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OP, there's a difference between a "gold-digger" and a garden-variety mooch. Your step-D doesn't have any gold to dig. She doesn't own her home, she's heavily in debt. I don't know why the term "gold-digger" seems so popular, these days. Or, at least--on internet relationship forums.
Anyway, he's not a gold-digger. He's just a deadbeat. If the mom, your bestie, is concerned about the implications for the distant future, and if the daughter is her only child, she can lock up any inheritance she might have been planning for the daughter, in a trust (including the house), so the guy can't get at it. That's all that can be done. Mom can consult with an estate lawyer, if she's concerned.
Bingo.
I'm a bit mystified by the relationships in this family. Is this the OP's stepdaughter and she is married to her BFF's ex-husband, the woman's biological father?
Who is this GS that has the car the mooch is driving?
Anyway, OP is trying to come come to terms with this unfortunate situation.
Stepdaughter is 40 years old, renting a house from her Mom and stepdad, up to her ears in debt, with a live-in boyfriend mooching off of her. That's her problem.
Mom's problem is that I bet she's been subsidizing this situation for years, leading the daughter to believe she can make poor choices and her folks will bail her out.
The best thing the OP can do is help the mom come to terms with her daughter's choices and the choices she has been making and whether she wants to continue that.
It may mean deciding not to subsidize the daughter any longer. No bailing her out, no below-market rent, no anticipation of an inheritance saving the day at some point in the future.
Also, who is GS and why hasn't she/he demanded the keys back to that car?
It would be a kindness to the stepdaughter. It may already be too late, but who knows.
I did wonder why if he didn't like UA, why does he have access to the kid's car? I think that would be something that family could do something about because presumably the GS needs the car. Why should GS risk his car for UA? But the odds are, the stepdaughter is also paying for the car.... or at the least a co-signer and using this against the son.
I did wonder why if he didn't like UA, why does he have access to the kid's car? I think that would be something that family could do something about because presumably the GS needs the car. Why should GS risk his car for UA? But the odds are, the stepdaughter is also paying for the car.... or at the least a co-signer and using this against the son.
If this woman wants to subsidize a mooch, that's her deal.
If the rest of the family doesn't want to, they need to stop. No loaning him vehicles, no below-market rent, no helping her out with overdue bills, nada.
Make it clear that their will be no inheritance to bail her out either.
If she wants to avoid telling her sorry story to a social worker in twenty years, she's needs to get organized.
Move on and let her deal with it on her own you seem to think he is the problem but from the sounds of it she is choosing to stay in the relationship so it is working at some level for her. Just mind your own business and stay out of their drama that's my two cents.
She's 40...she's broke. Sounds like money isn't important to her.
He's UA...he doesn't have visible assets. Sounds like money isn't important to him.
A family we're close to recently broke up a couple. She's a teacher, he was an EMT in the back of ambulances. Both kind and caring people, carving out a little life together here. Her family rode him off. She couldn't afford a place by herself and moved in with an aunt. Now she's miserable and he moved out of the area because he had the same problem.
There are financial opportunities that can come with getting married to someone you love. Much better than someone only loving marriage opportunities for people financially set.
I get what the OP is saying, I'm not totally obtuse, but the gold digger is in the mirror. This is just two poor people making it work. If they are happy together, then the only thing to do is get in line and try to find something UA is decent at and maybe make UA get a first name.
We were living with her, after her husband of 15 yrs passed from years of medical problems. We moved in with the agreement we would help fix issues in the house. After 7 months of working on house, he moves in.
PlayStation and guns are his obsession, and weed. He does no original thinking. Had to ask how to check oil in car. He worked (when he did work) for landscape company. Dont they check oil in those machines? How does a 40+ yo not know how to check oil. UA
Grandson has self esteem issues. Let anyone tell him the sky is green and he is very slow to question. Trying to help him build a backbone, that Mom stunted. We've told him not to let UA use car but Mom overruled his arguments. She is defensive of her glaring errors on the choices she is making. Bully almost, well actually.
I ride to work w her 3 days a week. We talk about anything but him. The implosion is inevitable as she's flirting with a few others.
Oh she's no angel, but she is our kid no matter how old. All her sibling (halfies) are really pissed too and not speaking to her for last few months. She is beginning to see why, but denial is strong in this one.
She's 40...she's broke. Sounds like money isn't important to her.
He's UA...he doesn't have visible assets. Sounds like money isn't important to him.
A family we're close to recently broke up a couple. She's a teacher, he was an EMT in the back of ambulances. Both kind and caring people, carving out a little life together here. Her family rode him off. She couldn't afford a place by herself and moved in with an aunt. Now she's miserable and he moved out of the area because he had the same problem.
There are financial opportunities that can come with getting married to someone you love. Much better than someone only loving marriage opportunities for people financially set.
I get what the OP is saying, I'm not totally obtuse, but the gold digger is in the mirror. This is just two poor people making it work. If they are happy together, then the only thing to do is get in line and try to find something UA is decent at and maybe make UA get a first name.
Bravo.
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