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The language of gifts is a legit way to express your love. No need to apologize.
I've tried to speak it and also feel like i'm 'buying' love. I was uncomfortable receiving gifts. My husband LOVED receiving gifts, and literally felt like I didnt' love him because I was all 'Shrug....what could I buy him that he can't buy for himself?" H was terrible at choosing gifts for others but took it very personally if they were not absolutely thrilled by what he picked.
Aha! Thank you for posting this. I was wondering if maybe it was a cultural issue, or something. I guess I really should read that book, now. It gets referenced a lot on the Relationships forum, but this is the first time I've seen it in a non-Romantic relationships context.
Yes. I have had the same pattern for most of my adult life. I feel the same as you do....I had to learn to stop overdoing it.
I feel that I will always be generous....but I have reined in some of the compulsiveness I used to act on.
well, color me crazy too..... i give to everyone. especially those folks standing on highway ramps or medians at traffic lights.
look, how embarrassing for them....and i can't even imagine the cruel behavior that comes there way.... i've seen cans tossed at them, but probably worse happens.
seriously, it's not my business what they do with my dollar or two....( i don't understand the people out there who proclaim they are only going to drink it away. huh? you don't know that for sure. plus, as a granddaughter, daughter, wife and mother of alcoholics, jeesh people, you have no idea how they suffer, you just don't. addiction is terrible and i don't give a fweet .... all i know is i am human, they are human beings and it's up to me to help the little bit i can to ease their pain...... ) and i only have one old old man i am much more generous with, always it's a fiver, each holiday it's a twenty. i get him a burger at the Micky D's on the same corner, in the summers an icecold drink or that scrumpdillyishous vanilla cone, halloween he gets pumpkin of candy, easter basket of chocolate eggs..... it's just so nice to do something kind for someone else. I believe we are all in this together, are here to help one another.
christmas time i hand out baskets i've decorated and filled with treats i buy a little bit at a time, thru the year, for it would bankrupt me to have to fill the 18 baskets all at once. I hand deliver to the sherriffs, their dispatchers, the two firehouses ( hey, my dad was a Port Authority police officer and volunteer firefighter, it makes me happy).... the girls at the bank, the two pak mail girls where i pick up my mail, CVS pharmacy for taking such good care of me, my doctors and then their staffs, even my Harris Teeter cashiers, night crew get my sub points for the year so they can get a sub and the owners of Moon Asian Bistro, hey, i live in Narrowlina, not an embracing of diversity state, I welcomed them the first day they opened their doors with a armful of gorgeous lilies..... and we've been fast friends ever since.... i love immigrants!!!!!!!
I help decorate to the nines the old age home around the corner from me, have even decorated Trauma A, B and D at UNC hospital for the hard working staff.
I just like to do for the people who make our lives better, who take care of me all year long, give me those bright smiles when i walk in the door, don't you too? well, i think it's just the best way to roll thru this often harsh world.
You are definitely not a sap. Being a giver is great. Find a charity that can use your gifts. Some hospital take handmade baby blankets for ER.
I am downsizing, I would not be interested in gifts. Younger people are more into Scandinavian, less is more, style now. Find someone who really wants your gifts.
My mom always said my dad tried to buy people's affection by gifting them with things - sometimes they were things we still needed -like her vaccum cleaner or my high chair, etc.
I find myself doing the same thing - I guess it is to try to win their friendship, as he did.
I crochet, paint, sew, bake, or just outright buy stuff for people. Old friends and family and new ones, too.
Sometimes I go to quite a bit of trouble on these items and I can say, rarely, do I get much thanks for them.
I've cut back lately, except for my niece and one old friend, as looking at the totality of my "giving" I feel I've been a chump.
Anyone else find themselves being overly generous and to not much benefit?
Thanks.
My then-girlfriend (now wife) and I were visiting her folks. There was a department store that was going out of businesss in town, and I mentioned that I wouldn't mind checking it for a rolling garment bag style suitcase, as I, at that point, had to fly with suits. My MIL lit up and said, OH, I have one for you! She ran to their closet as my FIL emerged from his office and said, "Hey, that's my suitcase and i use it!"
I am uncomfortable receiving gifts. I feel like it makes me owe the person something.
Have you ever seen Sheldon's theory on gift giving from The Big Bang theory?
But later in the show, it went on to show how much he loved that gift. This is why I love giving gifts, people appreciate them. In the end, Sheldon gave Penny the ultimate gift, a hug.
Sometimes I have been given small gifts that, honestly, I would not have chosen for myself. Rarely, am I given something I can use, or something I even like. But if a friend were to give me the gift of her time—perhaps an afternoon together just talking between us as friends, that would be the best gift.
So often, I think, these little gifts that are given, are substitutes for deeper connections between people. Time is the most precious gift we can give in our modern culture, IMO.
When your intentions are genuine it's a no Brainer to enhance someone's life. Sure reciprocity plays a factor.
I applaud you op for being gracious. I do tend to find the reward from deeds is the smile or gratefulness. It takes a no strings attached attitude ...and that goes both ways.
My mom was a giver....sometimes it was sad though. I, being an in grate. ..didn't take the time to acknowledge the thoughtfulness. ...to this day..it gives me the greatest joy to ease a burden for another. A simple deed can be valued...
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