Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
Of course, most of us don't expect our friends to be perfect, but if you could "design" an ideal friend for you, what would this friend be like?
For example, myideal friend would, in no particular order:
1. Be happily married
2. Have at least one "troubled" adult child (so as to empathize with my situation)
3. Be middle class, economically speaking*
4. Be either newly retired or close to retirement (I'm 66)
5. Be physically active and at least mostly healthy
6. Be between 50% and 75% introverted
7. Be politically moderate (neither a far left nor a far right extremist)
8. Be non-religious
9. Not be "fussy" about food
10. Be a non-smoker and have no substance abuse addictions, but enjoy good wine
11. Enjoy and be able to have intelligent and non-angry discussions about politics and social issues
12. Be very even-tempered, amiable, and polite
*Meaning not so poor that paying their bills is a constant worry, but also not so wealthy that they think nothing of spending thousands of dollars for things like jewelry or artwork or sports equipment
So what would your list include?
P.S. I want to make clear that I have had friends who were lacking in at least one of the above characteristics. In others words, I have, or have had, friends who were (or are) very unhappily married, who smoked, who were religious, who were very extroverted, who were definitely out of my socioeconomic class, and/or who were not physically active/healthy, etc., etc., etc. The only characteristic that NONE of my friends have had was #7 -- so please no lectures about being more tolerant and accepting! Again, the above list just describes what I would think would be the "perfect" friend for me. I would like this to be a more of a "fun just to compare" kind of thread, and I hope very much that people will not "beat up" on anyone for their choices!
Last edited by katharsis; 08-30-2019 at 10:10 AM..
My ideal friend is kind and considerate. Full stop.
Beyond that, I don't care if they're married, have children, what age they are, what physical condition they're in, the condition of their wallet, etc. These aren't things that make a friendship more or less valuable to me.
As I just moved to a new city with no friends here, I'll definitely be trying to expand my social network and make some good friends.
I would say for me, loyalty is the #1 trait I want in a friend. I don't like friends who come and go, friends who are only friends as long as you're doing X, Y, and Z with them (like say you met them at an activity, and if you quit that activity, you two wouldn't be friends anymore), or people who end up moving away and you never hear from them again. I have not lived in the same city as my best friend for most of our 13 years of friendship. I think we lived in the same city for maybe the first 9 months, then a few years in the middle, and that was it. We've still remained best friends and visit each other often, in touch daily.
My ideal, which does mean perfect after all, friend doesn't have kids and doesn't want kids, is conservative / libertarian but not religious, and loves playing video games and watching sports. Basically, all of the traits of my existing best friend.
I'm perfectly happy to make friends with anyone else, though, provided they're loyal and a good friend. I have a very liberal friend, I have casual friends who have kids, but I just think usually speaking, I haven't had much success with guys who have kids. It means home by 10 p.m., when the night is just beginning for me, and not a lot of free time. Those people have their priorities which is their family, their work, and their long-time friends perhaps, plus who knows what other obligations they might have. A new friend is a difficult ask.
I don't have any problem making a few casual friends for specific purposes, though, like say a friend where we just watch games together and that's it, or a friend I see every few months for double dates with dinner and a comedy club or something, not the type of friend you lean on for advice or whatnot, but the kind of friend where they're fun to hang out with and you value at least the time you spend together for what it is.
1 sense of humor
2. non-smoker, non-doper, not a violent criminal.
3 capable of keeping political views to themselves.
4. doesn't do missionary work about diet.
I can get along with almost anyone.
I am allergic to tobacco so I can't be around it and I don't want to get arrested for someone else's drug stash.
I don't care what their political views are as long as they don't whine or try to convert me.
I don't care what they eat as long as they don't whine and try to convert me.
I don't care how much money they have as long as they don't whine and try to beg borrow, or steal from me.
Will bark when someone is at the door, and if a football game is on will make them leave.
If I work too late, will still greet me like I just got back from war.
In a nutshell, a good dog has all the best qualities that every person should have. Including hating cats.
Imagine greeting your kids at college like a dog greets you when you come home. I do it. They laugh at me, make fun of me, but they love it when I do it. Just like I love it when my dog does it for me. No "I/Me/My" in a dog's language.
I'm still looking for my ideal friend, but my list would include:
1. Funny
2. Loyal
3. Makes an effort to get together vs. waiting for me all the time (this quality is like a unicorn, it doesn't exist)
4. Integrity
5. Some depth. I don't like small talk and while I love sports, thats not ALL I want to talk about. I want to talk about relationships, meaning of life, etc.
6. Close in age and single like I am.
7. Similar interests
My ideal friend, first of all, is someone who knows how to converse in the style that I prefer. That sounds odd, perhaps, but too many people really don't know how to converse--I'll say something, then they talk about themselves. I'll say another thing, and they talk about themselves. And so on. I prefer friends who engage, listen, follow up, and respond in kind--and I do the same. Otherwise, it just becomes a back-and-forth of each person voicing opinions and stories, and no real personal connection seems to be made.
The kind of interpersonal engagement that I prefer tends to presuppose kindness, empathy, depth, intelligence, and other desirable qualities. It can help if the friend understands or has experienced a wide range of emotional issues (depression, anxiety, etc.), yet is not clingy or possessive or needy. It can be a good thing if the person reflects my educational and cultural background, though that isn't really necessary. It can also be good if the person has similar interests, especially if we plan to do things together, but it's also refreshing (and perhaps preferred) to hear about activities and issues that aren't a central part of my world.
Please register to post and access all features of our very popular forum. It is free and quick. Over $68,000 in prizes has already been given out to active posters on our forum. Additional giveaways are planned.
Detailed information about all U.S. cities, counties, and zip codes on our site: City-data.com.
Please register to participate in our discussions with 2 million other members - it's free and quick! Some forums can only be seen by registered members. After you create your account, you'll be able to customize options and access all our 15,000 new posts/day with fewer ads.
