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Seems to me that she wants to have a relationship with you, but you are stringing her along (maybe not intentionally). It's the old saying about women giving sex to get love, and men giving love to get sex. She's giving you sex to get love from you. If you are not interested in a real relationship with her, do her a favor and let her go.
Seems to me that she wants to have a relationship with you, but you are stringing her along (maybe not intentionally). It's the old saying about women giving sex to get love, and men giving love to get sex. She's giving you sex to get love from you. If you are not interested in a real relationship with her, do her a favor and let her go.
Based on his posts in various subforums here, it's apparent that the OP is penis-focused and penis-led. Because of diagnoses he has and some childhood issues, he has a hard time relating emotionally to people, especially women, and doesn't understand very well how his actions affect others.
His sexual compulsions make it especially difficult for him to recognize when the sex in a so-called friends with benefits situation ceases being a benefit to one of the friends.
Seems to me that she wants to have a relationship with you, but you are stringing her along (maybe not intentionally). It's the old saying about women giving sex to get love, and men giving love to get sex. She's giving you sex to get love from you. If you are not interested in a real relationship with her, do her a favor and let her go.
Well, this was SUPPOSED to be a Friends with Benefits situation. Two consenting adults, blah blah blah. The relationship got messy, as they often do, but she wasn't deceived about anything.
Most people would love to have a friend like that. Bang her brains out whenever she wants you to and enjoy it. It is just a little casual sex among friends for crying out loud. Who knows, you may be friends with benefits for life or you may even realize one day you actually belong together.
She is right though, you had your turn and you should now reciprocate.
Well I guess I feel that it wasn't my turn back then and I felt she was okay with it and participated as well, and I didn't look at it as a contest, or a contract, that I would have to pay her back for later.
Quote:
Originally Posted by kapikap
You are playing with fire. Incredible you used your "friend". Who knows if you have sabotaged her relationships , just to get laid. This is why the opposite sex should not be friends. Men usually stick to a female friend, if he does not have something going on for himself. Pretending to be a friend, when you are really a Horny Dog.
Break off ties, but give it to her one more time if she is asking for it. Its not like you have anything against cheating.
Okay thanks. And no I don't want to ruin the relationship and am not going to sleep with my friend. I just want to make things right though as well, and not be a bad friend. I have never sabotaged any prior romantic relationships. I have only had casual sex when I was single before.
Some of the opinions, like the above two one says that I used my friend for sex, so she has every right to be angry. But when I asked my friends for opinions, they said that my friend was not used at all, and she reciprocated and new exactly what she was doing, so I shouldn't feel bad about anything, since it was her choice.
So my friends opinions are different on the matter for some reason, maybe cause they know her more?? But it seems that the opinions are very different on here, which is good, cause I want to get all the opinions I can. But why is that there is a difference of opinions, and some say that I used and took advantage of my friend, and that she is a victim it sounds like... where as other opinions say she has nothing to feel victimized for and it was her choice as well, and therefore, shouldn't feel mad at me.
But when I asked my friends for opinions, they said that my friend was not used at all, and she reciprocated and new exactly what she was doing, so I shouldn't feel bad about anything, since it was her choice.
So my friends opinions are different on the matter for some reason, maybe cause they know her more??
NO, it sounds exactly like the opinion someone would have if they were a young man who was primarily focused on having sex regardless of the circumstances.
It's a self-centered point of view. It doesn't actually consider the feelings of the other person in the scenario.
She obviously has conflicted feelings about you, but to know that and then intentionally "seduce her," as you keep saying, is just using her. It's a way to get what you want (sex) and prove that you have power over her (manipulation) to boost your ego.
Well I guess I feel that it wasn't my turn back then and I felt she was okay with it and participated as well, and I didn't look at it as a contest, or a contract, that I would have to pay her back for later.
Okay thanks. And no I don't want to ruin the relationship and am not going to sleep with my friend. I just want to make things right though as well, and not be a bad friend. I have never sabotaged any prior romantic relationships. I have only had casual sex when I was single before.
Some of the opinions, like the above two one says that I used my friend for sex, so she has every right to be angry. But when I asked my friends for opinions, they said that my friend was not used at all, and she reciprocated and new exactly what she was doing, so I shouldn't feel bad about anything, since it was her choice.
So my friends opinions are different on the matter for some reason, maybe cause they know her more?? But it seems that the opinions are very different on here, which is good, cause I want to get all the opinions I can. But why is that there is a difference of opinions, and some say that I used and took advantage of my friend, and that she is a victim it sounds like... where as other opinions say she has nothing to feel victimized for and it was her choice as well, and therefore, shouldn't feel mad at me.
Did you ever consider that your friends are just like you and/or are telling you what you want to hear? Also different people will have different views on this situation depending on their backgrounds and experiences. It's not surprising that everyone has a slightly different opinion.
You need to think through this FWB situation because it is not working. I assume both of you went into it thinking that you could just have casual sex whenever the mood hit. You seem though to be passively sabotaging her relationships. Any time she has doubts about a relationship, you have sex with her. Why can't you talk her through her doubts or do something non sexual with her? Now when it's you have doubts about your new relationship, she wants to sleep with you but you refuse. I can see where she might think that it is a double standard. People change- before you both got involved sexually, you probably thought both of you could handle casual sex. Now you see it can get a bit tricky- she may have developed feelings towards you or she may think that you are selfish. I'd give her some time and space to think things through. She might be receptive to being friends again (although I think going forward it will be a different type of relationship than you had before) or she may decide that she doesn't want to be friends with you anymore.
So my friends opinions are different on the matter for some reason, maybe cause they know her more?? But it seems that the opinions are very different on here, which is good, cause I want to get all the opinions I can. But why is that there is a difference of opinions, and some say that I used and took advantage of my friend, and that she is a victim it sounds like... where as other opinions say she has nothing to feel victimized for and it was her choice as well, and therefore, shouldn't feel mad at me.
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Of course opinions will differ, but lets take into acct that at the end of the day she is still a woman who's emotions are definitely different compared to yours.
Cmon, dude usually when women has sex with a man more than once usually they are attracted to them, you yourself has stated that she has told you that she would always choose you over her other male partners, THAT statement alone should make you see that she was far more interested in continuing something with you, more than being just a friend. Now Im not calling her a victim because of course were all grown, but dont act slow like you don't know why her feelings were hurt. She probably felt like you were going to put her on the same pedestal that she did for you, so when that wasn't the case she felt some type of way, which is usually the case with women that are FWB with a man.
Some men seem clueless to platonic relationship, once you sleep with a woman, relationship or not it will totally charge the dynamics of things. Your friendship is no longer a "friendship". Its a "situationship".
And Im just speaking off of experience because I too have been in her shoes where I thought something was going to be more than it was but was sadly disappointed, she could of handled things differently as far as realizing what yall were and knowing nothing more was coming out of it..... but that goes both ways if all you wanted was sex from her, then just like you want respect when talking to someone else.... be a friend and respect her talking to other men. Don't try to weasel your way into the bedroom. Leave it be. Let it go
Okay thanks, I feel bad and don't want to even out the score. I think I should stick with the new girl and not sleep with the friend. I guess I didn't think of it as a double standard, because the difference was is that she didn't mind cheating on her men, where as I do for mine.
She also told me before that no matter what bf she has, she will always never be able to resist me. So when she says that I felt that she opened a door though to seduce her, compared to not opening one at all.
Break up with the new girl now. Better she get a small hurt now than a larger one when you cheat on her with Ms. "Friends With Benefits".
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