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Well, apparently this now former friend had badmouthed me behind my back - prior, repeat, PRIOR to the party thing. Okay, I'm an a-hole, but if you're going to say slanderous things about me or ***** about something I allegedly did, why not just come directly to me?
If I have a beef with someone, I wouldn't go to two of three other people and talk about them...I go right to the source. That's what gets my goat!
In general, and I know this, two wrongs don't make a right. I've learned to walk away from toxic people. Someone upthread mentioned my old ex-... "Friend", the "I don't want you but I don't want you with anyone else!" Now I look back and laugh. Good riddance. I've swatted one pesky fly; I've done the same for another. I guess I'm learning who's toxic and who isn't. The woman I'm currently seeing (the one some of you blanched when I referred to her as "my lady" - yes, I remember that too!) keeps telling me, "Stay away from drama and duplicitous people!" and she's right. Anyway, I've got more than enough on my plate already.
Well, apparently this now former friend had badmouthed me behind my back - prior, repeat, PRIOR to the party thing. Okay, I'm an a-hole, but if you're going to say slanderous things about me or ***** about something I allegedly did, why not just come directly to me?
If I have a beef with someone, I wouldn't go to two of three other people and talk about them...I go right to the source. That's what gets my goat!
In general, and I know this, two wrongs don't make a right. I've learned to walk away from toxic people. Someone upthread mentioned my old ex-... "Friend", the "I don't want you but I don't want you with anyone else!" Now I look back and laugh. Good riddance. I've swatted one pesky fly; I've done the same for another. I guess I'm learning who's toxic and who isn't. The woman I'm currently seeing (the one some of you blanched when I referred to her as "my lady" - yes, I remember that too!) keeps telling me, "Stay away from drama and duplicitous people!" and she's right. Anyway, I've got more than enough on my plate already.
Seriously? And were they truly slanderous things, or were they unflattering things that cast you in a bad light?
You admit to a bad temper. You admit to being an a-hole. You stated you wanted to punch the former friend. WHY would someone come to your face and tell you what an ass you're being?
Seriously? And were they truly slanderous things, or were they unflattering things that cast you in a bad light?
You admit to a bad temper. You admit to being an a-hole. You stated you wanted to punch the former friend. WHY would someone come to your face and tell you what an ass you're being?
Wait, what? Where did I say anything about wanting to punch anybody? I only said that if someone has something to say about me, or if they have a problem, come to me and we can discuss it and hash out the issues. I may be unhappy and not like what I hear, but if it's a problem, let me do what I need to do to correct it.
Insofar as "punching someone", I'd sooner walk away than go to jail!
Wait, what? Where did I say anything about wanting to punch anybody? I only said that if someone has something to say about me, or if they have a problem, come to me and we can discuss it and hash out the issues. I may be unhappy and not like what I hear, but if it's a problem, let me do what I need to do to correct it.
Insofar as "punching someone", I'd sooner walk away than go to jail!
"You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear. So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with<bleep> and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
You know, since you claim to be a work in progress, consider this: Self-awareness is an important attribute to cultivate in life.
Perhaps you weren't invited because of tantrums such as this. If I had a hothead like you for a friend, then you wouldn't be my friend very long.
Seriously? And were they truly slanderous things, or were they unflattering things that cast you in a bad light?
You admit to a bad temper. You admit to being an a-hole. You stated you wanted to punch the former friend. WHY would someone come to your face and tell you what an ass you're being?
If he admits to this things... what is the slander? Is someone out there saying he is torturing puppies in the backyard? Speaking about your opinion on a person’s personality is not slander, because it is an opinion. It can’t be untrue. Plus, I can’t see really wanting to confront someone with a bad temper who is an a—hole.
Well, apparently this now former friend had badmouthed me behind my back - prior, repeat, PRIOR to the party thing. Okay, I'm an a-hole, but if you're going to say slanderous things about me or ***** about something I allegedly did, why not just come directly to me?
I've got to ask this one more time - why on Earth do all of you continue to hang around together? It sounds more like a dysfunctional family than it does a group of adult friends.
I guess I keep going back to the thread title itself, and scratching my head... "trying to stay calm..." I don't remember the last time in my life I had to actually try to stay calm, but apparently that's a constant effort for you. Your life sounds like a reality TV show, dude.
Well, apparently this now former friend had badmouthed me behind my back - prior, repeat, PRIOR to the party thing. Okay, I'm an a-hole, but if you're going to say slanderous things about me or ***** about something I allegedly did, why not just come directly to me?
If I have a beef with someone, I wouldn't go to two of three other people and talk about them...I go right to the source. That's what gets my goat!
In general, and I know this, two wrongs don't make a right. I've learned to walk away from toxic people. Someone upthread mentioned my old ex-... "Friend", the "I don't want you but I don't want you with anyone else!" Now I look back and laugh. Good riddance. I've swatted one pesky fly; I've done the same for another. I guess I'm learning who's toxic and who isn't. The woman I'm currently seeing (the one some of you blanched when I referred to her as "my lady" - yes, I remember that too!) keeps telling me, "Stay away from drama and duplicitous people!" and she's right. Anyway, I've got more than enough on my plate already.
Ever try therapy? I ask not to be rude, but it seems like there is stuff you really want to work though and understand. A good therapist can really help be a mirror and help you sort out your feelings from facts. I am sorry you are having a tough time with some friends. Those relationships don't come naturally to all people...its nice to have feedback.
A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear. So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with<bleep> and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
Your friend told you what the problem is. You are not “much of a social contribution.” Maybe it is your temper, or maybe it is something else. Do a little introspection. I imagine you do know why your friends do not want to be around you.
Well, apparently this now former friend had badmouthed me behind my back -
Ok. So what. SO. WHAT! Someone talked smack about you. Welcome to how the world goes...or is it turns...as the world turns...
It happens. It will never stop happening. Someone, somewhere, at some time, is going to "badmouth" you unless you're some sort of patron saint. So...who CARES?! Why do you even care? Are you that insecure about yourself that you actually care what someone else says about you when you know it's wrong?
You protest way too much to such trivial things that you come across as someone with absolutely no confidence or self esteem.
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prior, repeat, PRIOR to the party thing. Okay, I'm an a-hole, but if you're going to say slanderous things about me or ***** about something I allegedly did, why not just come directly to me?
Because a lot of people are cowards. All nice to your face, talking smack behind your back. Guess what? That's not a friend, so again I ask, why. do. you. care. what they say? They aren't your friend. A real friend does not do that kind of thing.
You've got someone badmouthing you, and you've got someone doing it behind your back. And you get upset to the point that you're enraged and cursing? Again, I ask: Why do you care?!
End the "friendship" (that's some definition of 'friendship') and move on with your life not caring what they think of you.
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If I have a beef with someone, I wouldn't go to two of three other people and talk about them...I go right to the source. That's what gets my goat!
Well, good for you. Do you want a lollipop? It doesn't matter how you would do it, what matters is that you are this upset over someone who badmouths you behind your back. Drop them, move on.
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In general, and I know this, two wrongs don't make a right. I've learned to walk away from toxic people. Someone upthread mentioned my old ex-... "Friend", the "I don't want you but I don't want you with anyone else!" Now I look back and laugh. Good riddance. I've swatted one pesky fly; I've done the same for another. I guess I'm learning who's toxic and who isn't. The woman I'm currently seeing (the one some of you blanched when I referred to her as "my lady" - yes, I remember that too!) keeps telling me, "Stay away from drama and duplicitous people!" and she's right. Anyway, I've got more than enough on my plate already.
This is exactly right. Stay away from people who tear you down. That way, you only have one person to worry about....which is yourself. You tear yourself down, you bring drama to your own life every single time you react in the way that you wrote about in your OP. That post screams: "I have no confidence and have no idea who I am so I get mad when people question who I am". For others to respect you, yes, the old cliche is coming, you need to respect yourself, first. Your OP does not show any self respect whatsoever.
Stay away from most people for awhile as you figure out who you even are and find more self esteem. When you are confident, it won't matter a whit what someone says about you behind your back, so called "friend" or not. You will find that if you come across someone like that in the future, it's very easy to say, "Ok, see ya" and move on with your life without the rage and theatrics that make you look unhinged.
A work in progress...then start working and start progressing.
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