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I thought about calling her. Here's the thing. Why should I? She has my number plus my Skype name. I sent her a Skype request as well. She said she would check it and still nothing. When I discussed this with my mother and said that maybe I should call her, my mother said this: "Don't even think about it. By not replying to you, she's telling you loud and clear that she wants no further communication at this point. She'll just see your area code and not answer."
I sent her an Easter card as well. I contacted a few other people on Easter as well and they all got back to me. Maria is not on Facebook. I did see her posts as recently as last week on another site. I won't say which one. So, I know that she has access to her email.
Again, I'm very busy with work right now and I have good friends and a boyfriend. So, it's not something that I'm obsessing over. My mother reconnected with a couple of her childhood friends a few years ago. They last saw each other when they were in their early 20s. They email each other and chat on Facebook about every three months. Actually, one of the friends is now retired and living in Spain. She even invited us to stay with her. I guess it's possible to rekindle old friendships.
Your mother is right.
If Maria wanted to renew your friendship, she would've responded to your many emails, but instead, she went silent on you. That should tell you all you need to know. For whatever reason, she was content to leave this "re-connection" at the catch-up phase. You need to respect her decision and move on.
It's possible if both are willing. As often as not people are not interested in doing that. I'm not sure why. Sometimes they may not feel they have done as well as you. Sometimes they may have been situational friends (school mates, work buddies, etc.) but feel free to drop you when the situation is no longer the same, as they no longer need you to fill a certain role in their lives.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissa23
...I guess it's possible to rekindle old friendships.
It's possible if both are willing. As often as not people are not interested in doing that. I'm not sure why. Sometimes they may not feel they have done as well as you. Sometimes they may have been situational friends (school mates, work buddies, etc.) but feel free to drop you when the situation is no longer the same, as they no longer need you to fill a certain role in their lives.
Again, it's the silent treatment that surprises me. I have some relatives - whom I really don't want to see - who send me a birthday and Christmas card every year. I always reply by writing something like this: "Thank you for wishing me a Happy Birthday. All the best to you as well." I don't ask any questions because I don't want any more emails from them. However, it would never occur to me to not reply to them.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 08:19 PM..
Reason: grammar
On the other hand if she doesn't want a friendship with you, what could she say that wouldn't be more insulting than not answering at all? More than likely she is not wanting your friendship but does not want to tell you that.
Rejection always hurts when it's you being rejected.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Marissa23
Again, it's the silent treatment that surprises me. I have some relatives - whom I really don't want to see - who send me a birthday and a Christmas card every year. I always reply by writing something like this: "Thank you for wishing me a Happy Birthday. All the best to you as well." I don't ask any questions because I don't want any more emails from them. However, it would never occur to me to not reply to them.
I can deal with rejection. Had plenty of it so far in both my personal and professional life. Again, here she tells me how glad she is that I found her and then gives me the cold shoulder three days later. In her second email she asked me some questions about my work and about contacting a couple of our friends and one of our teachers. I replied to her a day later and asked her a few related questions. I didn't ask any intrusive personal questions about money, work, relationships, health, etc.
I don't think it's unreasonable of me to expect a response. I don't expect a long email, just a couple of sentences.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 08:20 PM..
Reason: grammar
If your best friend from high school was lonely, you wouldn't want to help them out and let them into your life a little bit to see if you might be able to help them out and maybe rekindle an old part of your life while you're at it?
I would...
If someone from way back was now living here in Indianapolis and wanted to do something fun together, sure. If they wanted someone to whine and complain to, no way.
After not communicating for 16 years, you are barely even acquaintances now, not "friends". She may have been happy to hear from you and relive some old times, but that doesn't mean that she wants to immediately start an active close friendship. It sounds like she is busy with grad school, and she may also have friends and an active social live.
Though she was glad to hear from you, I wonder if she sensed neediness on your part which just isn't compatible with her present life. Or she may have issues in her life which she doesn't want to share (health, legal, psychological, family, financial, etc.) and has therefore decided not to pursue a relationship. In any case, I would let her make the next move and not take it personally in any way if she declines.
If someone from way back was now living here in Indianapolis and wanted to do something fun together, sure. If they wanted someone to whine and complain to, no way.
I wanna get together and have some fun. lol. Actually, she lives in one of the biggest cities in the country. I don't want to say which one. My boyfriend has family there and occasionally goes there for work. We may travel there this summer. Maybe I should call her once I'm there?
Harpaint,
I regret writing several emails. I realize that it looks needy. However, I don't think I came across as needy or desperate when I replied to her second email. She is the one who wrote that we "should definitely keep in touch". I know that "keep in touch" is often a brush-off. It didn't seem like it here: judging by her wording and tone. Also, I don't think that writing a follow-up email three weeks later comes across as desperate.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 07:56 PM..
Reason: add info
I wanna get together and have some fun. lol. Actually, she lives in one of the biggest cities in the country. I don't want to say which one. My boyfriend has family there and occasionally goes there for work. We may travel there this summer. Maybe I should call her once I'm there?
...
Again, it's the silent treatment that surprises me. I have some relatives - whom I really don't want to see - who send me a birthday and a Christmas card every year. I always reply by writing something like this: "Thank you for wishing me a Happy Birthday. All the best to you as well." I don't ask any questions because I don't want any more emails from them. However, it would never occur to me to not reply to them.
They send cards because they're still your relatives.
Maria isn't responding because she isn't your friend anymore. The friendship has been over for 16 years.
Think of this experience as making an overture to a (current) casual acquaintance who, for whatever reason, didn't turn out to be interested in pursuing a friendship. Sometimes acquaintances become friends, sometimes they don't. You tried with Maria, and that's great, but it just didn't happen. It doesn't mean you did anything wrong. Other posters are right--don't worry about it.
ETA: OP, you're coming across here as needy and clingy. There's a time to take charge of things and there's a time to go with the flow. This is a time to go with the flow.
I don't know if you've ever been the object of unwanted attention--if you have, try to think about how you felt and what you did to try to brush the person off.
Last edited by sheerbliss; 05-14-2018 at 08:12 PM..
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