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Old 05-20-2018, 08:51 AM
 
Location: On the Beach
4,139 posts, read 4,500,227 times
Reputation: 10317

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Depressing thread. I sam one of four siblings and I am the only one that regularly communicates or spends time with all the the others. I get it that as adults we all have our own lives, interests, behaviors, etc. but, I will always feel a strong bond to each of them, even if we don’t share a lot of the same interests. I’m in my late 50s and friends have come and gone. I have given up the notion of having life long friends, people change and move on. For me, that is why family is special. We may not all wish to vacation together but, we’ve all always been or each other during the rough times and to celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Guess I am lucky.
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Old 05-20-2018, 05:06 PM
 
1,314 posts, read 1,414,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluefox View Post
That’s an interesting point. I feel like I have made a legitimate effort over the past few years. I have visited him in California three separate times. He has come to see me zero times. The one time he was going to fell through because HE was unable to compromise, by leaving his large dog at home. And that is seems to be the theme with our relationship. Everyone else has to bend over backwards but he can’t be bothered with the slightest inconvenience.
My brother is like this too and always has been. I remember going to a movie with him and a bunch of our friends back in high school. Everyone wanted to see movie A. He wanted to see movie B. So he just bought a ticket for movie B and walked into that theater so everyone had to do what he wanted to keep the peace.

That trend has continued our entire lives.

There is no point in a relationship with a person like this.
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Old 05-20-2018, 05:10 PM
 
1,314 posts, read 1,414,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by joee5 View Post
You'll miss him once you've lost him.
This is not even remotely true. I wouldn't blink an eye if my brother died. I'd probably be relieved to never have to see him or deal with him again.

People who have good family relationships just don't understand in the slightest how awful family can be.
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Old 05-20-2018, 05:11 PM
 
8,238 posts, read 6,534,989 times
Reputation: 23135
Quote:
Originally Posted by nurider2002 View Post
Depressing thread. I sam one of four siblings and I am the only one that regularly communicates or spends time with all the the others. I get it that as adults we all have our own lives, interests, behaviors, etc. but, I will always feel a strong bond to each of them, even if we don’t share a lot of the same interests. I’m in my late 50s and friends have come and gone. I have given up the notion of having life long friends, people change and move on. For me, that is why family is special. We may not all wish to vacation together but, we’ve all always been or each other during the rough times and to celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Guess I am lucky.
Your post and explanation seem to contain contradictions. On one hand, you say "I am one of four siblings and I am the only one that regularly communicates or spends time with all the others" and then on the other hand, you say "We may not all wish to vacation together but, we’ve all always been there for each other during the rough times, and to celebrate each other’s accomplishments. Guess I am lucky."

Last edited by matisse12; 05-20-2018 at 06:24 PM..
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Old 05-20-2018, 06:03 PM
 
Location: PNW
3,027 posts, read 1,648,598 times
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I have a niece that almost hates her brother, and one time she told us that once her father passes on (he was ill) she will have nothing to do with him from that point on. Her dad finally passed on, and her brother is dead to her, too, as far as she's concerned. But.... the brother has alienated the whole entire family, including us.
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Old 05-20-2018, 10:16 PM
 
Location: Edmonds, WA
8,975 posts, read 10,121,494 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by zentropa View Post
So you never traveled to see him specifically, but you're hurt because he doesn't make time to go see you specifically? And you don't even like him?

You seem to be holding him to a higher standard just so he can disappoint you and you can feel like the wounded party and he gets the role of selfish jerk. I bet this dynamic has been going on for decades.
No, I have gone down just to visit him before. May of 2014 and May 2016. Did I see other people? Yes. But the primary reason I came down was to visit him. In May of 2016 we got an AirBNB in Joshua Tree with my other brother so it wasn’t like I was always visiting other people.

And you are being very quick to judge me. I didn’t always used to be like this with him. We had a period where we were very close. But as I get older I see how different we have become from one another.
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Old 05-21-2018, 11:47 AM
 
1,314 posts, read 1,414,134 times
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Bluefox View Post
No, I have gone down just to visit him before. May of 2014 and May 2016. Did I see other people? Yes. But the primary reason I came down was to visit him. In May of 2016 we got an AirBNB in Joshua Tree with my other brother so it wasn’t like I was always visiting other people.

And you are being very quick to judge me. I didn’t always used to be like this with him. We had a period where we were very close. But as I get older I see how different we have become from one another.
It sounds to me like he's just drained your cup of energy - you've put so much into the relationship and gotten nothing back that you are out of gas. He's a leech - just move on with your life and stop putting energy into him.

The last I heard from my brother was over five years ago, a message sent through my mother "your brother says you can call him if you want to." um, no thank you.
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Old 05-21-2018, 05:02 PM
 
Location: Salinas, CA
15,408 posts, read 6,154,982 times
Reputation: 8430
Quote:
Originally Posted by mizzile View Post
It sounds to me like he's just drained your cup of energy - you've put so much into the relationship and gotten nothing back that you are out of gas. He's a leech - just move on with your life and stop putting energy into him.

The last I heard from my brother was over five years ago, a message sent through my mother "your brother says you can call him if you want to." um, no thank you.
+1!
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