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Maybe so, but if you don't follow with the church's belief system, being involved with all of those supplementary activities is fraudulent. You can volunteer without the religious overhead.
He was asking what people did in church outside the 1 hour weekly service, so I told him. NO ONE GROUP in the USA volunteers more or donates more of their income than Christian churches.
He was asking what people did in church outside the 1 hour weekly service, so I told him. NO ONE GROUP in the USA volunteers more or donates more of their income than Christian churches.
And no one group abuses their tax free status like churches do, too.
I've seen large churches make fantastic contributions to their communities. But too many large churches are there only to feather the pockets of the person in power and donate nothing while doing it. Pat Robertson and the so-called church of Scientology are two I can think of right off the bat.
"Who cares?" should not even be allowed on this forum. Obviously someone cares enough to post, and other care enough to comment. Every single question ever asked on City-Data arguably merits the response, "Who cares?" That's what makes it what it is... Amazing!
Not everyone views spontaneity as a good thing. I don’t want anyone to “just stop by” when I’m not expecting them. And I prefer planning get together because I have a lot of things I’m trying to juggle. Not having things planned is too stressful.
Me either - I might be in the middle of something and don't need to stop what I'm doing just because someone just drops by without calling. I don't even stop in without calling first to my own family. Yeah it used to be more common years ago when wives and mothers didn't work outside out of the home but these days I just don't see it and I think it's a little rude to expect someone to drop everything they may be doing to "visit". Yesterday I spent hours in the yard doing hard, manual labor. I would have been more than annoyed at unexpected guests since I was trying to finish this project before it got too hot out.
As for maintaining friendships it is harder because people do relocate more often. I made all of my friends either at work or lately because they were neighbors. Americans have become so busy that there isn't much time for relaxing without making an appointment to do so. It is rather sad but it is what it is.
He was asking what people did in church outside the 1 hour weekly service, so I told him. NO ONE GROUP in the USA volunteers more or donates more of their income than Christian churches.
The problem is, lots of money donated by churches goes to mission funds instead of helping people in their local communities. Also, lots of donated money goes towards paying for bigger buildings, bigger parking lots, etc. for the churches themselves. Really, how much of Christians donated incomes goes towards helping the poor and needy?
Doesn't anybody have jobs there or do they work a lot less hours than Americans?
I think this is it in a nutshell. Less emphasis on work, more emphasis on socializing. Of course many of these countries don't offer the same opportunity for prosperity as the U.S. does.
Think about the time in your life when you did much more socializing/popping in, even during the daytime. You were probably in college, working part-time if at all. You didn't have a family to raise/support either.
I don't "drop in" because what if the person isn't home? If I ask in advance, it's not exactly "dropping in," it's more asking if I can come over and them either telling me yes or no. I have friends who would not mind one bit if I asked to come over, as long as it was a reasonable time, and I also would not mind if they asked me. But I would like some warning, yeah, because I could be doing something. I cannot always drop everything for a friend at any given moment. Would I like to? Often, yeah. Is it reality? No. Such is life with work and school.
When I was a kid, before cell phones were really a thing and before I could drive myself anywhere, making it easier to do things when I'm bored, I used to ring my neighbor's doorbells to see if their kids/my friends wanted to hang out and play. That's "dropping in" but now that it's easy to just shoot someone a text, dropping in IMO and experience is pretty rare.
If people are used to different social structures in their home countries, especially developing ones, I'm curious how many people they knew had jobs and what types of jobs they had - how demanding? Full or part-time? Etc. Or how many were in school (I really mean college and higher)?
Me either - I might be in the middle of something and don't need to stop what I'm doing just because someone just drops by without calling. I don't even stop in without calling first to my own family. Yeah it used to be more common years ago when wives and mothers didn't work outside out of the home but these days I just don't see it and I think it's a little rude to expect someone to drop everything they may be doing to "visit". Yesterday I spent hours in the yard doing hard, manual labor. I would have been more than annoyed at unexpected guests since I was trying to finish this project before it got too hot out.
As for maintaining friendships it is harder because people do relocate more often. I made all of my friends either at work or lately because they were neighbors. Americans have become so busy that there isn't much time for relaxing without making an appointment to do so. It is rather sad but it is what it is.
We had a couple of funny experiences with new neighbours who were not from an Anglo Australian background. They were doing what was obviously correct in their own countries but I will never forget it. Firstly our new next door neighbours knocked on the door one Sunday afternoon, all dressed up, obviously expecting to be asked in. Which I did. She was Russian and he was Lebanese, both doctors, and had moved from a more ethnic part of Sydney. My husband was upstairs with my brother pulling apart a computer while I was trying to make small talk and remember their names. I appreciated their gesture but it was a dreadful time to come unannounced.
A couple of years later, a Japanese couple knocked on the door. And explained they were our new neighbours from across the back fence. I had not even noticed that the neighbours there had changed and I remember really struggling to understand their English as my hearing isn't the best. I think my husband was at golf.
Again it would have been much better if we had known they were coming.
Actually last week a neighbour we have spoken to appeared at the door while I was out. He is Greek Aussie and came to offer the name of a tradesman. My husband said he thought he would have liked to be asked in but the house was in such a mess, he didn't bother. And that is the problem with spontaneous visits. Half the time nobody is home and if they are they are often very busy.
This is not an American bashing thread. I love America. This is just a commentary on things I have noticed and I am curious to discuss.
I am originally from a developing nation. My wife was born in America but has roots in another developing nation. We often visit both places. The thing that always jumps out most at me is how different the human interactions are from America. And for the better.
Frankly, I think that the American social culture is terrible. Friendships appear to be pretty disposable. Social interactions seem to be regimented, with things needing to be scheduled weeks in advance. Once you are over 25, there seems to be no spontaneity left. Everything needs to be planned - drinks on Thursday with Bob. Dinner on Saturday with Jane and Ray. And the three shall never meet.
The chances of me texting somebody and them agreeing on a short notice to meet up are slim. They will always have something to do. I need to get on their schedule for next weekend.
Nobody drops by. Even your closest friends. Jamal doesn’t stop on the way back from work to chat about politics and have a beer. The visit has to be coordinated days ahead.
Even the fun is coordinated and scripted. We will go to Place A and do Y and X. After that we will go to Place B and do Z.
There is very little spontaneity and just being with. In our countries you constantly see people just being with - sitting on a bench in the park, sitting at a cafe, walking by the river-front. You see that in America but it is different.
It is hard to describe if you haven’t experienced it. The walk is purposeful. You will meet and walk along the river. You dont just organically end there after pointlessly meandering lost in conversation.
You belong to a jogging group. You go hiking. You plan to get wasted next weekend. You travel. The friendship is focused on activities versus just being with and enjoying each other’s company.
You do these things in our countries, too. But they are secondary. The come after being with. They are the cherry on top. Not the only things you do as friends.
In addition, it is amazing to me how disposable friendships are. Part of it is the mobility of Americans. I get that. In most countries people are not as mobile, but here we move states so easily.
But just look at other reasons why people stop hanging out
- they start dating somebody
- they get new friends
- they move to a suburb
- they have kids
- they join some social group
All of these are absurd to me. Just thinking to my friends in my country - they are still hanging out after 20 years. New girlfriends are welcomed. Kids sit in a stroller while parents are sitting in a cafe. Or play unsupervised at the near playground without a parent with outstretched arms by them every time they climb up a yard.
Friends mingle. There is no such thing as work friends, church friends, soccer friends. If you are fun, you are invited to all types of functions. Here people have completely separate groups of friends that literally might never meet. That’s insane to me. How can people who are close to you never meet?
Anyway, it is just some observations. I know they are anecdotal, but I feel pretty comfortable generalizing based on them. I am very good at reading people and I have spent a lot of time reading, researching and observing American society. I think that our social interactions culture is terrible.
Breaking into existing friends groups is almost impossible. Friendships are disposable. If you move after 40, your only chance of a meaningful relationship is joining a meetup with other “lonely losers” like yourself. Your coworker is unlikely you to invite you to a BBQ. And if they do, their friends are highly unlikely to ask for your number and stay in touch unless you literally bend over backwards over several months. So you join a meetup.
Just so strange.
l could imagine , l always think a lot of stuff like that when l read about dating things in the relationship parts of any forum , can't believe a lot of it tbh.
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