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Here's the situation. Four months ago I reconnected with my best friend from high school. Let's call her Maria. I hadn't spoken to her in nearly 16 years. Never had any fights or fallouts. We just lost touch after graduation. I looked for her on social networks and finally found her profile on LinkedIn. She moved to another city.
She wrote that she was really touched that I made the effort to find her and that we should resume our friendship. We exchanged two more emails after that: basically telling each what we've been up to since we last saw each other, reminiscing about our other friends, etc. She gave me her phone number and I gave her mine. I wrote her another email. Nada. Wrote her six more emails since. Still nothing. Decided not to phone her.
I'm just stunned here. Now, I know that no one is under any obligation to talk to me. I can take hints and read between the lines. I have a life and a few close friends. For example, a couple of years ago I contacted one of my acquaintances from college. We were never close but still got on really well. We exchanged a couple of phone calls and emails. Last year, I sent her a Christmas greeting and she hasn't replied since. I decided to leave it at that. Recently, my best friend didn't call me for two months and ignored my messages. I had a feeling she would that. I didn't take it personally because I know what goes in her private life. She finally called me two weeks ago and invited me for lunch at her house over the weekend.
In this case, there's nothing to read between the lines: just silence. I asked my mother for advice and she said that Maria probably thinks that those couple of emails we exchanged are enough. After all, there's nothing to discuss after so many years. I agree with that. I'm not expecting to stay in touch every week or month. However, I'm just baffled as to why she decided to just cut me off after writing how glad she was that I found her. I didn't write anything that would upset her.
Also, I feel like this is currently a one-way street. I'm the one who made the effort to find her. I don't want to send her anymore emails and I certainly don't want to call her. I feel this makes me look needy and desperate. Still, I would feel bad if I find out later on that she can't get in touch with me because of illness or depression, etc.
What would you do?
Thank you in advance.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 01:12 PM..
Reason: add info
Perhaps you said something in your two emails that alienated your best friend from high school after the two of you re-connected. Maybe she realized after reading your emails that the two of you maybe do not have enough in common anymore.
Or she may have lost interest due to no fault of yours.
Your mother may be correct that after info and catch-up was done, your former friend felt that was enough.
I would not email her again. I would send her a Christmas card next Christmas if you have her correct address.
I reread my email several times and even showed it to my mother. She knew Maria. There was nothing in that email that would upset her. I wrote something like this: Remember when we did that? Remember that? Your father used to work in that place?
I wonder why she decided to just ignore me after writing how glad she was to reconnect with me and that she missed me. Had she not written that, I would've taken the hint that she isn't interested in staying in touch. I even wrote in one of the emails that I feel like I asked her too many questions in one email.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 02:29 PM..
Reason: spelling
Here's the situation. Four months ago I reconnected with my best friend from high school. Let's call her Maria. I hadn't spoken to her in nearly 16 years. Never had any fights or fallouts. We just lost touch after graduation. I looked for her on social networks and finally found her profile on LinkedIn. She moved to another city.
She wrote that she was really touched that I made the effort to find her and that we should resume our friendship. We exchanged two more emails after that: basically telling each what we've been up to since we last saw each other, reminiscing about our other friends, etc. She gave me her phone number and I gave her mine. I wrote her another email. Nada. Wrote her six more emails since. Still nothing. Decided not to phone her.
I'm just stunned here. Now, I know that no one is under any obligation to talk to me. I can take hints and read between the lines. I have a life and a few close friends. For example, a couple of years ago I contacted one of my acquaintances from college. We were never close but still got on really well. We exchanged a couple of phone calls and emails. Last year, I sent her a Christmas greeting and she hasn't replied since. I decided to leave it at that. Recently, my best friend didn't call me for two months and ignored my messages. I had a feeling she would that. I didn't take it personally because I know what goes in her private life. She finally called me two weeks ago and invited me for lunch at her house over the weekend.
In this case, there's nothing to read between the lines: just silence. I asked my mother for advice and she said that Maria probably thinks that those couple of emails we exchanged are enough. After all, there's nothing to discuss after so many years. I agree with that. I'm not expecting to stay in touch every week or month. However, I'm just baffled as to why she decided to just cut me off after writing how glad she was that I found her. I didn't write anything that would upset her.
Also, I feel like this is currently a one-way street. I'm the one who made the effort to find her. I don't want to send her anymore emails and I certainly don't want to call her. I feel this makes me look needy and desperate. Still, I would feel bad if I find out later on that she can't get in touch with me because of illness or depression, etc.
What would you do?
Thank you in advance.
I would probably be like you, and not reach out anymore. You've made several attempts, and she's not reciprocating. You didn't say that you are, but try not to have hard feelings about it. Really, who knows what's going on in her life, and maybe she feels like she's got enough on her plate. Maybe wait several months...like maybe Christmas and wish her Happy Holidays or something.
I don't have any hard feelings. I'm just numb, to be honest. It's not like when you're being ignored by someone you're romantically involved with. And it's not like when my best friend - the one I mentioned in the first post - is ignoring me. I also thought that maybe she's out of the country and can't access her email. I don't think that's the case somehow. If her computer crashed, then she has access to a computer at work and school. There are also libraries and internet cafes. She's currently enrolled in graduate school.
I too admit I'm guilty of ignoring emails. Actually, it's a funny story. Just a little over ten years ago my parents and I didn't reply to my cousin. In our defence, we had strong suspicions that she was involved in some criminal activity. First she moved to another country and then to another state, and became involved with very shady people. During that time, we stayed in regular touch with her parents and grandparents though.
Last edited by Marissa23; 05-14-2018 at 02:27 PM..
Reason: add info
Being in graduate school and the extensive time it can require while also working could easily preempt staying in contact with an old friend from high school who has recently reconnected.
Being in graduate school and the extensive time it can require while also working could easily preempt staying in contact with an old friend from high school who has recently reconnected.
I realize that. I'm also in school and very busy. I don't expect lengthy emails or phone calls. Just a short email saying: "Thanks for the email. I'd love to get in touch when I have time." Just takes a few seconds to write it.
She wrote that she was really touched that I made the effort to find her and that we should resume our friendship. We exchanged two more emails after that: basically telling each what we've been up to since we last saw each other, reminiscing about our other friends, etc. She gave me her phone number and I gave her mine. I wrote her another email. Nada. Wrote her six more emails since. Still nothing. Decided not to phone her.
Maybe she thought of a reason why she didn't want to reconnect with her past.
There was a guy who I was pretty good friends with in high school and when I tried to contact him after college, he would ignore me (as well as some others of us). Probably because he didn't want to be reminded of the fact that we were geeks or something. I dunno, but that's probably what it was.
Many years later, he reached out and wanted to hang out and we did a few times.
Your friend is probably a little too old to be concerned about that (you're 34ish?), but she probably thought of a reason why she just wanted to leave that past behind.
In any case, after that long, you're kind of not really friends anymore. You might meet up and reminisce over old times, but you're probably different people.
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