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I am nice to my co workers when they speak to me plus co workers know that when management asks me to do anything extra, I never say no
Why have you put up with a co-worker forcefully (by your description) slapping you, on repeated occasions, and harassing you in other ways, without reporting it? Hers is not normal behavior, by any stretch of the imagination. Nor is it normal to put up with that kind of behavior. I've never heard of someone getting smacked around in the workplace, nor of anyone putting up with getting smacked, time and again, especially after telling the person to stop. That's just bizarre. Why you don't perceive it as bizarre and as warranting a report to a superior or to HR is puzzling, to say the least.
You're not really "too nice," because you have shared your "not too nice" feelings with us here - so you really are inauthentic - maybe some cowardice?
1) Document everything she has said or done.
2) Tell her to leave you alone (no details or drama, just a simple statement. Repeat as necessary.
3) Report her to HR.
I am nice to my co workers when they speak to me plus co workers know that when management asks me to do anything extra, I never say no
I don't think that's being "too nice." You might be a pushover. Based on other posts, I think you have anxiety. I think you need therapy. You seem to have a lot of issues dealing with other people. You are the common denominator. You also might be overly sensitive. Therapy could give you some perspective on what kind of behavior is normal and might give you some insight into your relationships and interactions with other people.
There is this one older woman at work that likes me who tries to make life difficult for me every day. I can’t do anything to avoid her either.
Things she does:
- She will tell me to stop looking at her butt, even though I never look.
- One time she came up to me and told me she was mad at me because she claimed I slammed a door in her face, even though I never did that.
- she will come up behind me and slap me on the back or shoulder as hard as she can even though I have asked her to stop multiple times.
-She used to be friendly to me then stopped speaking to me for several months and now all of a sudden she will say hey to me at the beginning of the day then try to play games to tick me off.
-Her brother-in-law (she used to date his brother but was never married to him yet she calls him this) sometimes sits with someone else at lunch and when he does then she will come sit by me for attention. I usually just ignore her but sometimes she will ask me questions.
This woman is single. She is 45 and never been married. I see why. People also have said that she liked me in the past but I have made it clear that I don’t want to date her or any woman I work with.She seems like the button pushing type. I try to keep my cool around her but it is getting to the point where I am about to lose it. I hate how women have to be mean to guys they like because they think it is cool. Sometimes I think I wanna be single forever because this behavior seems to be very common among women and it seems ok for women to test men.
I swear I really hate people.
Bluntly tell this woman that it she ever hits you again, or harasses you again, that you will file charges for assault.
Gonna take a 2 x 4 up side the head to teach this sick woman so get it ready !!!!
You're not really "too nice," because you have shared your "not too nice" feelings with us here - so you really are inauthentic - maybe some cowardice?
1) Document everything she has said or done.
2) Tell her to leave you alone (no details or drama, just a simple statement. Repeat as necessary.
3) Report her to HR.
OP, since she's ignored your previous requests or demands that she stop slapping you, you'll have to step it up just a little, and next time say, "I told you several times to stop hitting me." Say it loudly to a) intimidate her (hopefully), and b) ensure that others hear you, so there are witnesses. That's the intimidating component; she should be embarrassed to realize that others are aware of her actions. If she laughs it off, or dismisses it as friendly chumming around, you'll have to respond that you don't find it friendly, or amusing, or appropriate at all. Say it like you mean it. Make a note of the time and date of every incident, and who else was present or within earshot.
Make your "plan" for the next incident so you don't get all flustered. That could land you in trouble if you do or say something based on emotions. Rehearse what you might say. Rehearsing in your own head can really help "get rid of" the other non-essential distracting stuff that clogs your tongue and your mind in the moment.
If/When she next touches you, insults you, snarks you, whatever, stand up, turn face to face with direct eye contact. Everything stops right then. Describe out loud the inappropriate thing she just did (so others hear it). Tell her not to do it again. Tell her that you WILL be filing a complaint against her with HR and that you will cc both of your supervisors. Cold and firm. Again, say it so others hear you. Pull out a piece of paper and take notes, also note the names of witnesses. Don't get emotional, yell, retaliate, nothing. You are in charge here. You are not going to melt at her feet. She is now on notice that she's used up her last ticket to harass you (I don't mean sexual specifically even if it was, just in general). Turn and walk away calmly. Do your "reacting" in private. Then, the most important thing....report her behavior in the same clinical specific manner. Don't rant or exaggerate; its not necessary and won't help your case. You want her and others to know you just turned the tables on all this and you did it in an adult manner.
Last edited by Parnassia; 04-16-2018 at 03:06 PM..
wow, you do know a lot of details for someone who is not interested in other coworkers' lives. I feel like we only know your version of the story which, based on the other posts - like that where you don't want to interact with any of your coworkers - makes me think that perhaps you might see things a tad different form what how another person might see them?
I'd say go and report this to HR. formal complaint. they'll have to sort what happens.
Well so far today she has not even spoken to me or tried to slap me so maybe I’m done dealing with her. She has not tried to sit by me on break. If she tries to sit by me , I’m just gonna tell her I don’t want to talk to her and then get up and move to another table.
OP, since she's ignored your previous requests or demands that she stop slapping you, you'll have to step it up just a little, and next time say, "I told you several times to stop hitting me." Say it loudly to a) intimidate her (hopefully), and b) ensure that others hear you, so there are witnesses. That's the intimidating component; she should be embarrassed to realize that others are aware of her actions. If she laughs it off, or dismisses it as friendly chumming around, you'll have to respond that you don't find it friendly, or amusing, or appropriate at all. Say it like you mean it. Make a note of the time and date of every incident, and who else was present or within earshot.
I would stay as far away from her as possible. Don't talk to her and don't respond to any emails she sends you that are of a personal nature. Replying back could become a tricky situation. It does sound like she has significant personality issues and she is borderline harassing you. Her slapping you on the back is making physical contact that is inappropriate and you should tell her "don't touch me" and report that to HR as soon as it happens. Men don't get away with this at work and neither should women.
She does sound like a very unhappy person; perhaps her personal life hasn't gone the way she wants it to and she takes those issues out in the workplace.
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