds like he's saying it facetiously. I would tell him you don't like it when he pulls that line about you guys to other people. If he doesn't stop then, yeah, then he's not being respectful to you. At the moment though, it sounds like for some reason he gets a kick out of that story and enjoys telling it to other people and doesn't have any idea that it offends you (he may also not see the second cousin-thing as clearly as you do; when the relationship string gets that far down the line it can get confusing to some people). Honestly, it does sound like you're being a bit over sensitive. I would definitely talk to him about it though and see if he stops bringing it up.
Why don't you just speak up and correct him whenever he introduces you to someone , just say loudly that you are in fact cousins with him. He'll get the message after you do this a few times.
He loves telling other people we are related. And with his last friend, he said ''Wanna know something crazy? We are related.... ''SORT OF.........'' He's kind of my cousin. How does the family tree go again?''
Next time he says it, just reply "Not 'sort of' ... we ARE related. Our mothers [fathers; his father and my mother; whatever] are first cousins, so we are second cousins"
Last edited by hertfordshire; 03-09-2018 at 07:09 AM..
Next time he says it, just reply "Not sort of ... we ARE related. Our mothers [fathers; his father and my mother; whatever] are first cousins, so we are second cousins"
I agree. And, if people still seem confused just add "My grandfather and his grandfather were brothers (or whatever is appropriate)".
He probably doesn't know it bothers you, sounds like he's saying it facetiously. .
I'd agree with this. I have a similar situation where my wife has double cousins. I don't even bother trying to explain, I just make a facetious comment about how a lot of people in two different families got married. And there was no inbreeding involved.
I don't think being a double cousin, cousin, or 2nd cousin makes you any more or less important in the scheme of family. But I'd also have no issue saying that a double cousin is more related to you than a 2nd cousin.
I'm guessing he doesn't know you are taking it as a slight. Probably best to mention it, then see if he continues.
OP, let's get down to the crux of the issue - why does this make you feel disrespected? Do you feel like people perceive you as less when he comments that you're "sorta" related.
I know a lot of people who get confused by anything past first cousins. They don't know what "second cousins" really means, and don't even start with all the "removeds". Completely befuddles them. So in their minds, "first cousins" are "real" cousins simply because it makes sense to them. All the other relations confuse them, so in their minds, it's like a second class of "family". They're the "sort of" family.
I know a lot of people who get confused by anything past first cousins. They don't know what "second cousins" really means, and don't even start with all the "removeds". Completely befuddles them. So in their minds, "first cousins" are "real" cousins simply because it makes sense to them. All the other relations confuse them, so in their minds, it's like a second class of "family". They're the "sort of" family.
Yep, that's how we are in our family. We know our first cousins are our cousins. No one knows how the other ones are really related or what they are officially called, but we never call them cousins. I guess we're a happily befuddled family!
But my son in law will call people cousins that are just close family friends that he grew up with. They're not related at all.
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