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A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear. So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with<bleep> and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-01-2018 at 06:37 AM..
Well I see nothing wrong with you saying you were sorry you missed it and I think the other person shouldn't have said to you that you should not invite yourself, because obviously you didn't invite yourself. How could you invite yourself if you didn't even know about it and you didn't go? However ...... the friend might have been trying to give you a little hint about yourself when telling you that you weren't invited because you wouldn't have made a good social contribution to his family. Maybe you need to think more carefully about why the friend said that.
Have you given any consideration to whether or not there is any truth to it that you may not have been much of a social contribution? What reasons can you think of that might make you a social embarrassment to a friend and to the friend's family members, and maybe to other friends too? Do you have some bad habits or bad social behaviours that the friend doesn't want his/her relatives and friends exposed to? If you lose your temper as easily as you say you do that right there is a good reason to not invite somebody to a family get together. Nobody wants a trash talking loose cannon around who might lose their temper and frighten other people, possibly even get violent.
Do you only use that kind of crude, aggressive trashy language when you're angry, or is that language common for you to use when you're with your friends even when you're not angry? If it is common for you to use trashy language a lot even when you're in a good mood then I could understand why somebody would not want to invite you to a get together with their family, or even with just other friends.
A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear. So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with **** You and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
OP, if you ever wonder why you're not invited to a gathering - take some time to think about how you reacted here.
So you weren't invited to a party/get-together and are upset? Not sure what you want your friend to do. You aren't entitled to an invite. There are better ways to handle dealing with people. Sometimes a bit of tact can go a long way:
"Hey, I heard you had your yearly April Party (or whatever) on Saturday. I had a really good time last time and I was really looking forward to getting together with you and <insert mutual friends here>." And let them put two and two together.
I've had gatherings where I didn't invite people from last year. Sometimes it is simply a matter of space and who feels comfortable with whom. If I just so happened to have family in town during the time where I'd usually have a "friend party" I might be uncomfortable letting my two worlds collide.
Obviously, the ship has sailed on that relationship now. But, maybe you could heed my advice and others advice for your future relationships.
A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear.
Come on Rick. This ^^^ was a passive-aggressive way to let the know you were pissed that you didn't get invited.
Quote:
Originally Posted by ItsRick24
So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with <bleep> and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
Disrespectfulness that you invited with your own boorishness.
Sure, they responded rudely to you, but two wrongs don't make a right.
HokieFan is right ... you can't keep doing this stuff and then being surprised when you face natural consequences.
You can call them fake friends etc all you want, but it obviously bothered you to not be included, and instead of taking the high road you decided to roll around in the mud a bit.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-01-2018 at 06:39 AM..
A so-called friend threw a get together. I found out after the fact. Okay. Now last year I was invited. I went, enjoyed, all fine and dandy.
This time, I wasn't invited. Okay, so I said, half seriously, "Sorry I missed out". The so-called "friend" comes back with, "I had family there...and it's rude to invite yourself!" First of all, I never invited myself anywhere - and I made this clear. So they said, "Well sorry but I just don't think you are much of a social contribution!" So I went off on them and said a few not so nice things...and ended with<bleep> and the high horse you rode in on, you (fill in the colorful blanks)! Obviously, I cut the person off from my circle.
One of the person's friends contacted me and started to say a few choice words but I came back with, "You know where to find me. Come say it to my face!" A real friend of mine, hearing this, said, "And what if (name) does come to you?" I know that they won't, but given the disrespect, and my easy-to-lose temper, for a brief moment I was ready to cool someone.
I know, I'm still a work in progress, but again, I still keep a bad temper in the face of disrespectfulness
I think it may be a self-fulfilling cycle. I know from other threads you have serious problems with your temper. My ex-bf was like that, and he ruined many a party in his day, always seemed to be looking for things to be offended by. If someone else was being a drunk a** or something, he always had to confront the person when the rest of us could just roll our eyes and ignore. I always felt like I had to “manage” the environment to keep him from going off and embarrassing me. Even Something as stupid as the food being served late would be enough to set him off.
Not saying this is you, but if in the past you have had episode such as this when people have invited you places, they may be more reluctant to continue to invite you . In this case he had his family there And perhaps it was just very close friends or family or perhaps he did not want to have to deal with any incidents that may come up with his family there. My ex disliked my family and was unable to keep from showing it as most people can to keep the peace. I learned to stop inviting him to anything where he might not like someone there.
I know you have been working on this but it still seems and some of your threads that you haven’t quite gotten there yet. This is going to be a process and it is going to take time, a long time with consistently good coping skills demonstrated by you, before people may feel they can trust you not to lose it. They need to see you can feel disrespected but still hold it together so as not to ruin the party. There are always going to be people everywhere that make you angry, it is up to you to control yourself Regardless of how other people are behaving.By going off on your friend, you have shown him that you are not at that place yet.
Aside from that no one is obligated to invite you to everything they have. By saying you feel disrespected you’re making everything he does about you it probably has nothing to do with you. There’ve been times I have not been invited to things and maybe felt t a little hurt but I would never call them out about it. The first step and your recovery has to be realizing that everything is not a personal attack on you and perceiving it differently.
Last edited by Miss Blue; 05-01-2018 at 06:40 AM..
You put your friend on the spot and then they got defensive and then you got offensive.
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