Cousin died from drug overdose I have no sympathy (father, husband, person) - Non-Romantic Relationships -Issues with friends, family, co-workers, acquaintances - City-Data Forum

justinbro2002 · 03-20-2018, 08:22 PM

I have a few cousins that have always been screw ups and all became drug addicts. All have been in and out of jail for years. My young cousin just overdosed and died a couple of days ago and everyone on that side of the family is making her out to be a saint now. I have zero sympathy for any of them since they all stood by for years while she was a junkie. I am frankly disgusted by her and them. I have a real problem feeling sorry for drug addicts. I have no desire to offer my condolences because it would be a fake with no sincerity. I so not believe that addicts have disease it is a choice. Everyone knows that people destroy their lives with drugs so why anyone would starting using makes no sense and if you choose that life you deserve whatever you get.

PriscillaVanilla · 03-20-2018, 08:40 PM

You could at least offer sympathy towards their loved ones who are grieving, even if you didn't care for the deceased.

prospectheightsresident · 03-20-2018, 08:41 PM

While I can appreciate you feeling the way you do, your family still has just had a personal loss. Would a little empathy really be such a bad thing? The way i'd look at it, too, is that the cousin is no longer in any pain, etc., which would help me to grieve. My maternal grandmother was a serious alcoholic (it eventually killed her), but she was still good to us and it hurt a lot when she passed away

NDak15 · 03-20-2018, 08:57 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justinbro2002

I have a few cousins that have always been screw ups and all became drug addicts. All have been in and out of jail for years. My young cousin just overdosed and died a couple of days ago and everyone on that side of the family is making her out to be a saint now. I have zero sympathy for any of them since they all stood by for years while she was a junkie. I am frankly disgusted by her and them. I have a real problem feeling sorry for drug addicts. I have no desire to offer my condolences because it would be a fake with no sincerity. I so not believe that addicts have disease it is a choice. Everyone knows that people destroy their lives with drugs so why anyone would starting using makes no sense and if you choose that life you deserve whatever you get.

I totally agree with you but it might be good to offer a sympathy card.

Labonte18 · 03-20-2018, 09:03 PM

I understand where OP is coming from. Don't necessarily agree.. But I do think it's normal to have some anger towards those who could have stepped in and done something. That something could have been many things. It could have been a very tough choice to bring law enforcement in to attempt to stop it.

Hopefully, the views will soften a bit. Understand how tough the decisions could be for those who did love her. I tend to agree with addiction being a choice.. I understand how difficult it is to stop, but.. The people who seem to be successful, whether it's quitting smoking, drugs, drinking.. whatever.. They make that tough choice and deal with the tough consequences and normally come out better people on the other side.

Nicci6Squirrels · 03-20-2018, 09:24 PM

Sometimes without knowing a person's complete history, it's impossible to see what led to the choices they made. There are any number of traumas people experience that can cause them to become addicts. It doesn't "excuse" the behavior, but it might explain at least some of it. And sometimes if we can put ourselves in someone else's shoes, we can empathize a little more.
Then again, some people are selfish and just do drugs because they can. But more often than not, I think people do it to numb some deep seated pain.

I don't think you have to feel any way but how you're feeling, though.

JrzDefector · 03-20-2018, 09:27 PM

Somebody died. They were loved and those who loved them are hurting. It's really that simple. If you can't empathize at all, I think I have less use for you than most of the addicts I've encountered.

The Dissenter · 03-20-2018, 09:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by justinbro2002

I have a few cousins that have always been screw ups and all became drug addicts. All have been in and out of jail for years. My young cousin just overdosed and died a couple of days ago and everyone on that side of the family is making her out to be a saint now. I have zero sympathy for any of them since they all stood by for years while she was a junkie. I am frankly disgusted by her and them. I have a real problem feeling sorry for drug addicts. I have no desire to offer my condolences because it would be a fake with no sincerity. I so not believe that addicts have disease it is a choice. Everyone knows that people destroy their lives with drugs so why anyone would starting using makes no sense and if you choose that life you deserve whatever you get.

If you don’t have any sympathy for the circumstances of your cousins death, two best words you can practice, no comment. For the record, I don’t think you are wrong, even though I don’t agree that addiction is a full choice, at least by the time the addiction is fully developed. I say this as someone who lost their father to alcohol abuse.

Lady Lexie · 03-20-2018, 09:34 PM

I would offer sympathy to the family. Even a addict can be a wonderful person and have good in them. My husband passed from drinking himself to death and was a horrible alcoholic, but, it was still sad to see a person die that should have had a great life.

matisse12 · 03-20-2018, 09:38 PM

Are they really making her out to be a saint, OP? Just wondering. That is, indeed, a phenomena that can occur. They probably are making an effort not to say anything critical?

One question would be why did your cousins start using drugs to begin with? Do you think it was internal emotional pain with all of them - seems they all wanted to alter their consciousness.