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Old 05-01-2018, 12:28 PM
 
47 posts, read 37,783 times
Reputation: 144

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I think the most positive trait a friend can have is a natural curiosity about their people. But rarely do I have any contact with people who ask me questions.

Here is an example:

I run into a friend at the store. To start the conversation I ask them some general questions about what they are planning to do this summer. they are quite excited to tell me about their life but don't ask me any questions about my summer plans. So I tell them about them anyway. But I get no follow up questions.

This happens all the time. Is it my fault to expect people I am friendly with to ask questions about me?
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Old 05-01-2018, 12:51 PM
 
Location: Coastal SC
153 posts, read 129,477 times
Reputation: 467
Some people just aren't that good at small talk. I am one of them. Typically, it is not until after I walk away from a conversation with someone who asked all the questions, that I realize I didn't ask them anything about themselves and then I feel bad.

I am a better participant in a conversation when I have pre-made plans to meet up with friends. In which case, I have already contemplated what I am interested in knowing about them and what they've been up to. For instance, I may think to myself 'I'm meeting up with Jane today, I wonder how her vacation last week was'. However, if I randomly bump into Jane at the supermarket, I'm caught off guard and don't remember to ask about it.
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Old 05-01-2018, 02:49 PM
 
Location: Utah
5,118 posts, read 16,570,442 times
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I also interact with people who don't know how to have a conversation. They love to talk about themselves or their own world, but don't seem to give a crap about mine--unless they ask a question related to what THEY want to talk about.


I blame the "me-centric" social media websites where posters are sharing what THEY'RE all about.
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Old 05-01-2018, 03:19 PM
 
Location: North Carolina
3,023 posts, read 1,992,633 times
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I really try and ask questions when talking to people but some people are really better at it and keep asking me questions to the point that they don't allow an opening. Let's face it most people like talking about themselves, it's easy to get carried away.

When talking to one sibling (male) I REALLY have to keep asking because he just doesn't volunteer anything about what he's been doing, what's up with his (grown) kids and grandkids. He's the opposite of some men who just go on and on and never ask about the other person in the conversation. Different personalities.

As long as the person you are talking to listens to you it should not matter whether they asked any questions. At least they are listening.
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Old 05-01-2018, 03:35 PM
 
188 posts, read 201,845 times
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I tend to ask a lot of questions. I'm close with people who don't ask a lot of questions, but they DO ask conversation-starter questions and follow-up questions occasionally. If they NEVER asked me any questions, I'd wonder if they remembered things I talked to them about or if they were interested in my life at all.

On the flip side, I think it's also important to speak up about your own life without being prompted. If you're close to someone, you should just want to share things with them without them needing to ask about it, and some conversations should start with you sharing something.

Quote:
Originally Posted by twinkletwinkle22 View Post
When talking to one sibling (male) I REALLY have to keep asking because he just doesn't volunteer anything about what he's been doing, what's up with his (grown) kids and grandkids. He's the opposite of some men who just go on and on and never ask about the other person in the conversation. Different personalities.
Same here. When I talk to my brother on the phone I have to ask questions to keep the conversation going. We'll go back and forth on a topic for several minutes, then when that topic dies out there's awkward silence until I ask another question. We have nice conversations, but it feels like I do more of the "work" sometimes.
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Old 05-02-2018, 06:09 AM
 
5,938 posts, read 4,685,811 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by wiscokay View Post
Some people just aren't that good at small talk. I am one of them. Typically, it is not until after I walk away from a conversation with someone who asked all the questions, that I realize I didn't ask them anything about themselves and then I feel bad.

I am a better participant in a conversation when I have pre-made plans to meet up with friends. In which case, I have already contemplated what I am interested in knowing about them and what they've been up to. For instance, I may think to myself 'I'm meeting up with Jane today, I wonder how her vacation last week was'. However, if I randomly bump into Jane at the supermarket, I'm caught off guard and don't remember to ask about it.
This is me to a T. I feel terrible about it too. I don't consider myself a self-centered person. If anything, I'm rather shy and at times am more comfortable listening. But, when someone does get me out of my shell, I can do a lot of talking. And I feel like I keep the other person engaged - or they are just being polite. And there are times when I walk away from a conversation and say "you know, I didn't ask you what YOU were doing for the summer..."

So yeah, I'm that person. I don't know why. I find conversation hard at times.
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Old 05-02-2018, 02:31 PM
 
747 posts, read 574,107 times
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It usually means , to me, that they are not interested. Unless they are shy quiet and do not talk much anyway. I used to get that with dates. Sometimes they feel that asking questions is nosy or none of their business or too personal.

The opposite is interesting. I know people who ask many questions and show some interest in me or others but never talk about themselves. They answer in a few words, like "same old" 'The usual". They aren't hiding anything, but something is weird here. Don't understand it.
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Old 05-02-2018, 02:37 PM
 
Location: NJ
343 posts, read 228,238 times
Reputation: 1216
Actually yes, we have a guy that we've known for a few decades. He doesn't give up any information casually and he gives very vague answers to questions. So on the phone or a evening dinner he is funny and outgoing but will not talk about anything personal at least not in depth. He does open up sometimes unexpectedly without us asking questions. That's enough for us. He's one of our best friends.

On the other end of the spectrum my husband and I have a friend who is always open about everything- so much so that any engagement with him is time consuming and sometimes a bit exhausting.

We love them both of course. People are different with how much they are comfortable sharing and under what conditions they want to share.
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Old 05-03-2018, 05:02 PM
 
2,790 posts, read 1,636,011 times
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I really hate one-sided conversations.

Maybe OP feels like he/she cares enough about the other person to ask, but the other person doesn’t care enough about OP to ask how he’s/she’s doing?

My SIL is similar. She is unbelievably quiet, never initiates conversation, and only speaks when someone speaks to her. She’s a very pleasant, polite, and a caring person and not a loner or odd at all. I made conversation by asking her her how her parents and sister were doing, how work was going. She’ll answer with lengthy responses, But she asked NONE of those questions back to me. I don’t really understand people like that. I get angry that she’s like this. I got tired of being the conversation starter, so I stopped.
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Old 05-03-2018, 05:09 PM
 
15,534 posts, read 15,551,422 times
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No, I don't.

And in my opinion, that person you ran into in a store probably isn't really a friend.

I'd be tempted to start with an opener, like "I'm going to London for my vacation next month." Then pause. And if nothing is forthcoming, add, "Gee, don't overwhelm me with your curiosity and enthusiasm."
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