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Then you’ll receive a wedding invitation. If it was me I’d send a gift even if I couldn’t attend. It’s usually pretty easy to find something off their registry that’s $25 or less. Small price to pay for family harmony.
I agree. You never know, the thank you card might have been lost in the mail. It happens! If you received a "save the date" you will be getting an invite. Send a small gift valued no more than $25.
I'd just see how the wedding festivities develop. Stay in touch. You aren't going, but you can chat with her by email to ask how fancy the wedding will be and how many guests. If she doesn't respond back in a sincere and friendly manner, then mailing her a card and token gift ($25 gift care to Williams Sonoma or Crate & Barrel) is all that is necessary. And you have a year after the wedding to send them a gift.
So many couples are having small casual weddings these days. Sometimes they are at parks with just a food truck providing the food. And if her wedding is that small, then the gift can be small also.
I once had a friend tell me that her formula for a wedding present (cash) is that it was the value of how much her seats (with her husband) at the wedding reception and dinner costs (in her estimation).
When is the wedding?
That is common, but tacky. The guests aren't supposed to be paying for the wedding.
I have a set amount I give to a non-related couple regardless of whether they are having a all-out do at an upscale venue or a more casual party at a VFW hall or church basement. It's generous enough, but I'm not going to adjust it based on how fancy schmancy a couple needs their wedding to be. Relatives get more.
I've never understood this way of thinking. The gift isn't a cover charge to attend the wedding, it is to congratulate the couple on their new life together. Why should it matter that I chose not to blow my entire life savings on a party? Your gift should be based on the relationship you have with the bride/groom, not how much money they have to spend on their wedding.
I shoulda read ahead before I posted!
The one time I gave a gift instead of money was because I knew the couple both had a coke habit and I knew the money would go right up their noses. Gave them crystal candlesticks instead. They probably used them as weapons to try to kill each other. The marriage didn't go well, big surprise.
But I think the people who get offended at the lack of a thank-you aren't just being sticklers for courtesy. For many such people, it boils down to feeling taken for granted after years of sending b-day and other special-occasion gifts. I think that's a not unreasonable reaction, too. I think this can be debated endlessly. Maybe the more realistic way to deal with it is to simply shrug, go with the flow, and say "Oh well". Times change. IDK.
I often wonder if those people actually let the recipients know at some point that they have those expectations and that they are unhappy about not being acknowledged? I mean there is rude and ungrateful, and then there is unaware and not realizing that the lack of a 'proper' thank you is causing hard feelings. If you otherwise have enough of a relationship with someone that you want to send them a gift, I would not be quick to think they want to hurt your feelings by being ungrateful. OTOH I'm not big on sending gifts to people just out of social obligation (money grabs) either. That is probably considered rude on my part by a more than a few people I know
How hard is it to fire off an email? Or a batch of emails, to birthday or wedding donors? That would be better than nothing.
It's pretty easy. Takes a lot less time than the person who thought enough of you to mail a gift or check.
Quote:
Originally Posted by hertfordshire
Donor is an interesting choice of words. I don't consider myself a "donor" when I'm giving a gift.
It's not hard to fire off an email. Doesn't change that it's gone by the wayside and I've stopped expecting. By doing so, I save myself disappointment. YMMV
Things "go by the wayside" because people don't address the issue.
If someone holds a door for you, you say "thank you", let's you into traffic you give them a wave of thanks.
It's acknowledging that someone showed kindness to you.
I often wonder if those people actually let the recipients know at some point that they have those expectations and that they are unhappy about not being acknowledged? I mean there is rude and ungrateful, and then there is unaware and not realizing that the lack of a 'proper' thank you is causing hard feelings. If you otherwise have enough of a relationship with someone that you want to send them a gift, I would not be quick to think they want to hurt your feelings by being ungrateful. OTOH I'm not big on sending gifts to people just out of social obligation (money grabs) either. That is probably considered rude on my part by a more than a few people I know
Unless you're raised in a barn how do you not know to say thank you?
I often wonder if those people actually let the recipients know at some point that they have those expectations and that they are unhappy about not being acknowledged? I mean there is rude and ungrateful, and then there is unaware and not realizing that the lack of a 'proper' thank you is causing hard feelings. If you otherwise have enough of a relationship with someone that you want to send them a gift, I would not be quick to think they want to hurt your feelings by being ungrateful. OTOH I'm not big on sending gifts to people just out of social obligation (money grabs) either. That is probably considered rude on my part by a more than a few people I know
How do you grow up in polite society and not know to say "Thanks" when someone gives you something?
I don't think it's a question of a "proper" thank you, but lack of ANY kind of thanks.
How do you grow up in polite society and not know to say "Thanks" when someone gives you something?
I don't think it's a question of a "proper" thank you, but lack of ANY kind of thanks.
No, I've seen people who want to insist on a written thank you, that an email or text isn't enough of an acknowledgement, or that a verbal thank you doesn't count . That's their right, but I think they should at least make it known to the recipient that is what they want and expect, 'or else'
No, I've seen people who want to insist on a written thank you, that an email or text isn't enough of an acknowledgement, or that a verbal thank you doesn't count . That's their right, but I think they should at least make it known to the recipient that is what they want and expect, 'or else'
For some reason, you give the impression that a recipient is from Mars or just plain dense when it comes to common courtesy. Why does the recipient need to be schooled by the sender? If a person cannot say "thank you" after receiving a gift, then I would not send any in the future. Their lack of recognizing generosity would indicate to me that it is expected/required.
Last edited by Rastafellow; 03-24-2018 at 04:20 PM..
Reason: add word
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