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Not involved with the discussion of turning down a gift.
What interests me is the thought that the friend develops ways to make money while the op looks for things to do that interest her but might not make too much money.
Wouldn't it be more beneficial to work for money and use that money to do interesting things, I don't know, like going to your God childs Christening.
If it was me, I would have attended the christening event as seeing as how I am one of the godparents.
You didn’t have to stay a long time. You also could have maybe accepted the flight and paid for your hotel or split the cost in some other way. An opportunity to see your godchild, celebrate with the parents, and meet the other godparents was missed. Just because you wanted to pay your own way.
I get feeling funny about it, but it really is pride speaking. If your friend thought enough about you to make you a godparent and offer to pay for you to attend this important ceremony, then she most likely really is a close friend who does cherish you. I doubt this would have come back to be something held over you later.
A lot of people wish to have kind and generous friends like your friend seems to be. Going would have given you an opportunity to bond closer with your friend who is now long distance. You also would have had the chance to talk about how you feel about having your way paid and offer to do something to bring balance for your own peace of mind. Missed opportunities all around.
I feel uncomfortable with them trying to pay for stuff, especially when it gets extreme. I have a top 5%er really good friend. She moved back to her home country, is married and had a baby. I am middle class. We have a lot of interest in common, but she applies her abilities to make money and I use mine to find interesting work. Anyway, she named me as her child's godparent and invited me to the christening. There are other godparents. She offered to pay for the trip, but I wouldn't take the free trip gift and said I would make a priority to visit in 1-2 years.
I got a text from her saying how much she values and respects me. It makes me feel good. I felt bad at first about turning down the free trip. It seemed right not to take something worth a couple thousand dollars from a friend, even if she is rich and instead should budget over time to visit. I felt kind of uncomfortable with the situation, but haven't heard of this sort of thing much.
Yeah, I kinda get it... feels awkward. You say she now lives in her home country, possibly the cost to fly there is very expensive? How did she take the news you wouldn't be attending but planned on visiting in a year or two? Did you only text? I think I would have actually got on the phone to talk about it. It's not always easy to detect tone over texting, so clarity can be missed.
Also, not everyone wants to be a Godparent, is that an issue at all?
If you feel uncomfortable, you feel uncomfortable. However in the spirit in which it appears that it was offered, it is likely that she wanted to celebrate the christening of her child with people that really mean something to her. Enough that she was willing to pay the tab to get you all there at one time. You might not be the only person that she's paying the travel costs for. I would have taken the offer but that's just me.
I can understand not wanting to take excessive gifts, but honestly, what your friend was trying to do was very nice. The whole purpose of the trip is to celebrate her baby, so she was trying to ease the financial burden for you by covering the expenses. I'd accept, go and have a great time. Obviously, I don't know this woman, but she doesn't sound like the type of friend who gives with strings attached.
Location: Huntersville/Charlotte, NC and Washington, DC
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Quote:
Originally Posted by FelixTheCat
I feel uncomfortable with them trying to pay for stuff, especially when it gets extreme. I have a top 5%er really good friend. She moved back to her home country, is married and had a baby. I am middle class. We have a lot of interest in common, but she applies her abilities to make money and I use mine to find interesting work. Anyway, she named me as her child's godparent and invited me to the christening. There are other godparents. She offered to pay for the trip, but I wouldn't take the free trip gift and said I would make a priority to visit in 1-2 years.
I got a text from her saying how much she values and respects me. It makes me feel good. I felt bad at first about turning down the free trip. It seemed right not to take something worth a couple thousand dollars from a friend, even if she is rich and instead should budget over time to visit. I felt kind of uncomfortable with the situation, but haven't heard of this sort of thing much.
I really think she should have taken the actual ability for you to visit into account before naming you a godparent. If she is aware that you don’t have piles of cash or PTO lying around to visit, why would she put you in that position to request your presence knowing that you wouldn’t feel comfortable taking that sort of gift and knowing your economic position?
I really think she should have taken the actual ability for you to visit into account before naming you a godparent. If she is aware that you don’t have piles of cash or PTO lying around to visit, why would she put you in that position to request your presence knowing that you wouldn’t feel comfortable taking that sort of gift and knowing your economic position?
Because the longer-term position of "godparent" doesn't involve only money. The visiting costs money but the relationship with both the parents and the child should include many more intangible things than that - so I'd hope that it wouldn't have to be decided on that basis alone of affording a trip there.
Your friend wanted you to participate in a specific event. It was about her having people she loves there to celebrate a vow they made about her baby. If this was a regular trip to just see them, I'd understand your feelings. But no, this was a specific event that your pride kept you from being apart of.
Interesting that you don't accept the same generosity you offer others. Not a criticism, just an observation.
I have the same issue.
Until I read somewhere about how people feel closer to you when you let them do stuff for you. You'd think it'd be the other way around. So now I try to graciously accept things from others.
I'd have turned it down also. And I'm not sure why the OP's lack of comfort in accepting her friend's offer should elicit comments about her career choices or bank accounts. She's seems to be managing her finances responsibly, preferring to save up for what she can't afford.
In some religions/countries, multiple godparents are common, but the reality is, it's often just an honorific title.
And since the OP doesn't live in the same country as the baby, her involvement could likely be nothing more than a financial burden of gifts for every occasion.
I wouldn't have been critical if her decision had been otherwise, I just don't see it as a big deal. Nice to be asked, acceptable to turn down.
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